Hello,I am new my father has lung cancer

[char]

Hello my name is Char. We just found out that my Father has Advanced Lung Cancer 2 weeks ago.

It has spread all through out his body. The pain he is in is horrible.

My Father and is a strong person who does everything for my Mother and you can see in his face that this is killing him how the slights thing he has trouble doing.

The hard part of this for be beside it being my Dad is the distance between us. He is Montreal and i am in Memphis. I flew down last week to see him meet with the Doctor's and the nurse's talk about the treatments etc. And be there for them. (Be Daddy's little girl as he See's me.) The hard thing was not to cry in front of him to be strong to keep up that front for him. But i must admit he has a wonderful attitudes willing to do what every it takes . He believes he can beat this and how can i take that away from him.What do i do? How do i get through the day with out crying?

[melindasue37]

Hi Char,

When I read your post it brought back all the emotions I had after finding out my Mom had lung cancer. I remember like it was yesterday how I cried until I thought I couldn't anymore. After the initial shock, you'll begin to realize it doesn't do any good to stay in that state of mind. You need to be there for your Dad. He needs to know that you believe as much as he does that he CAN fight this AND beat it.

And guess what....ya never know....there are so many here that have done just that!!!!!

Just take a deep breath & lean on us here for support. We have all been exactly where you are now. You'll be ok, it is just a very rough thing to try to comprehend when you first hear the news.

Stay optimistic and please let us know how you are doing.

Warm Hugs,

Melinda

[dchurchi]

Char,

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad, but happy you found us. Do not worry about crying, we have all been there. My husband was disnosed almost a year ago and there are some days I just cry all day long. Then I recover and am strong enough to take care of what needs to get done. I will admit that I obviously am very close to the situation as I live with my husband, I am not sure how I would handle being far away.

The toughest part will be these first couple of weeks, but believe it or not you will fall back into some sort of "routine" as will your parents.

Try and stay strong and I will pray for you and your family, you are not alone

[bunny]

I have learned to let myself cry - it clears the way for all the strength I've needed to help my mom fight her cancer. I am so sorry to hear of your father's diagnosis, and suffering. we're here for you for information, support, whatever we can do.

xoxo

amie

[Don Wood]

Welcome, Char. Glad you are here for support. Crying is not a bad thing. It is normal and necessary to get through what we have to go through. Let us know how we may support you. Don

[Donna G]

Welcome Char. So sorry to hear about your Dad. Glad you are here. Donna G

[Lauriannessister]

Hello, char.

If you need to cry, you should cry. I know with my sister's diagnosis, I cried a lot. If you can't cry in front of your dad, then excuse yourself and cry in the bathroom. However, I am sure there will be lots of tears all around. However, it doesn't make you weaker.

I hope the best for your dad during this difficult time.

[Frank Lamb]

Char,welcome to our support family.There are many knowing and caring people here.Very few if any that have not shed some tears at some time or another.Even us tough old guys will hide a watery eye at times when no one is looking.

It is perfectly ok to cry.There are many shoulders here to cry on.

[MilliBr1]

Welcome to the board! Sorry to hear about your dad I will add him to my prayer list.

[J.C.]

Char,

Sorry about your father, tears may help you

if you have them before you see him, just follow

his way of dealing with lc when you are together,

very hard to tell ahead of time the way a person

will react, tears are a normal fonction and never

hold them back, we all had tears of happiness

in our life and were never ashamed of them, so

if tears comes to your eyes just let them fall

and call them tears of love for your father.

Just tell us what we can do to help.

Hugs

J.C.

[ma's kid]

Welcome to the board, Char...we are here for you whenever you need us. It's ok to cry and believe me, we all do it!

One day at a time, Char and you and your family are in my prayers.

Libby

[luvmydog2]

I am sorry to hear about your father but wanted to say welcome to our little family. You will find loads of info here. Whatever you are feeling at the time, someone here has traveled in your shoes. Stay with us and keep us informed of your progress while we travel this road together. We will cry with you or laugh with you. Just let us know what your needs are. The best advice I can offer you is to take it one day at a time and don't read between the lines. No need to borrow trouble. Again, Welcome.

[Don M]

Welcome Char; it is especially hard now, but things should get better once your dad gets a treatment plan in place. Later stage lung cacner is much more treatable now than it was just a few years ago. I wish the best fro you, your dad and your mom.

Don M

[hollyanne]

Char -

I have to echo what everyone else has said. The first few weeks, first few appointments were unbearable for me as my mom was diagnosed with stage IV as well. The night that Peter Jennings died, I didn't think I was going to make it through the night. Yet, once you get a treatment plan in place, you will feel a sense of control -- juts knowing you are doing something. I still have days when I think too far ahead, try to figure out the future -- what nextm when, what will it be like, etc -- that I lose it. The best advice anyone gave me: Take it one day at a time -- sounds so trite and obvious, but there will be good days and crappy days.

There are som wonderful people on this site who have a wealth of information to offer...I can pretty much guarantee whatever you or your dad go through...someone on this board can help you with info on it from experience.

I am sorry you needed to find us -- but I am glad you are here.

Holly

[daggiesmom]

There is alot of support here. Come with your questions, and concerns. We're here for you. Cry anytime you want to. You are in a very tough situation and we understand. Go to the doctor's appointments if you can and write down everything they say. Please let us know how you're doing.

Joanie

[dadstimeon]

Welcome Char, Glad you found us, lots of support here.

Rich

[Susan]

Hi Char- Welcome to the forum ! You will find all kinds of support here. I couldn't help but cry in front of Rachel and it was OK-I later found out that it was good because it allowed her to cry too- she tried to be so strong most of the time and she needed to let it out just as your dad probably does.Hang in there, you are in all of our thoughts and prayers- we are here for you.

[Maryanne]

Hi Char,

I would also like to welcome you here. When you find out more about your dad's LC make a profile for him that will appear on the bottom of your post, so we could learn more about him.

LC is not a death sentence no matter what stage he is. So many here have beaten the odds. So please if you are thinking that remove those negative throughs from your mind.

I know how scared you are as I have also been there. Crying...that is a form of release and good for the soul.

Once your dad is in treatment, you will all learn to accept it and it will get better for you and your family. This is new and it is so scarey.

You said he has a good attitude, well that is half the battle there. Always be up around him and your mom.

I know you live far, but thank G-d for phones. Call him as much as you can and visit when you can.

We are always here for you, if you have questions, or need support.

Maryanne

[Leslie221]

Welcome Car,

This is the worst of times - shock, fear, uncertainty, helplessness. As time goes on and treatment becomes more understandable and routine, you learn more and have less fear of the unknown, and your mind and emotions learn to adapt - things will get easier.

This is a time to cry. If not now, when? Get it out whenever you need to and when it will cause the best healing for you and the least harm to anyone who is frightened by tears. Here are some quotes I found that you can think of when you feel you must hide your deepest feelings, even from yourself:

The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep. ~Henry Maudsley

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water. ~Antoine Rivarol

To weep is to make less the depth of grief. ~William Shakespeare, King Henry the Sixth

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. ~Albert Smith

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea. ~Isak Dinesen

If you don't cry when you need to and try to bottle it up, crying will want to come out all the time, even when it isn't really needed. You can cry with your dad when it feels right, instead of worrying you will burst into tears about everything because you hold it all back.

No one likes to feel they are the cause of a loved's one's sadness and tears - that human nature, especially for dads. But the sharing of love, the closeness of sharing tears, the warmth you give your dad by sharing those tears with him once in awhile, are invaluable to both of you. And, as Susan said, it may give the opportunity he desperately needs to let out his own healing tears.

If you lived in the same house full-time with your dad, you'd still feel helpless at first. But it can only be a little worse being far away. I'm so sorry for that. You don't need to have to hassle with logistics and money and travel right now. Call often, send him cards all the time, make a video to send him, send pictures - there are lots of ways to be with him besides being right there. And he may like that kind of closeness even better than constant visits during times when he's not up to long visits.

Hang in there, Char. You're not alone.

Leslie

[MalouDP]

Hi Char:

It's okey to cry. I still do after 10 months of my husbands diagnosis. I don't cry infront of him but I can't help it, tears just drop whenever, wherever and hold it tight when I'm infornt of him. We are entitled to hit bottom, that's part of being human. Just keep the faith and know that somehow, this too shall pass. The new normal will sit in and take comfort in knowing that everyday that he is here is a gift from above. God Bless you and your family.

Love

Malou

[Cndgrl]

I am new here too and when I read your post I was thinking how much we have in common. My Dad was just diagnosed with LC and we live on different coasts I flew and am here now. I try not to cry to much in front of my parents and am trying real hard to be strong for them.

[Donna]

Char and Cndgrl, you are both in my prayers..Where there if life there is hope, keep that in mind and don't ever give up..

Hugs to you both..

Donna

[char]

I want to say thank you all so very much you kind word mean so much to me . Plus the fact that you all understand helps me to no end at this time.

There are so many questions running through my head. The why, and how comes and what ifs i just want to scream.But i know there is no answer to those questions just a normal reaction i guess.

Well chemo started and i pray he gets the medication in the blind study not the placebo.His spirit's are good and that's all we ask for. Again thank you all so much

[Leslie221]

(((Char)))

Every journey begins with a single step - and you have more than a few behind you already! And you've made it this far, when I know there have been moments you thought you couldn't make it another moment. Hang in there. Do some nice things for yourself, too. YOU need lots of taking care of, too!

Hoping for good results,

Leslie

[Don M]

Hi Char: I see that the placebo treatment is a standard first line treatment. I hope your dad gets good results.

I also looked up bavacizumab on line. Apparently it is avastin. There are a number of people in this group who have avastin used in combination with other drugs as part of their treatment plan.

Don M