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Denny Crane Quotes


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Denny Crane (William Shatner) to Alan Shore (James Spader) about Shirley Schmidt (Candice Bergen): If she tries to pee standing up, come get me....(the sound of Crane getting comfortable on the throne)....lock and load.

Denny Crane: You think I'm just going to wither up and die in there, don't you?

Shirley Schmidt: All these references to our sex life, Denny.

Denny Crane to Paul Lewiston about Shirley Schmidt: She can still pop my chubby

Denny Crane: Massachusetts is a Blue State. God has no place here.

Denny Crane: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter lets him in. Sees a guy in a suit making closing argument. Says “who’s that?” St. Peter says “Oh, that God. Thinks he’s Denny Crane.”

Denny Crane: I'm the master of the soft discharge.

Shirley Schmidt: You refer again to when we were intimate.

Denny Crane: Crane comes before Schmidt.

Shirley Schmidt: You refer of course to when we were intimate.

Denny Crane to Shirley Schmidt: I'm over my wrinkle fetish.

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