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I recieved a special gift today just when I needed it the most.

The weather was terrible today. I was nervous about driving to work and even more I was fighting to keep those terrible memories from 3 years ago from getting me down. Then on the way to work it was not only raining but foggy. That was just too much! It reminded me of that cold white wall of fog that wouldn't let up the last several days of Johnny's life. This day 3 years ago was the last full day together and it was just heartbreaking. He was is such bad shape and they humilitated him so many times. Those memories tear at my heart.

I got to my client's (my special lady) and fixed her breakfast. The weather was so bad and I was dreading that long trip home again. The wind was blowing at almost gale force and it was really raining. It wasn't like a California rain but like the rains I had gotten used to in Louisiana.

I went to her patio door to look out and that is when I saw it. There was a robin sitting out there. The wind was really buffeting him but he never moved. It was as if he were looking right at me. He stayed there for a good 5 minutes. The whole time I was there looking out he never left. Later I went back again and sure enough he came back :!: And like the first time he stayed until I had to go do something. That happened 3 times. The last time he flew into a little tree and sat there and another one joined him. The wind was so strong that tree was almost bent in half but they never moved until I did. That lifted my heart. I needed it so badly.

For those who don't know before I left Washington after Johnny died I was really torn. I couldn't stay there alone but how could I leave the place we had shared so much happiness in? I had had so many strange things happen and I knew that he was still with me in someway. If I left would I lose him completely?

I asked him for one of three signs to let me know if he approved of my move and to let me know if he would still be with me. Two of those things, a donkey and a rooster crowing, had significance for us. The other I just thought up. I asked for a robin mainly because I had not seen one sense I had left Louisiana and felt if I saw a robin it would really be proof that he heard and was with me.

I got the other two signs along with the smell of coffee many times but never a robin until I moved here a year after his death. Then a short while after moving here I started seeing a robin first thing every morning. When I would walk Misty there would be large numbers of robins and they would follow us. It was almost as if they were escorting us. Then suddenly it stopped. I never saw another one. Then the fire came through and for months there were no birds here.

As the birds returned I would look for just one robin but I never saw one. I would still get what I thought might be my sign. Someone would mention a robin out of the blue or something else associated with them would come up. Not long ago I was playing scrabble and the word that jumped out at me was robin. One day I went to one of my clients house who has a large collection of birds carved from wood. When I got there for some reason she had taken the robin down and placed it on the table. Still I wanted more.

As these final days were approaching I kept asking Johnny for something to get me through these days. I had several things happen but still questioned them. I was begging him to let me see a robin. I told him if he would let me see a real live robin that I would know beyond a doubt that he is with me. Today I got what I asked for. I got my sign from my Johnny. I know that he still sees and hears and knows what is in my heart and he is keeping his promise to never leave me again.

Now if I can just get through tonight and past the time in the morning maybe I will be alright. I just have to trust. I have to believe. I love and I trust God and Jesus and need them in my life but I still need my Johnny. I need him to make me feel whole.

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