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Sorry need to vent


dchurchi

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Sorry my friends, but I need to vent a bit. My plate is full as it is and now my family is piling on a bit. Please understand I love my family and will do anything for them and there lays the problem.

My mom lives most of the year in Florida and has a couple of homes here in California. Well one just sold and all the furniture needs to be out on the 13th of this month. So with my mom in Florida how does this get done?? Simple call Deb and ask her to take 2 days off work to meet the movers and supervise the move :?:? What am I supposed to say? Well of course I said "no problem" My mom knows she is asking the world of me right now and the timing could not be worse, it is just I am feeling very overwhelmed right now. I have taken so much time off work since Alan was DX, that I feel bad telling my employer I need time off to move my mom.

My hope is that my sister, who does not work mind you, might be able to help me out even a little. Also as Alan is feeling pretty good I could drive him to my mom's and he can sit with the movers to make sure everything goes smoothly, but I am not entirely comfortable with that idea. (although Alan jumped at the idea, he knows what a strain this year has been on me).

Well thats the situation in a nut shell.

Thanks all for letting me vent. I know many of you are dealing with more dire issues right now, but I really need to get this off my chest.

Love to all of you

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Deb, I hope something can get worked out to take a little pressure off your already heavy shoulders. Was there a reason your mom didn't call on your sister to help you with this? I'm sure she knows, especially after seeing Alan recently, that things are tough for the two of you right now. I would try turn this mission over to your sister, if I were you.

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It's hard for others to adjust to things changing. We had to learn to start saying no--and you do too. You can no longer do the things for others that you used to be able to do. Ask your sister, or let your husband do it if he's up to it. Next time, tell your mom that you would love to help her but she'll have to aks someone else. Just say no.

Rochelle

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The key here is to ASK.

It's true there are some of us who "come thru" always for others. That's a good thing. But when you have so much going on in your own "house" so to speak, sometimes you have to have help...and to get it you have to ASK.

for those of us who do things for others and are the dependable ones, sometimes it is difficult to step outside and ask for help. I had to learn- after just about losing my mind - that if I didn't ask, people just assumed I could handle everything and that,like always, I had it under control. If they ONLY knew! LOL.

Truth is, right now, just about nothing is in your control and your doing the best you can to keep your heads above water with fighting the disease, the emotions that come with it AND all the other "normal" things you must deal with.

It's ok to ask for help. And like RY said, it is certainly ok to say no.

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Debbie,

Ask your sister for some help, making it sound

just good sisterly and kind of fun moving Mon,

her answer will let you know what you may expect

in the future.

Answer:Yes, go for it and enroll her to help.

Anwer:No, you will have to do it, but mention

it to your mother after all is done..........

Your mother wants all well done and relied on you

probably for many years, she could learn to involve

your sister when your plate is overflowing.

Best to you and Alan.

Hugs

J.C.

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Why is it, we seem to always have a problem with saying no to our parents. (for the most part)! :roll:

You said, What am I suppose to say? Anwser: No I can't help at this time because it's all very bad timing for me.

And on that note, you could maybe suggest she ask your sister.

Wow, you sure brought back some memories for me on that one Deb. But, I learned HONSESTY Works in MY FAVOR! Maybe doesn't please others all the time, but it works well in my heart, as long as I don't hurt someone.

(No) can be said in many kind ways. But, it's all what we're use to until we practice a new way of communicating. Just takes a little time to learn. Been there done that, and am still working on it for ever and ever, Amen! :wink: ((((DEB)))))

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You really do need to ask for help. Don't assume that anyone knows what is on your mind even if they do know what a rough time you are having. If you don't ask you give them the oportunity to just ignore the situation.

As for venting you have to remember that while dealing with cancer even small things can become a big hardship and what you are expected to do is not a small thing. Vent away that is what we are here for.

Ask for help and tell your mom that you know how much she needs help but you are just drained and don't have any more to give at this time. Hopefully she will either let you off the hook herself or your sister will wake up and do the right thing. If not tell her that she will have to ask your sister when she needs something else because your plate is just too full.

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Yep....time to say "No".

One of the hardest parts of this disease, for me, is not being able to do all the things others have asked of me. And one of the hardest things for many I know to accept is that I can no longer do all they want me to do.

Hope your sister will help, or maybe you can telephone your Mom to let her know she needs to come up to California for several days to supervise the move.

Hang in there.

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Two thoughts here..."just say no, kindly" or maybe there is a friend that could go with Alan. Alan could supervise the move (and he gets to know that he is helping and still very much relied on, which would be a good thing) the friend could make sure that Alan doesn't over do and keep Alan company. It is rather boring sitting and waiting for the movers to come back to reload. Just a thought.

Please know my prayers are with you!

Cheryl

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Some of the best advice I have gotten on this board is to ASK for help when you need it. Some people tend to be the ones who run forward to everything that needs to be done without even being asked...others will help out if we specifically ask them to do something.

Ask your sister if she could handle the move, she may surprise you!

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Hi Debbie; I hope you ask your sister to do it and I hope your sister agrees to it. Maybe you could call your mom back and tell her it is too much for you to handle now and both you and your mom could talk to your sister about coordinating the move.

Good Luck

P.S. I hate moving

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