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Shock and envy


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Thursday evening I got a call from Bill's brother to let me know that his mother, otherwise in general good health, took a fall and may have broken her hip. An X-ray confirmed it was broken and she was scheduled for surgery yesterday, Friday. Yesterday afternoon we learned that Marylou (Bill's mother) has a 4 cm tumor in her upper right lobe and extremely advanced and invasive cancer in her bones, and pending a PET scan, possible other mets. Just days before Thanksgiving this year we lost Bill's father to lung cancer, I lost Bill on December 9th and now, out of nowhere, Bill's mother has lung cancer. I'm shocked and feel like this is all a bad dream...but I'm also, in a sick way (I realize) very envious of her potential fate and knowing that she soon will likely be where I want to be...with him. He has always been the perfect example of a "Mama's Boy" and worried about how she would cope with his death. When I saw her in such pain Thursday evening, I could not help but feel, for the first time, that I was grateful he was gone and didn't have to see it, it would have truly been unbearable for him. She's decided that what will be, will be and is planning to refuse all treatment. She says she has buried two husbands, two parents, a sister, a nephew and two children...she's ready to go. How I envy her. But, I know that with time I will have a different outlook and until then I will spend much time reminding her of all the things I want her to tell my baby when they are together again! Please keep her in prayer for a swift and painfree release.

Prayers to all and to a better 2006.


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