My Story part 2

[gail]

I never finished my story, because I had to leave for my celebration facial.

It is now 4 years and 8 months since my lung cancer diagnosis. This is the longest span of time without a cancer dianosis since this merry go round began in 1993. And I am grateful.

I returned to my classroom in September 2001, on very shaky legs. I knew that no one had it worse then me. I had been in therapy since June, and was finally able to sit in her office and not cry the entire time. I was still on Paxil and Buspar.

Not a week later, was 9/11. I, like everyone, watched those planes over and over again, and I realized how very lucky I was.

I have learned, according to my therapist, to "compartmentalize". I will only allow my brain to take in so much. I have learned it is okay to say no, to say "I don't want to", or "I don't agree with that". And the world still rotates.

It doesn't always work. I still have trauma and meltdowns, but I work to get out of them. I have learned to use my resources wisely.

I choose where I want to put my "emotional energy". This year my brain started a "stupid pile". When I began obsessing one day over some stupid edict at work, I told myself I would do it, and "put it in the stupid pile"

I saw that beautiful blond hair blue eyed boy graduate from high school. We took him to college. He still makes us crazy, but it's not the end of the world.

I turn 50 in 2 months. Wow