bronbear Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I have a big problem that I am finding myself unable to deal with. My dad died on October 4, 2005 so everything is very fresh and recent. My mom was not an easy person by any means before my dad's illness, but now she is almost impossible. She is mad at the world and she lets everyone know it. She blames the rehabilitation place he was in for not taking good care of him and leading to the septic infection that he died from. I am angry with this place too, but I don't take it out on other people. She came down to my house for Thanksgiving to spend it with me and my family. I knocked myself out for her to have as nice of a Thanksgiving as possible, but she was just miserable to everyone. It wasn't sadness either - it was like she was mad and didn't really want to be there. An old friend of hers called to talk to her and she didn't want to take the phone because she is mad at her that she hasn't called her much since my dad died. She finally took the phone and told her she was busy and hung up on her. I was mortified. This lady is a friend of mine as well and I feel terrible that my mom treated her that way. The entire time my mom was at our house she hardly talked to anyone. My kids kept wondering if they did something to make her mad. Then, out of the blue on Saturday morning, I cheerfully asked her what she wanted to do that day and she told me "I'm heading home." She got her stuff together and was going to leave without even telling the kids goodbye (they were still asleep). She lives 180 miles away. I had to go rush and wake them up so they could say goodbye to her. She left and I felt just horrible. I must have cried for a couple of hours. Part of it was grieving for my dad and part of it was because it's like I have lost my mom too. When she got home, I talked to her and she was nice as could be and told me how much she enjoyed her visit. I told her that it sure didn't seem like it and I let her know (nicely) that the kids were upset by how she treated them when she was down there. She got very defensive and told me that it was hard. I told her I know it is hard - because it is very hard for me too. She told me that she had lost her dad a few years ago and it wasn't the same thing. I feel like she thinks she has a monopoly on the grief here. I am hurting too - I helped take care of my dad throughout his illness too and I watched him waste away to 120 pounds. I was holding his hand when he died. I can't even explain the depths of my grief and I know that she is hurting too, but is it so hard to acknowledge that my family is feeling a great loss as well? We have done nothing but try to help her out throughout this ordeal. Long story short, she hung up on me on Saturday and I haven't heard from her since. I know that I am going to have to be the one to call her because she is very stubborn but I am having a difficult time thinking of what to say. I don't feel like I should apologize, because I didn't do anything hurtful to her. Please give me some advice, because this is tearing me up. I know my mom needs all the support she can get right now. She is already on bad terms with my sister, she does not talk to her brother and she is even mad at my grandmother. I don't want her to be alone, but I feel like she is pushing me away when I am only trying to be there for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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