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OK, I need a huge block of cheese

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to go with my whine!!!

Mom got moved to rehab today and the setting is pretty much like a nursing home. She has a roommate who was whispering about her the whole time I was there, I guess because she has a cut across the top of her head from ear to ear. We met with the case worker who said she is approved for a week in rehab and then they will reassess if she needs longer. Mom is totally out of it. She sleeps constantly now.

Things I know-she just had brain surgery and all of the hospital stay was filled with tests and nonrestful sleep. I expected her to be tired, but not out of it. The hospital switched her from her normal morphine meds and put her on oxycodone and percocet. Why? When we asked the rehab about it, they said oxycodone is the same as morphine, is it?

Rehab/Mom is starting therapy tomorrow. We can eat with mom at Bfast lunch and dinner if we want.

Today, mom got hurt while being transported from the wheelchair to bathroom by one of the workers, and she was asking for pain meds to which they told her no the whole time I was there.

Her neurosurgeon told us she would have no memory or cognitive impairment from the surgery. Is it too soon after surgery to tell if she is going to snap out of it and wake up?

I am scared like the dickens...

Now that SF's sisiter is here from Missouri, things are even more stressful. Her sister is of the Baptist faith and she is one great prayer sayer. I was looking so forward to her coming because I thought SF would chill out and he has with her, but every time I open my mouth about anything, he looks at her and rolls his eyes. So, today I asked him if it bothered him when I asked questions bc he rolls his eyes every time I say anything. They both were like "ohhh, no".

I had a talk with SF's sister. I asked her if she thought things would be the same when mom got home. She said I hope not. She said that she could not believe how SF and my brother were living and did not realize mom was completely immobile. I told her mom was asking for help to come and SF said no. She said there are plenty of able bodies in your family and I then mentioned how SF treats everyone. For example, when my aunt called one morning saying she was going to be an hour late doing some cleaning before the Christmas party at mom's, SF said "whatever" and hung up. Mom cried about that one for days. She pretty much said "that is my baby brother and he does not wrong in my eyes". I said no one has to be wrong or right, but how can we influence the situation to be better and she said she didn't know.

I am worried sick about this. I guess I thought SF would see her so out of it and frail and wake up and smell the coffee, but he hasn't and he is still acting out. He called me the day after her surgery from the hospital and said "your mother must befeeling better bc she told me to get out of her room" in his sarchastic tone. I just said she is entitled.

I am trying to not sweat the small stuff here, but things will be the same at their house if someone does not intervene.

This will also sound weird, but I am totally out of the loop now with SF and my brother. All week, they have been leaving the hospital to eat and do this and that and I was not invited. You would think I would not care, but this has always been one of my fears and I even wrote a letter to SF in the beginning of mom's diagnosis. I talked to my brother about it and he was very sweet and just held me. He said he lets things go in one ear and out the other with his dad.

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No advice, sorry. Just many, many loving hugs to help you feel better. I just don't know how you do it all, Lori. Then you have your MIL at YOUR house. Oh MY!

Just no words are coming to be of any help to you, and I feel frustrated about that. Please know that I am thinking about you and praying as well. Hope Mom perks up some....that would do wonders for your psyche, I know.



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What a mess--I feel for you, I really do. Find someone there to ask questions--grab a head nurse and tell her your concerns for your mom coming home. Ask if there is a social worker or discharge planner that can make sure your mom is taken care of. You need someone that will step in and help advocate for your mom. Good luck and let us know what happens.

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I am brining you the largest block of cheese I can get my hands on...I just don't know what to say except you are such a wonderful daughter, Lori and it is so apparent the love and concern you have for your mom.

I agree with Ry...PLEASE take her advice.

Something eles...perhaps someone other than you can get through to your SF? Someone like a social worker that would speak directly to him? Just a suggestion

Hugs to you, Lori


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I agree about the social worker. I hate to say it but in your mom's condition you step father's behavior could be considered crueltry. A social worker may point that out to him. Maybe he needs a little scare.

You are doing all that you can but you can not continue to help her fight the monster inside of her and the one who lives with her. Get some help you and your mom both deserve it.

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I know you are going through hell right now and this is tearing you apart. You do need to solicit some help from either the nurse at doc's office, social worker or maybe the doctor. It has gotten to where everyone is fighting against you, this is not right. You are going to stress out so much and make yourself sick. You have a family too.

Your SF seems to not have any compassion for others. He is not getting anything accomplished for your mom and seems to resent your advocacy for your mom. He sounds very hostile and angry. Please ask for help from your mom's doc's and healthcare provider's. You CAN'T do this alone. I wish I could have helped you more today. I can only offer suggestions and let you know I am here to offer you support. You are a good and caring daughter and trying to do the best for mom. I admire your determination and effort. You go girl!!!

As far as Morphine and Oxycontin being the same, I am not an expert, but I don't think it is the same.

Maybe Theresa, CindyRN or DonnaG can clarify that for you. They are all nurses, or call a pain mgt doctor's office or ER and ask them. You don't have to give your name, just inquiring. I believe Morphine labors your breathing and makes you sleep. I am not a professional in the med field, please check with the pro's..

Just know that you are in my prayer's and I'm here to support you.

Your mom is going to need more than a week for rehab.

God Bless and hugs,


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Not much more I can say, except I would like to

get my hands on SF only for a few minutes and

put him in a situation where he would be begging

for help that is not there for him........

You are doing so much and facing adversity each

side you turn, except from the medical field.

Prayers for you and your mother.



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I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this ***hole with everything else on your plate. After i read your post, I read 1 or 2 replys then went to reply myself so if this has already been mentioned o apologize.

In Texas we have Child Protective Service and adult Protecive Services. This people can help you, this is no place for your Mom to have to cme home too. A elderly adult especially a sick one gets the same services as a child being in abusive home or something. Mental abuse is very real. We also have a Department on Aging. These are all thru the Human Resource Department at the state level.

Are her doctors aware of the situation she faces when she returns home? If not, they need to be as they can be of help.

I would like to just wring your sf's neck....he does not deserve your Mom. Be strong girl, and dont let your guard down around him. PLease keeep us updated on your mom, and I pray that the rehab is just what she needs to get her going.



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