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Tell us something about your loved one


LynneH

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I was reading Donna's post today about the hard day she is having over the loss of her brother Mark.

Cindy had a wonderful request that Donna pm her and share something special about her brother.

It always makes me smile to get to talk about Jim.

Is there something that you would like to tell us about your special person? Touching, silly, sad, hilarious, doesn't matter. I would like to know more about them.

Lynne

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Earl had gorgeous blue eyes and used them to his advantage. He batted them, he rolled them, but mostly they had a great twinkle in them. We would sit in chairs on opposite sides of the family room at night. Something always told me to look at him and I always found those beautiful eyes staring at me.

The night he died, he awoke and kissed me and spoke to me and then just continued to stare at me with those beautiful eyes. We realized that he was not aware after awhile, and we gently closed his eyes.

But my family and friends all joke about how Earl used those beautiful eyes.

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Well, I'm going to jump in here. Can't help myself.

Along the lines of Ginny's post, Jim had the most wonderful lips. Actually, I was envious and used to wish that I had his lips. Mine are thin and his were luscious. Pretty nice to kiss!

He would not be thrilled that I am telling you this. So, I better throw in that he was smart, very funny, extremely talented writer, and had good manners.

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Wow...where do I begin on this one? Dennis was just a great guy! He was a great husband, father and son but I think his best attribute was his ability to be a friend. He was a really big guy...6'3"...236 pounds but he had the heart of a teddy bear. His ability to be a good friend really hit me at his memorial service. You have no idea how touching it is to see big "construction worker type" guys sobbing out loud. Dennis was a plumbing contractor and so many times, he seemed to be guided to a young guy that was really unskilled and down on his luck. Dennis would take him under our wings, give him a job and teach him a trade. It's so nice to now get a call from these guys who are doing well in life. There's a little story about people being sent into our lives for a time and purpose to fulfill the work of God. Well, I truly believe my Dennis was one of those angels!

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Okay..here goes..Mark was loving, compassionate, funny, a great hairdresser from NYC, giving all the time, helping sick people on the ambulance, he was an EMT..he was an all around great guy and the world's BEST brother..After his first round of chemo was done, he brought all the nurses Godiva Chocolates to say thanks for all they did..Always giving gifts to say thanks..God gave us a gift, when he gave us Mark..To know him was to love him..

Donna

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Lynne, this really is a very good idea and very healthy in our time of loss.

Although this board isn't big enough for me to post about all my loved ones, (grin), it is so important to keep there memory alive.

I know when I lost my loved ones I didn't want people to forget about them, and sadly enough, most people don't feel comfortable when you talk about the loss of a loved one.

If we are allowed to talk about them we are allowing our grief to do what it has to do. Some people hold things in, and some people feel better sharing there loved ones with others. As we know we are all different.

Another meth is, after we lose a loved one, people tend to think we drop into depression. They think you need professional help right away, or you need to get drugs from a doctor. Well, yes, in some cases that may be true, but in most cases that's why it is called the grieving process. You cry, your sad, you feel lost, alone, wishing it was you that passed and not them, all very normal thoughts. It takes time, and people tend to think after a period of time, we need to get over our grief and sadness and learn how to move on. Well, yes and no to that one! We all do these things in our own way and in our own time.

I did attend a several grieving classes and I did see a counselor after my son died, and they shared with me, that if our grief goes on in a very deep sadness and the lost feelings don't get better or softer, for a length of around two years, THEN they feel you many wish to seek professional help. But again, everyone is different.

So, I think this is a wonderful way for all of us to always remember our loved ones. Lets talk about them and share them with one another. And when we have just lost a loved one, and the pain is so fresh and new and deep, we need a place we can go to.

I always suggest checking out a grief support group or course, or class. They really are very helpful and comforting in many ways. I went after my mom died, and after my sister and I went to counseling after my son. But, I will say, I didn't do it right away. I waited a while a couple or few months, and just let my grief run it's course a little. What works for me doesn't always work for others. But to often grief is confused with depression. Even my counselor and all the grief counselors shared that one with us. It really gave me food for thought and just made since to me. But, it's also important to know that your grief can turn to depression as time goes on if you don't learn to cope.

Thank you Lynne for making this a post.

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My brother, Dick, was the King of Hearts in high school. All the girls wanted to be my friend so that they could have a chance at getting closer to Dick.

He was 6'3" and fast on the track field. He was a chamelion. He was a very, very bad boy! And when he needed to impress, he was as charming as could be. He was a man's man.

He was very proud of his dancing skills..(in my opinion, they sucked). When we went out to party at a club, he had no qualms about dancing with his sister. We had a great time on the dance floor in spite of his fancy footwork. While his arms were doing a William Hung (She Bangs) movement, his feet were doing a backwards thing that looked like he was slipping on a banana peel and then he would suddenly do a tornado like spin that would result in a huge grin that said..."wasn't that a great move?"

"Not really...", I would think, but I would smile...oh, yeah, Dick, you are good. How 'bout another beer?

He loved to hunt ducks, pheasant, quail and deer.

He could make you feel valuable with just a couple of words. He never will never become an old man. He will always be young and handsome. He lived more in his 37 years than most live in three lifetimes.

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Thank you Lynne for starting this I am enjoying reading about all these wonderful people.

When we talked to the Father about what we wanted shared at moms funeral while she was a good wife we wanted it known that she was a great Mom who loved being a mom.

We remembered how she would stay up till 3 in the morning and when we woke up there would be a pretty dress hanging on our closet door.

We remembered how she always did without so we could have.

How she stayed up with us when we were ill and how in our teen years she waited up till we were safely home.

She loved to make each holiday special. I remember how we would all decorate the tree and then while we were sleeping she would decorate the rest of the house. It always seemed so magical the next moring when we got up to see all the decorations.

She also loved to give gifts. After each hospital visit she would be telling my dad to get flowers or candy for the nurses. Towards the end she was always telling my dad different things to go out and buy us. I think she knew she didn't have much time and was trying to get her Christmas shopping done. Something she always had done by October, bought and wrapped! A trait I never acquired :?

Mom was loving, a hardworker, fun, stubborn and at times opinionated and she is greatly missed.

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If you met my dad- you would think he was quiet, well read in history and mechanical sciences, maybe kind of shy or serious.

But here is a memory- He would come out of his study (on a Friday late afternoon, after having a few beers) and sing

"OH, I gotta whale of a tale to tell ya son, a whale of a tale or TWOoooOOOOooo...." (totally off key and silly) with a big grin that was so big his green eyes got all squinty. :lol:

I have many many memories, but this one makes me really smile.

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My Mom was amazing, she had soo many friends and was the glue of my family. So strong right to the last day. She would always know just what I was thinking and showed amazing patience with me. Ten years later I still think of her 100 times a day. People tell me I remind them so much of her, what a compliment.I was Grandma and Grandpas little girl. They had no daughters and I was the only granddaughter. My Grandpa always got me and him identical slippers every Christmas and he would always shave right before I came over so he wouldn't be scruffy. He and my Gram loved each other so deeply. She made the best Christmas cookies every year. She would have to start in October because she made so many. They would be in everyones freezers until christmas. Boy will I miss those cookies this year.

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I'm sure most of you have seen the holiday film It's a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Steward well this was Jim he brought our town back to life. As Mayor for 5 years when the bank closed he brought one in along with a nice market, a motel and a prison. He negotiated with the prison to build us a new city hall and a fire department. He served the city for over 20 years in different positions without ever being paid. What a interesting life we had. At sixteen riding a Harley Davison with the Hells Angels. Been to Hollywood parties flew over Mt. Rushmore in a balloon. So many adventures to numerous to mention. As Jim would tell people he had three for three meaning all of his children lead good productive lives like himself. What I miss the most is his sense of humor I catch myself thinking I tell Jim about this or that then I realize that he's gone. This isn't meant to be sad because he left three children and ten grandchildren with the same traits and quality as himself so there is always something to laugh about. Carolyn

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I just love this thread.... Such a good idea. And Connie--Your post was so helpful!

What can I tell you about my Mom? She was so dynamic in such a down-to-earth kind of way. Before I was even ten she had taught me the phrase, "Male-dominant stupid gene," but she loved my Daddy... (She just thought he happened to be one of the few good men in the world. ;)). She LOVED trivial pursuit, and scrabble, and anything involving plays on words.

She was funny, and dependable.

I think one of greatest gifts she gave me was the ability to believe I had enough self-worth to choose a mate who really respected me....

Oh and when she watched football games... WOW! Sometimes the room would turn blue with all her shouting, and swearing, and carrying on--especially if it was "Da Bears" or The Steelers.

I could really go on and on... But most of all she was my Mom... And I think the two things she would say she was proudest of would be being my Mom, and being Carolyn's Gramma.

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My first losses were my two parents when I was in my early 20's. Mom (Winifred) died of post-operative peritonitis after gall bladder removal, and dad (Wiley) died of a heart attack. They were both loving and sacrificing parents -- I was very fortunate to know constantly that I was loved and valued. It gave me confidence to endure and live a good life. To keep their memories alive for my three kids, I gave each of them copies of letters my parents had written to me when I was in the military, and then shared about them.

My next close loss was my only sister (Gloria) in 1993 from heart failure. I spoke at her funeral and shared her love of life and people, and her warmth and great humor.

Then a month later, I lost my mother-in-law to a brain tumor. She was like a second mother to me and I was the son she never had (Lucie is an only child). She was a woman before her time -- ran a construction business after her husband died (Lucie was only 16) and ran it successfully. Started a rental business from scratch and made a success of that. She was very loving and supportive of our family. I also spoke at her funeral to share her accolades.

I lost my only brother (Bill) in 1998. He was 14 years older than me so it was a while before we were close. He was a woodworker (a talent I am sadly lacking in) and I was fortunate to get a blanket rack he made before he died.

This thread is an excellent way of honoring and remembering those who have gone before us. Thanks. Don

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well, Donna,

I thank you so much for sending me the words about your brother. I am thinking that the picture that you posted is of you and your handsome brother, Mark...? Right?

You are two gorgeous kids.

I tell you what. I am sure that Mark was at peace in every cell of his body having your love and the love of others around him. What a lucky man to be able to die with that. I know it doesn't make it easier for you, but I tell you, Donna, there are so many people who do go through life without being loved. Your brother was. And many many times over.

It sounds as if he was appreciated by so many for who he was and his skills.

You cared for him far more than most sisters care for their brothers. For that you will never have any regrets. The very sad part is that this disease took him so quickly... I am sorry for that. I know first hand how awful that is. Both my brothers went very fast from diagnosis to death too. Darnit.

One day at a time. Don't forget to breathe OUT..

Cindi o'h

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Dear Cindi,

Your kind words mean so much..I am glad you like the picture of Mark and me, that was taken last summer 2004 in Florida..You and I share a lot, loosing our brothers at such a young age and loving them so much it hurts..I am so glad i have all of you to talk to, you all have been a blessing to me..When mark was sick, I would post here late at night and always find comfort right till the end..I am sure God and Mark will give me the strength I need to move on, I know I can always count on my friends..

Blessing and lots hugs,

Donna

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am sure God and Mark will give me the strength I need to move on, I know I can always count on my friends

Donna,

With each heartbreaking death, I didn't think I could survive the pain either. I really didn't think it was possible.

Then I would wake up the next morning and face the day again with a hole in my heart.

With most passing days, the wound became smaller, and somehow more tolerable.

After awhile, I grew to believe that for me to survive the loss of a love was one of God's huge mysteries. It was absolutely too big for myself.

Praying for swiftness in the closing of your wound.

love, Cindi

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My father was warm, gentle and kind, yet the strongest person I know. We had engraved on the back of his headstone "There is nothing so strong and gentleness and nothing so gentle as real strength". He had the most beautiful voice, he was soft-spoken, easy-going, laid back, well-mannered and everyone that met him, loved him. He was a hard worker. Never missed a day of work in his life. He was tall, dark and handsome and had beautiful brown eyes. I look just like him, and love when people that knew him his whole life tell me so. He was a proud U.S. Marine. He loved animals. I remember when our first family pet, Wags, had to be put to sleep, I would hear him crying in the bathroom for weeks. He would try to say no to us, and then give in, just like he did when we asked for that dog, who he obviously ended up falling in love with. I was Daddy's Little Girl and the apple of his eye. When his only grandchild came along, she became the apple of his other eye. One of the last things he said to me was, "you will always be my baby girl". He could sing and dance wonderfully. He always put his family first. He was the only man that ever really loved me. Everything I have and everything I am is because of him. He was the best Dad and Grandpa in the world. He will be missed for all eternity and loved forever.

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There are so many and each was a very special person. They all still live in my heart.

The first close loss years ago was a lady who babysit me while Mama was working. She was sick so home bound but she taught me so many things.

The next was my youngest brother. He was handsome talented and fun to be around. He died in 1974 at the age of 37.

Next was my oldest brother. He married when I was only 6 but he would always be there for me when I needed him. When I was about 5 and all of the other little girls had Easter dresses and I had none he got his income tax check and bought me a special dress. I will never forget that.

My other brother died in 1985 just 6 and a half months before Mama. He was the most loyal and had the best heart but life really gave him a raw deal. He was in love with Johnny's sister. When she was murdered in December 1974 it nearly killed him. He never stopped loving her.

Johnny's sister was my best friend. She was the sister that I never had. I remember her as shy in someways and kind. She was also very nieve about many things. I hadn't seen her in years before she died but her death still haunts me.

My mother raised 5 kids. She did it vertually alone becaue my dad was an alcoholic. She put up with him for years, never would leave him. She worked at a canery for over 40 years doing seasonal work and in the winter somehow she would feed us all and keep a roof over our heads. She did that on $25 a week. She never bought anything for herself. Everything was for her kids. She taught us good work ethics and she also told us that you could be poor but you could still be clean. She never took a penny of public assistance. She was too proud she knew it was hard but she did it alone. She died in 1985 with lung cancer but I know that it was really a broken heart that killed her. No mother should ever have to bury 4 of her children. I just wish that I had known Mama better. I knew a lot about her but I never asked about her dreams or how it was for her to fall in love. Just so many things that I wish she could tell me now.

Johnny was the one that hit me the hardest. He was my soul mate. The other part of myself. He was so handsome and talented. He had the best heart and he would give his last dime to help a child even if he knew that he would go a week with little or nothing to eat. He loved people and accepted them as they were and people were drawn to him. When I first met him I was so jealous. He could have had any woman yet he loved me. It was very hard for me to realize that at first. He forgave all of the people who hurt him the most. Believe me when I say he had a lot to forgive.

He taught me what real love is. He also taught me that sometimes you may have to look a little harder but there is good in everyone. He loved nature and animals loved him. He could get along with any animal and loved to just sit and watch the sky or river or animals. He gave me a sense of self worth twice in my life. He will always be with me. He is just so much a part of me of who and what I am.

I have had many losses in my life and one thing I have learned is that it doesn't get easier. Each is just as painful as the first. I have also learned that each one who dies takes a part of us with them and they leave much of themselves with us. Love is something that always comes fullcircle.

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My first loss was my mother n law in 2001. lorraine died of lung cancer only 4 weeks after being diagnosed.She was a wonderful giving woman. I loved her dearly...especially because I married her wonderful loving son. He was so kind hearted, he had ocean blue eyes, and a great sense of humor. Over 19 years with him...he made me laugh, over and over again. He was an excellent stepfather to my children...actually a father. He was a wonderful husband..and I will never find anyone else to match up to him. HE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I lost him June 21,2005 to lung cancer.....then Oct 21st, 2005 I lost my other best friend....my baby brother who was 41 years old. He died in his sleep. We are awaiting autopsy reports. He was an angel send to this earth..suffering from epilepsy..but living a productive normal life. He was so giving. Never, ever, not being there for you if you needed him. His death has broken my heart into pieces. Those are my losses...and those are my memories. They are all special people...now angels in heaven. :!:

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my dad was very handsome and a great dancer. he could also fix anything. i mean anything. he was generous and kind and very wise. he was also a worrier. one time when he was sick, i was sitting beside him, just keeping him company. he was in and out of consciousness and out of the blue he leaned over and tried to flick my nose. he awoke and thenlooked at me and said, "i was turning on a light." ha ha. i love him and miss him immensely. mirrell

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I won't write about all the loses I had

it would be too long.

I live and I'm all alone now since Mike died,

but I am never alone, all those memories of those gone are always with me to cheer me up and push me

to keep living.

Thank you fo making us think of it.

J.C.

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