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Aunts went over and had a "talk" with my grandfath


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As i posted yesterday i was going over to my parents with my sisters to have dinner. Well my aunts went over to my grandfathers first to have talk with him since he felt no one was telling him anything. They sat him down basically and told him my dad was "terminal" and that he would die in a few months??? Ummmm, my granfather has depression....like he was in a psych ward for a month or so getting electro shock treatment kind of depression after my Nana died. Then on top of this, she tried to tell me repeating it's terminal, it terminal. Saying tunors are popping up all over the place. I said, oh they did a bone scan. No they just are. his other leg is bothering him now. my sister Kim was in shock!! I think she will be joining this board today because i told her she needs to not listen to such negativity.

My aunt who has only been here for a week and is leaving today said, i have seen him go down hill in a week. Umm he JUST started losing his hair and he had his 2nd chemo treatment while you were here. Ahhhh what to do. I mean she has been awesome to my mom and dad never letting on the negitive thoughts to them. But Jeez louise she frighten people... My poor grandfather, not sure HOW to talk to him to tell him NOT to think too badly.

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Karm,

That sucks.. no negativity allowed.. I'm sorry they just are full of fear.. and want the best but ... Here we all know that hope is essential.. what do we have but hope?? You have to have hope and cling to the positive while they are in treatment! My Mom's Cancer Clinic ONCOLOGIST :shock: told us 'twice that the cancer was spreading to the brain, liver .. Yaadadadadad yaadda yadda.. we thought she was going to have like two weeks left or at best two months left... until surprise surprise.. they were wrong!! My Boss was also all doom and gloom.. his mother died of cancer not lung.. but cancer.. he was like "prepare yourself" I'm like what the hell does that mean??? Anyway.. Now look... we are in remission "raspberry" ... hehehehe :lol::lol::lol: Does your Grandfather have a computer???? Get him on.. :lol: We need him..!! Grandfathers loved and wanted!!!!!!!!

Hang in there!

Laurie :D

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Some people get such a misguided idea that "reality" and "hard facts" is being more hopeful than giving the truth of the matter.

Hope is hope. There is no such thing as false hope. Well - Actually I believe there is...it's believing in 'mortal - imperfect' man. Doctor's are imperfect, medical science isn't an exact "art" - it's a science with hypothesis's and speculation.

There is always hope. No one knows how many days your father has...and your aunt is trying to "control" what she is fearing...not knowing.

I'ld like to slap people like that up along side the head and ask "When did you take God's place!" :x Really makes me mad when gloom and doom people just have to spread their misery!

Tell grandpa....auntie's wrong....Tell him not to listen to anything but positive. If your aunt is right....you can worry and grieve LATER...but she's probably very much WRONG because she's confusing the effects of the treatment with the effects of the cancer!

Love and hugs,

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Shannon I agree with you - I think she is confusing the side effects of treatment, etc. with the effects of the cancer. How could she really do otherwise - she's only been here for a WEEK! :x

Perhaps if Grandpa doesn't have a computer you could print some of the posts so he can read some of the stories of hope and inspiration!

Hoping and praying for a safe trip home for your aunt and QUICKLY! I'm sure she means well, but no room for negatives right now! We welcome your sister, too.

Terrie

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That is what I was saying cause his right leg was bothering him (the met. Was in the left leg) and it started a day AFTER chemo. So I said I read auntie that Taxol is associated with aches and bone pain too so do not rule that out. She is like shaking her head repeating it is terminal. It is terminal. I said hey I am gonna wait for the bone scans. She also said, he is talking all funny so I think it is going to his brain. UMMMMMM, he a.) Just woke up from a nap, B.) Had liquid morphine giving to him on top of the OC’s and percocets and sitting with an IV all day…. is he suppose to sound anything but groggy???? Yeah I forgot he should be solving theorems and crap.

As far as my grandfather, I wish I could get him online. But no he would not know the first thing about computers. I am not sure what we could do. I honestly can NOT believe they had a pow wow with this man to “prepare” him. I think honestly IF I wrote a note they would be sooooo mad at me for giving him “false hope” They made and appointment with his psychiatrist for him. I should find out her damn number!!

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Karma, all that negativity is just blah, blah, blah! I was in a support group for a while and one guy was always so negative, I had to leave and find another group. I look forward to Kim joining us. I think that is a good move. HOPE - Hold Onta Peace Eternally! Don

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Karma..

My husband had his bone scans prior to treatment and they were negative....after his first treatment with Taxol, he was having pain in his leg...shooting pain ....so I am assuming it's the Taxol. Taxol is associated with Bone and Joint pain....

NEVER EVER give up hope..you have the right attitude. I had to stop talking to my mother-in-law because she had the same negative attitude as your Aunts..

Keep the faith and God bless...

Kathy

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Dear Karma,

Hold on to your own hope and keep being positive. Having your sister joins us would be great, for her sake and ours! Forgive your dear auntie her fear and misguided admonitions and look forward. I remember obsessing on the statistics myself and still have to give myself a good swift kick in the rear once in a while. I'm lucky to have my husband, the eternal optimist there at times like those. I'm praying that you and your family receive the support needed to weather these tough times.

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"Yeah I forgot he should be solving theorems and crap."

LOL! Karma - I just love your sarcasm!!!

P.S. When you're going thru chemo your mind is kinda mushy period! Theorems? I'd be lucky if I could do full muliplication tables right now!

SandyS

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Hey Karma;

I agree with Laurie; that sucks!!!!, no negativity!!!!!!; Get Grandpa on the web!

Where did get that banana???; it's GREAT !!!

God bless you and your family - be well

Bobmc - NSCLC - stage IIB - left pneumonectomy - 5/2/01

"absolutely insist on enjoying life today"

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Karma,

kick - out "Auntie" and refuse to let her back in until she changes her attitude !! People with Cancer know what they're up against, they know the "odds", and what can go wrong....what they NEED to know is--what all can go right! The hope and the successes and the survivors and the uplifting stories....Don't let your aunt drown your hopes, print off some posts from here and cheer everyone up!

sending prayers,

hugs :D

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Boo on the people who think we should crawl in a corner and wait for death to come, because IT WILL COME TO EVERYONE!!!!

They are afraid and very sad, so use your wisdom and explain to them that you are either living or dead. Not dying. Bernie Siegel said that, I think.

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Karma,

Thanks a "bunch" for the banana laugh! These laughs are sooo important and precious as a counterbalance to the tears, fears, and anger inherent with cancer. I love your animations, jokes, and positivism that you manage to interweave into your messages. Praying for dad!

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Hey Karma,

I just love your positive attitude. Your sense of humor will help you get through all of this.

Years ago when my parents had LC there were family members who thought that the only way to deal with this was to be truthful. Amazingly their "truthfulness" was all so negative. Meaning....prepare for their deaths. I have a large family so the emotions were all over the place.

Looking back I realize that a positive attitude was so much healthier to have. These same "truthful" people are still acting out with my cancer. I choose to ignore them. Send your aunt back where she came from and let her take a good portion of her negative feelings with her.

My prayers and thoughts are with you, your dad, and the rest of your family. Hope you are enjoying a nice weekend.

Teet

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Guest DaveG

Karm:

I have more people ask me if I have made out a Will, and I said, "Sure I did, 10 years ago", which was well before my cancer and I did so just for legality purposes, in case I was to get "smucked" in a car accident, or something like that. I have looked at it since, and there is no reason to update it.

The 4 most upbeat people were my wife, my 2 two kids, and my sister. My sister is upbeat because she is a 16 year Stage III breast cancer survivor. My wife never let the negative stuff enter her mind, and my 2 kids, say I'm too ornery to die. :D:D

I have had others, who knew so and so who had lung cancer and only lasted 2 months after their diagnosis. Gee, that's too bad. I have the same chance of living out the next year as anyone else has, keeping in mind the odds of being in a fatal car wreck, plane crash, train wreck, or a million other horrid things that could happen to anyone, if they wish to dwell on the negative stuff. On the other hand, as I say to these others, I have just as much chance of living until I am 90. Damn people, why do they have to talk about all the negative shi_. Life is life, we all have the same odds.

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Karma,

I admire your courage and persistence. My cousin is a nurse, and early on I remember him telling me to just "try to accept it". I looked at him with a dead cold stare. I am 25, and my dad died in 1989 in a car accident. This clown was telling me to accept not having any parents for the rest of my life. Try telling that to my 17 year-old sister, a-hole. I remember him saying, "Don't torture yourself, Marlon." If I hadn't "tortured" myself, my mom would have never made it. Nowadays, everybody especially my mom, listens to me. You are a wonderful advocate Karma, and it shows in your number of total posts.

Its so easy for people to give advice when they don't live in your reality. He still has both his parents, and nothing really tragic has ever happened to them. Everyone in my family(many of whom are medical professionals) believed my mom was "terminal" except for me. Sure there were some scary moments I could have done without, but once you start seeing positive results, you intensify your efforts, and thus healing can truly begin. Don't listen to any of those clowns Karma and keep up the good fight ok. Remember, miracles can happen, but you still have to row to shore. Sometimes you have to pray and also be the answer to your own prayers.

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