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Really rough night


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Thanks to all of you for the love and support. Your kindness really helps.

Brian has accelerated his downward trend. Last night he began w/ a dizzy spell like he had in church last week and it went from bad to worse. He was sick to his stomach, had diahrea, chills, sweats and dizzyness all at once. When the worst of that was over I got him to bed and he said he felt like everything was fading away from him.

I sat up all night with him and he is actually a bit better this morning.

I got him to the hospital for his Neupogen shot........I never ever in my wildest dreams thought we would be able to do that today , but we did it. He is awesome. They were wonderful at the hospital........let me park in the drop off zone and got him his shot and got us out in less than 7 minutes.

Obviously we skipped church, and he is back in bed now. We had a really good talk and decided to discuss hospice w/ our doc tomorrow.

I just don't want things to spiral to a point where Brian is unable to call the shots.

My understanding is that hospice can be involved even if Brian is receiving palliative treatment??? I called each of the children to give them a personal update and those calls went very very well. Our children have really come through for Brian and me......He has had great hugs and visits and loving exchanges with each of them, their spouses and the grands.

Anyway, wanted to thank you for the loving posts, pms, emails, calls, packages and mostly the loving support.

You guys are such a gift to us.

Please keep praying.

Beth, Brian said last night that Bill was really on his mind. Hope things are well with you.



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I feel like a useless, powerless lump of girl over here. I wish I had something to say that could ease this for you. I want to second your instincts to call for help (hospice), though I know nothing about it myself.

I love you both and am spiritually cheerleading you all the way. I pray for comfort and healing for you both.



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How helpless I feel to be able to do nothing here for you and dear Brian :cry: . My days are prayer filled for you and those others struggling at this time. I never knew I had so many prayers in me, honestly. I think prayer is a lot like love....you never run out. The more you give, the more you have.

So dear Pat and Brian, here come more prayers. I so wish I could come by and lend a hand. I cannot even begin to imagine how exhausted you both must be.

Your strength is just awesome, your love for each other...exemplary, your spirituality...inspirational, your courage...unequaled, your trust...limitless.

Much love and MANY prayers (including novenas and candles),


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Pat and Brian...I am so very sorry that you had such a bad night but I am also glad to hear that things are better today. Glad to hear that Brian was able to make it to the hospital and that they got you in and out so quickly! I pray that you will will both have a good day. It's good to discuss some of the really big decisions while you both feel up to talking about them. It makes it so much easier if both have input on these decsiions. Yes, Pat, you can still recieve pallative treatment while Hospice is helping.

I'm saying prayers for both of you, as well as Beth and Bill. I know how both of you dear ladies feel right now. I was at the exact same place three years ago. Everyone seems to be hustling and bustling about getting ready for the holidays and all you want is to hold onto the love of your life!!! Hang on ladies...we're praying for miracles!

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I think the issue of calling the shots is a very valid one. Every day is what we make of it and I admire Brian so much for his strength of spirit through this. I have love and healing thoughts for you both and as many prayers as I know you said last night....that should suffice for this morning's church. A church of two surrounded by all of the prayers of the people here who love you. The people in your church know what you are going through. Don't be afraid to call them and let them know what you need. I've baked cookies and casseroles enough to know how much they are appreciated.



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I'm so sorry to hear Brian is not getting better.

Search for hospice online in your area. Different organizations have different options. The one we are using sends a cna every day, and Mom isn't even on their hospice program! They have a home care program for people who are seriously ill but aren't ready for hospice. It's been a godsend.

Prayers for you both.

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Poor Brian, so sorry to hear he had a bad night. I think the hospice will be a great help to you both. Make sure you check into what's available in your area--get some recommendations if you can. I hope you have some good days ahead.


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I was so saddened to read you're post. I also believe Hospice will be a God send to you both. I am just so very sad and really dont know what to say. I pray for many more wonderful days together, but most of all I pray for a miracle. We never know Pat but that miracle may be that Brian is called to Heaven and lives in God's paradise, not having to fight this beast any more. I pray for time for the both of you to cuddle, snuggle and love some more! My biggest prayer is the cancer would stop robbing us of our loved ones!

My love and support to both of you as you journey ahead.

God Bless,


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In our area there was something called, "The Bridge." It was a hospice-like organization for folks who still wanted to do some sort of treatment, but needed extra help. Our doctor had the information for us. I wonder if someone at the hospital there could tell you if there is anything in that vein that you both could look into?

I will pray that you will find the perfect organization to help you through right where you are.

I won't stop praying.



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