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My name is Martha my mom is dying with stage 4 lung cancer. What a nightmare this is. I don't think I can cope with this. She had cancer for almost 2 years she was on Iressa which at that time she already was stage 4 so that did prolong her life. It stopped working a 1.5 years later and then she was on Tarceva, a trial which I think made it worst then one traetment of Alimta and then it went down hill. But I never thought we would come to this. She is on 6 liter of oxygen per minute and she can barely move. How can you prepare for what's coming? I love my mom so much we are so closed and I feel like a part of me will go with her. But i can't fall apart I have two young kids to take care of. I don't know what to do. I will appriciate any advice that you can give me!

Thank you!

Martha

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Hello, Martha and welcome to our group. I am sorry that you have a reason to be here but please know that this board is comprised of some of the nicest, caring folks you will ever know. I know you must be heartbroken trying to deal with your mom's illness. It is tough to play the role of daughter and mother at the same time and remain strong for both your mom and your children. I don't think there is a way to really prepare yourself for losing a loved one. Does your family have Hospice to help care for your mom? If not, this would be my first recommendation. They can be really great for both patient and family. Please know that we are thinking of you and saying lots of prayers for you and your mom.

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Have You also Thought about a second opinion, TO make sure there is no other options? I Will say a prayer for you tonite under the stars. It really works for me. this site is full of info and inspiration brrought by many wonderful people who would love to help. Welcome and hope we can help you in some way.

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Oh Martha, I am SOOO sorry you are going thru this. I was very close with my mom also and had a 2 year old at home when she died. My daughter kept me going. I also woke up everyday and said "today I will make my mom proud" I still do 10 yrs later. Praying for you and your family.

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Martha, sorry your mother is in such bad shape. Are there any plans to do more for her? You need a good friend you can talk your feelings out with. This board is a good place, but you also need a one-on-one person you can trust and rely on. We all need to ask for help and get it during these times. Don

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Hi Martha,

Nothing can really make this any easier I dont think. All you can do is be there for your Mom and keep her as comfortable as possible. Its hard when you have kids also but it also forces you to keep going no matter what. Hoping for peace for you and your family...stay strong...Janet

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I highly recommend the books, "Final Gifts" (I don't recall the author) and "Motherless Daughters," by Hope Edelman. The first book is about how to respond and help a loved one who is nearing death. The second book is geared more for women who lose their mothers at an early age, but it's a great read for women of any age.

Definitely find out what Hospice has to offer. They help the family as well as the patient.

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a very hard road to walk, but I know it means so much to your Mama to have you by her side.

I agree--hospice can be a great help.

But I also want to say even if you don't feel like you can hold it together and do this, you CAN and you WILL. It's just something that you do because you have to, you know? There will be times when you'll stumble, and times when it feels like you can't go on, but you will... and those two little ones of yours will be one of the reasons you do.

We'll support you in any way we can.

Val

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