cindi o'h update /coming clean with you.

[cindi o'h]

Hey all.

I have been sitting here again in my own little stuggles. Ignoring them the best I can I would say.

Then I think this isn't significant enough to bother my lc pals with. But, then I look at my behavior yesterday and today,(chatty chatty, words, words, words, lost trains of thought, yack, yack, yack) and then I think again. I better let you know why I am off my rocker "this time".

This deserves some honesty and me being forthright.

I am on high prednisone again

I was trying a very very slow taper and it bit my butt...A-gain. Everytime I try to get off this stuff, I get an exacerbation of the asthma or pneumonitis or whatever it is they say I've got depending on who you talk to and the day of the week. I have been on it non-stop for a whole year now. My skin is like an 80 year old woman's, my belly is huge, my neck and face are huge.. I don't look anything like me anymore. waaa! Oh well. I am still kickin'.

I have been having bad breathing problems for the past week again. It started the day after my old TimmyTom died. (yes, I lost my pal of 18 years) I kind of wonder maybe if the stress of his rapid decline and death (stress?) contributed to this?

Anyway, The night before last, I dreamed about going to the ER again all night long. I waited to go to Urgent care and the doc upped the prednisone to 60mg. again.. dang! I was down to 20mg.I have been having severe back pain with this flare too. Coughing is a bugger. So is yawning, sighing, straining, moving, getting up, moving to the right, moving to the left, etc. He put me on a new antibiotic too Avelox for 10 days...just in case, he said.

Well. Now you know why there are so many words. Me and Addie and the rest of you on this prednisone know what I am talking about. Dang stuff and God bless this stuff, both at the same time.

So that's me.. still tryin' to breathe. And not being able to be quiet.

love, Cindi o'h

[carolhg]

Please forgive my ignorance. What is the prednisone for? I see from your signature that you are NED which is WONDERFUL! I was told that prednisone was a steroid. I did not realize that I had been given steroids in my IV medication when I had chemo. Now I know why I have all of this weight on me. How long does it take to get rid of the weight. I have not had chemo since September 1st.

[Nushka]

Cindi,

Darn, that breathing thing can get in the way of a lot of things...ya know? I sure hope the 60mg will work fast and help. The antibiotic sounds good to me. With all that is going around (I have bronchitis for about the umpteenth time since spring) you may have caught a little bug. Did you have the flu shot? They still won't give it to me. I have to be WELL. Can you imagine? Won't give me something to keep me from getting sick because I am sick now. That's the way the new normal is for me and seems to be for you.

Please take it easy and take those meds. Just cause you look like the Pillbury Dough Boy is no excuse to stop now. Ya gotta breathe...ya know?

Hope you feel better fast.

Nina

[Leslie221]

Oh, $%@#!!!! I didn't notice any "signs" in your posts. I am so sorry you have to deal with that stuff - both "stuffs", the asthma and the prednisone.

I'm glad you are able to make yourself look on the "bright side" but I know I'd be really fed up with the physical changes, etc. It's hard enough to go through all this without seeing a stranger staring back at you from the mirror!

Wish I knew more so I could suggest something. But I don't know what else you can do. @&%* it all!

Card coming your way in the mail! (I only have a Wal-Mart near my little rural town and their card section is now crammed fulla Christmas cards already. Hard to find anything witty or funny. Jeesh! So I may make a trip to a "real" town and stock up and good cards.

Serpentine - when it doesn't hurt too much!

Leslie

[Shar]

hey Cindi,

I know how you feel with the weight thing. Same thing happened to me, I hated looking at myself!!! A little fatty boombah I was, LOL!!!!

I chose your little furry friend today and got a little something for you as well.

Hope it cheers you up,

Sharon

[Addie]

Cin, darlin'.....

I don't love the reason WHY you do it(pred)...but I do love it when you run your mouth, honey.....cuz why should I be the only one?

I empathize...Or is the better word "sympathize"? Oral pred doesn't really get to me...but then I've never taken more than 20 mgs. Infused decadron is WAAAAAAAAAY better than oral dec (I'm currently on 16 mgs daily of infused) and beyond these comparisons and observations....it all sucks, honey.

It especially sucks that you need the pred because

Coughing is a bugger. So is yawning, sighing, straining, moving, getting up, moving to the right, moving to the left, etc

Again, too....I'm so sorry about your Timmy. You need to get a new companion kitty-person....eh?

Hang in, sweetie....and you can always spill the total beans w/ us here....

Love you...........

[Kasey]

Oh (((Cindi))),

I am just so very sorry about ALL that is happening. First, Timmy Tom ! That makes me really, really sad. Then the breathing . Makes my heart hurt for you. Then the prednisone ! It's bad enough to battle the best without all these fr#$kin' side effects, huh?

You know this is the place to come to unload and we will all be here. Just wish there was something to do other than just to listen, you know? I think of you ALL the time, Cindi! We so need you at the Pub so I worry that you may have to have a substitute for you. No one can make drinks like you though.

We are here, Cindi....loving you as best we can from afar. Hope you know that.

Love,

Kasey

[endangered but surviving]

Dear Cindy,

Yucky stuff, have just lost the weight the dang stuff put on me. belly bloats ugghh!!!

wish i had a solution but i don't.

sure do wish they had some way to control its side effects, i would scarf food down like an alligator.

love joyce

[LynneH]

Cindi lady, you know this is the place to come to put it all out on the table, as we all sit around it yacking, eating, drinking......you know how we always gather around the kitchen table.....we even let Frank scooch in.

I am so sorry to hear about Timmy Tom. There are no words to take that pain away. Again, as so often said here at the table, may Timmy Tom memories sustain you with laughter, smiles, and a few tears when needed.

Steroids, the world's worst cure. Guess we have to focus on it's curative powers and not the crappy way it goes about it. Jim would stay awake for days after receiving the steroids with his chemo. Never did gain any weight from it (still had to put coins in his Levi pockets when they weighed him so Dr. wouldn't lecture him about losing weight! And I thought it was the neuropathy that made him walk funny.) When you look in the mirror, try to look into those eyes and see the most alive, vibrant, funny Cindi that we all see and love.

Now that you're back at the table, please pass those cheetos over here............

Love,

Lynne

[ma's kid]

Cindi,

So sorry to hear you lost your Timmy. Hope all the wonderful memories, ease your heart pain.

One of my brothers has MS and takes prednisone periodically for exacerbations...so I relate to your frustration, etc.

Can't really offer any words of wisdom but please know, I personally love reading your posts and you are such an inspiration to me and others!

Hugs, dear one

Libby

[Patkid]

Your words are hugs and we love them.

We think you are beautiful. We love your wrinkles and your pudge because they are wrapped around the most loving heart!!

God bless you, Cindi.

Love

P

[daggiesmom]

Just read this post. Please remember that no matter what the side effects of this medicine, everyone here is cheering you on. You're a sweet person, no matter WHAT, and you're mucho important here! Have a

GOOD DAY today and remember to open the pub tonight!

Love ya,

Joanie

[hopeandstrength]

Just wanted to give you a cyber hug. I'm sorry about your kitty too...

Cathy

[Don Wood]

Cindi, appreciate your honesty. Honest, I didn't notice any difference, but then that isn't my long suit. I just figure some people need a lot of words and others don't and just accept that. Best to you. Don

[Geri]

Oh Cindi, how I recognize your prednisone face and body.

I was on it for a couple of months for pneumonitis at the same time as I was getting my American citizenship.

Soon after my swearing in I was going to out of the country for a few days and needed new ID (they took my green card so returning was going to be a challenge) ..........I now have a passport which expires in 2012, I have no hair and a face that looks remarkably like Andy Griffiths with no hair (and I don't mean when he was young and good looking either!) Or maybe it's the latest Jerry Lewis look, take your pick.

What the hell, it gets me noticed at customs!!!!

Take care,

Geri

[Dazy]

Hey Cindi ~

I'm sorry to hear about Timmy...that just plain bites! I think you may be on the right track however, abouth the asthma flare, and stress. I just went thru a similar thing last September - long story, but lost a puppy, was tube feeding another...freaking out about scans, etc. LOTS of stress! Out of nowhere I had a HUGE exacerbation. Doc had to put me on two rounds of rescue Prednisone 40 mgs a day for little ol' me (I only go about 98 lbs. soaking wet) I did okay for the first couple days and then

Needless to say...I got a lot of housework done. I don't seem to have the weight issues with it...I seem to lose ALL appetite when I'm taking it, but I always have been a little different

I'm totally new to this whole asthma thing myself - don't really understand it, yet. I'm having a flare this weekend, as well. I'm waiting for scan results, and maybe again, stress is the culprit. Can't figure out what else could be causing it. But I fear when I see the Pulmo on Tues. he'll probably put me back on again as I can't seem to get my peak flow out of the "orange" zone. Maybe we'll have to start an after-hours club at the bar for those sleep-deprived, chatty, steroid junkies

(((Cindi)))

~Stacey

[myagle2]

cindi,

My personal friend at the very early hour.

I had no idea that you lost your cat, Iam so so sorry, Iam not a cat fan, but I am abig animal fan!

So very sorry, my friend, animals are so helpfull, if I were near you, I would find the dearest kitty for you right now.Look for one, and it might just be right there for you, Best to ya

Mary

[Sheri]

Chatty Cathy, err, Cindi,

There are many of us who cling to every word you write. Now doesn't it make sense that if we have more words to cling to, we'll have less chance of falling ?

Sorry about Timmy, I know it is tough to lose a long time pet we come to love as an offspring .

I hope you get to the root of your breathing problems, enough is enough. You've paid your dues and I'll gladly pay for your next break, if we can buy one. Hang in there!

Sheri

[shineladysue]

Ohhh (((Cindi))),

Cindi , here you were emailing me and you never told me this stuff. I just don't know what we are going to do with you. We love you and want to know what is going on with you. I'm so sorry about the prednisone, but Cindi it does help. I sure hope it is helping you and maybe you won't have to stay on such high doses a long time. Please keep us informed as to what is going on with you ok...

Love,

Sue

[J.C.]

Cindi,

As the owner of the Pub, you need to get better

and if the prednisone is helping you just take

it we will enjoy each word you write.

I always wondered why Tim was deaf?

I always loved that cat, he had a way of purring

when he was cuddling to you when you were writing

during the nights the prednisone kept you awake.

I'm also deaf so talk as much as you can

I'll catch a word here and there and will get

all lost in the conversation as usual and say

all the wrong things at the right times.

You know I was on prednisone from July 2001

till (just checked) May 25th 2005, still

skinny as a rail, still looking like a Chinese

crested dog and still talking too much, but

alive and that's what count.

So it's not how long you take the prednisone

but the good it will do for your asthma.

Keep well and keep talking we are listening.

Love

Jackie

[Frank Lamb]

Cindy,sorry to hear about your cat.We sure do get attached to our furry friends.

As for the prednisone I am very fortunate to have no experience with it,but don't worry cause we all love hearing from you so go ahead and talk away.

[Debi]

Cindi-

Am so sorry about Timmy the cat, you know I went through that myself last year and its not easy...

I have no doubt that his leaving you may have contributed to your recent breathing bout - hope things get better for you soon Cindi!!

And for crying out loud, next time let us know sooner when things are going on !!!

[cindi o'h]

holy cow, I am going to complain more often... I sure do like this attention and affection.

Jackie, old Tim went deaf one day a couple years ago. He got sick with something at the same time I got sick with something only he became deaf and I didn't. That is what I can figure out anyway. He used to come running to the door when he heard MY car coming down the street and be there to greet me for a pet or a good word. He would wake up from his nap for this. I could count on seeing him running down the stairs as I pulled into the driveway.

If I were downstairs and he were upstairs and sleeping, I would just say in a normal voice, "Tim". Within no more than two minutes he would show up. I would show visitors his cute behaviors and tricks. He was quite a showman and enjoyed entertaining the crowds. He had quite a good sense of humor. If I were sitting on the couch, sometimes he would come up and sit on top of the couch behind my neck. Then he would (with a little encouragement) slowly wind his tail around into my face ever so lightly. Then I would bite his tail and he would pull away. Then a minute later he would come back to my face again with his tail...over and over we would play..And he would act like "oh! did I get my tail in your face??? oh.. like sorry..heeheehee" He entertained friends with this one too.

He would jump into my arms on command when he was young. He would lay down on command. He did pretty much everything I asked of him except to catch mice. He just watched them out of the corner of his eye. Since I was his woman, he expected me to catch them for him..

Well, his being deaf got him a little bit depressed, I think. He became accustomed to living in his deaf world, but he never liked it. His loss of hearing kept him disinterested in the little things. He grew to sleep alot more after he lost his hearing. He quit looking out the windows and birds no longer held his attention.

Anyway. I miss him today more than any day since he died. I think I have been in shock of sorts over my shi##y old cat, Tim. And I was allergic to him too, but I wouldn't give him up no matter how bad my asthma got. But, now that he is gone, that is the end of my cats.

No more.

Cuckoo cat loving woman, I know. I got suckered in. I got Tim as a kitten with two other littermates. They were pretty and Tim was not. He was aggressive with them. He would chase them off my lap. Then he would jump on me for 15 seconds. Then he would say to them.. "you can't have her...and I don't want her either!"

I didn't want to lose any of my cats after I got so attached to them. But, I had a hard time deciding if they died, which one I could do without the most. I remember telling people that I hoped Tim died first. He was naughty and mean to the other two. Just to spite all of us, he outlived them.

They were cool like him too. They died about 4 and 5 years ago.

I got all three kittens because I thought they would look homey in my windows and make my house look warm and inviting behind a lace curtain and a potted red geranium. Little did I know. I had no idea how sweet and fun they could be and what all I could learn from them. I was never around cats before.

Well. No more Tim. But he lives in my heart. Always will. Damn cat.

[TAnn]

Timmy sounds like he was quite the entertainer! I know how hard it is to lose a pet and I am so sorry that you lost your Timmy. Just try to take comfort that he is not suffering anymore and is watching after you from above.

I still dream about my dog. We put him down almost a year ago, in December. They become such a part of our own daily existance that their absense stands out now. I know how you feel about getting another pet, you need some time. I, however, did not follow my own advise and my husband and son convinced me after 2 months to get a new puppy, which we did and he is my little blessing. Gizmo brings smiles to my face even on my worst days!

Cin, you come here and "talk" as much as you want. I've always thought you expressed yourself beautifully (sp?). So I for one would love to hear more from you!

The prednisone definately sucks, but like you said, if it helps - you gotta do it!

Take care my friend,

Teri

[eppie]

Cindy,

I am a cat lover too but seems like i only have love for that one special cat and not every cat can capture my heart but my one only true cat....my first ever cat was MIJA. Which means "daughter" in Spanish. She was my kitty for 18 years. She left this world 3 years ago and will be forever remembered. So I vowed that I would love the cat that wanted to love me. I would not seek this cat. I knew he/she would find me and it has happened. Jack the River Cat adopted our family this summer. He was the neighbor's cat but likes living with us better. (The neighbor has 7 cats and really only does a marginal job of caring for them. the only drawback is that before we could get Jack "fixed" he fathered a litter of kitties with his "Wife", Sweet MArizpan. The wife and kids are frequent visitors. And in the case of Lewis Black Cat, an addtional mouth we have to feed. He's our Jack with his son, Lewis BlackCat[/img]