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Blowing off steam--Major vent here


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First of all I will say that yesterday tho not a really good day was bearable. I took the lady I care for out to dinner at Marie Calendars. The dinner was great but it seemed so unreal, so unThanksgiving. Still it is the first Thanksgiving in 3 years that I have not spent alone. My "new normal" keeps changing.

Now to the vent. This morning when I woke up it was raining and I realized that I had slept much later than I should have. There would be no time to set with my coffee and wake up slowly. For over a week now an old back problem has been acting up. I not only have the sciatica pain down my left leg but something hurts in my right hip. Add a sore neck from having a crick in it a few days ago and I really didn't feel like going to work. Well not much choice there.

Then when I called the bank to get the amount of my check that was deposited it was nearly $50 short. Do you see a pattern here? I almost let it get me down and then I got mad! The mistake in my check will get worked out. I know that. What makes me mad is I feel like someone is doing a number on me. Wonder if it is my ex sticking pins into a voodo doll hoping I will fail so he can gloat?

I just can't help but wonder if someone is wishing bad things on me or if the devil is trying to undermine my faith or if maybe God is testing my faith. Well I'm not sure if it is my faith, determination or if I am just too damn stuborn to give up. I just know that I will not give up. I will keep working and trusting that God will get me through these bad times.

Second vent. Today I went to the lady who has so many problems. She was in bed when I got there so I sat a few minutes to read the notes from the other caregivers who went in my absense. That is when I realized that she spent the whold day alone yesterday. Her only company was a caregiver dropping by to check on her. She didn't even have a Thanksgiving dinner! Her son lives only miles from her. How much would it have meant for him to take her to his home and share his Thanksgiving with his mom?

This man is willing to do anything his mom needs. He makes sure that she has food in the house and us to take care of her. He even cut her hair Wednesday. Yet when it came to yesterday she was alone. The reason is simple I learned a while back that she doesn't get along good with his wife. This man is a minister. I just can't believe that he doesn't have the guts to stand up for his mom and take her to his home for a little while. If not that at least take a dinner to her and spend a little while with her.

I know I don't have the right to judge him. Maybe I'm not even judging him but myself. I think of all of the holidays that I spent so far away from my own mother, my family. We had to live where my husband wanted by his family. We had to spend all of the holidays with them. Not one time did I have the guts to stand up and say "alright now it is my turn, my mother's turn". God how could I have been such a wimp :?:

I was thousands of miles away but this man is only ten miles. He just doesn't know how lucky he is to still have his mom alive. To have her close enough that he could go spend time with her.

Vent number 3. Today is the official start of the holiday season. For the next two weeks I will welcome the words "Happy holidays" and I will use them too. The week before Christmas that will change. I will tell everyone "Merry Christmas".

Years ago I worked with a young man from Iran. He had left there so he would not be forced to fight for the Iatola or have his family punished if he didn't. He was not a Christian and we all knew that and we respected his beliefs. When Christmas eve came he started telling all of us "Merry Christmas". I asked him why he would do that if he didn't believe in Christ and he said it was because we did. He respected our beliefs and wished us to enjoy our Christmas. That night when we got off work he had champagne to toast with all of us.

Now everywhere you go people only want to say "Happy holidays". It is politically incorrect to say "Merry Christmas". Well I say to hell with politics!

One of the reasons people came here and settled this country was to have freedom of religion. To be able to worship how, when and where they wanted. We are supposed to be guaranteed that right. Our constitution says that there should be a seperation of church and state. I can understand that. No one wants the government telling us how or when to worship. No one wants the church telling the government how it should be run. In the last few years that line has been crossed again and again by both sides. The paper it is written on is just about as useless as the paper that gives us the right to worship where , how and when we chose.

If a store does not want to offend anyone by saying "Merry Christmas" that is their right. I just find it much more offensive that they can just change it to "Happy holidays" and still profit from the ones who believe in Christmas and spend the most money :!:

So this Christmas I will say "Merry Christmas" anytime I feel like it. I will not do it to offend anyone. I will do it because that is my way of expressing my beliefs while wishing others happiness. I don't expect everyone to believe as I do. I just expect them to give me the same curtesy that I give them. I expect them to respect my beliefs and my right to express them. If they can't do that it is their problem not mine.

So I got all of that off my chest and it sure feels good. Sorry if I offended anyone. That is never my intention. I just keep searching for the world that I know used to exist before it got so crazy.

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