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Another loss


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Yesterday evening at 6:30pm my friend and Johnny's sister in law Carol died peacefully at home.

I am heartbroken, shocked and angry. It has been a long road for her and all who love her a road that should never have been traveled.

For two years she has had a serious problem with pain and bleeding. Each time she went to the emergency room she was sent home with pain killers. No tests were done to find her problem. Just 3 months ago she had a biopsy at her daughter's insistance. The doctor did not want to do it. She told Pam that she should just take her home and make her comfortable. Two weeks ago she was finally diagnosed with Uteran Cancer but by then it was too late. She was sent home to die.

Sense May she has had a major heartattack, a stroke and almost continuous bleeding. The answer for her no matter how hard her daughters fought for her was always the same. Put her in a nursing home and let her die. Pam never stopped fighting for her. Even the day before she died the nurse who came to her home had to be forced to give her antibiotics for the infection that was causing a high fever. She didn't want to give the antibotics but a high dose of Morphine instead. A drug that they knew that Carol was alergic to. Pam would not allow it and Carol died peacefully aware of her family with her and in no appearnt difficulty.

Maybe it is ironic that she died on the anivresary of the date Johnny's oncologist as much as told us that he didn't want to do any more for Johnny. Not that he couldn't but that he just didn't want to.

Like Johnny Carol's death cetificate will say cancer was the cause of death but I know better. They both died of indifference. We live in a society where a person't life or death can be decided by a clash in personalities, one doctor's ego or one who just wants to play God. This happens because no one cares until it happens to someone they love.

Most people either just don't care or are too afraid to acknowledge that this kind of thing happens. Because of that it will continue. When someone choses to speak out about this they are doomed to a very lonely fight.

I have many problems in my life right now but somehow I will overcome them. My purpose in life is to fight the indifference that takes lives and destroys others. It may be a lonely life and no one may want to listen but as long as the Lord gives me a voice to speak and a mind to find the words I will stand up for those who the world wants to ignore.

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I want to thank all of you for your support. It is really not easy and I see another loss not too far into the future I am afraid. Our Pastor's wife is not doing well at all. I don't think the chemo is working. She is such a special lady but I guess cancer does not play favorites.

Pam is having good minutes and bad. She told me that yesterday she saw 2 crosses in the sky so that gave her some peace for a while. She also told me something that her mom said. Does it make sense to anyone?

Not long before she died she called her daughter to her side. She said "God is crying. They have killed the baby and God is crying".

After the funeral Pam will start legal proceedings. She is in the process right now of getting all of the papers together. She started before her mom died. I will give her all of the support that I can. I know what a hard road she has ahead of her. I have serious doubts that she will get justice but maybe someday someone will. Maybe it will be her.

I wish I could go to her funeral but she lives a couple of hundred miles from here. I can't afford the trip or to take time off. Pam understands and knows that my heart will be with them. Again thank you all.

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