mamasbabygirl Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Mom is feeling overly discouraged bc there has been nothing done to help her since coming to rehab. I asked a nurse to come explain to her what the plan is bc she was feeling down and was incoherent really until today. The nurse said OK, but never came to her room. She claims they walk by her room every 3-4 hours and ask if she needs anything. Tom (SF) and his sister act like she's already gone. SF's sister said she is not capable of making decisions (like she asked SF to bring her nail polish to rehab and he acted like she was nuts for asking) and I told his sister that if she can't make decisions, then there is no reason for her to strive to get better. She simply would not want to live that way anyhow. That is the whole struggle between her and SF-control. I was talking to mom on my cell phone while driving home from dinner tonight (it was MIL's 72nd bday get together) and she was crying about wanting to go home, so John and I snuck up on her. We smuggled my 5 year old Graden into rehab with us to all kiss her goodnight. Surprised the crap out of her. I think I may go kiss her every night. It was nice. SF pulled me in the hall today and told me not to bring any food to mm bc she is a strict 1800 calorie diet and that I needed to encourge her to move bc he cannot take care of her if she was released like this. The realizations are sad but true. Mom's neighbor who is 42 with 4 kids at home died yesterday. Mom and her went to the same oncologist and SF has not told mom. I am afraid to tell mom. She was out walking a month or so ago. She looked so good. Well, that is the daily report. Mom seems more alert today, not so tired, but very sad. She said that she can't wait for Tom's sister to leave. I pray to God to show me the best way to manage the situation and that I can turn over the things beyond my control. GOD-My times are in your hand!!!! Peace and love to us all. Good night... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Dear Lori, I hope today brings more sunshine into your life. I am glad to hear that Mom is a little more coherant, that is a good thing. I love the fact that you surprised her with a goodnight kiss, what a wonderful daughter, I am sure you made her day. You are in my prayers. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 What a wonderfuly surprise for your Mom! My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, My prayers will certainly be sent to you and your mom. You are obviously a wonderful daughter! God never gives us more than we can handle. Why aren't the nurses explaining anything to your mom? Maybe your mom will feel better when they explain the purpose of the rehab to her. My thoughts are with you.. love, jorja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, Sounds as if your mother is coherent specially if she said that she can't wait for Tom's sister to leave. That is constructive for her well being, How can you be happy with some sour puss around you. The sneaking in for a good night kiss must have been the light of her day. You are such a good daughter. You could ask at the main desk for details on the program for the rehab, they will have to answer you, a passing nurse can't always remember what is the program for each patient. Good luck and more prayers going for you and your mother. Love Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 It doesn't sound like there is much rehab going on in the rehab. I mean isn't the purpose of rehab to have goals to work on to get the person's skills back? I think you need to call her doctor and ask him what she's supposed to be accomplishing there--or ask to see her plan. The one person I know that had to go into a rehab center had a clear plan on what they'd be doing with her prior to her entering. Do you have an idea what you'll do if she can't go back to live with the step father? It sounds like he is ready to give up his care giving role (which may be a good thing for your mom). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted January 16, 2006 Author Share Posted January 16, 2006 Ry, The case manager mentioned there are other options, like adult day care and stuff. I was thinking no way. It makes me mad that the neurosurgeon KNEW and told us that she would be worse off for 2-3 months and then and only then make improvements. I thought she would be in rehab until she could walk. If she is walking in 5 days, then there really are miracles at rehab. Seems like such a long off goal. So, no we don't have a plan in place and once SIL leaves today, I will be asking SF his thoughts. I also plan on talking with the workers there today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, for all that you do, frank and rich are drinking the bud lites for you! Don't know how you manage to stay sane. Whatever you are doing keep it up, because it is working. love, Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, you're such a wonderful daughter! I hope you always know and remember that! I know it will be hard for your mom to learn of her friend's passing. I'm praying that your mom will become more content in rehab. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori: Talking to your stepfather aftr your sil leaves seems to be a good next step. I hope your mom surprises evryone and walks in days, not months. From what you have said, her cognitive abilities seem intact. You and your mom have my prayers. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Please ask EXACTLY what they are doing for her each day. She needs to be moved, stood up if she is able to bear weight, etc. Otherwise her muscles are going to atrophy and she is susceptible to skin breakdown and bedsores. What were the other options? I am thinking she would almost do better in a nursing facility that would work with her. Let us know--this really is bugging me. Your mom is young and needs a little more aggressiveness on their part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MurielK Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 This is bugging me, too. Who is paying the rehab. facility? Medicare, Medicaid, private insurance? I think all of those require pre-assessment, goals, and a treatment plan. Sounds like your mother isn't getting any of that - especially treatment. Just out of curiosity, where are you (what part of the country)? Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Hi Lori, I know you are trying to have respect and listen to your SF. Otherwise you wouldn't be going to him for ideas or suggestions on how to help your mom. I too, like Ry and Muriel are concerened for you mom. You do need a rehab plan and goals for her to achieve. I would almost just give up on your SF. He doesn't seem to really have any initiative to try and help with you mom. If your mom is coherant, ask her about signing paperwork for you, so that you have the capabilities to decide on her medical care. Unless you feel comfortable having SF making all the decisions. I wish I would have gotten one for my father when he was able to sign. We just never know, we assume all is well and for the best. I kick myself for being so naive. Talk to her doctor, insurance, social worker or someone. Sounds like it is working as far as the weaning off of the pain meds, she is more alert. It will take time for her to get back to her old self. In the meantime, ASK,ASK QUESTIONS. Don't think you are bugging anyone, this is your mom's life, she will appreciate your persistance... Please keep us posted. God Bless, prayers and hugs, Karen MURIEL, She is in Kentucky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darci Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, I am hoping that you can get some answers regarding your mom's care. I don't know how you do it - you are so strong, and such a terrific daughter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, What an amazing story, sneaking in for a goodnight kiss like that! It really is the small things that make all the difference. Also, so good that you recognize that some things are just out of our contol. You do such a beautiful job of taking care of your mom. I'll add my prayers to yours for the wwisdom to know what to do next. Though, from here, it sounds like you are doing a great job! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Sheese, Lori..this rehab deal sounds *not so ok*...do speak with the doc and get to the bottom of this! Be persistent! Please know I am saying prayers that things get better and I love it that you snuck in for a goodnight kiss...one terrific daughter, you are Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Lori, What a sweet thing to do for your Mom. I'm sure it is a huge relief that your stepdads sister is gone. Hopefully you'll be able to talk to him now and come up with a plan that will give your Mom what she needs most....hope! You're doing a great job Lori. Just hang in there and I'll pray that each day will be a little better than the last. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miami Janet Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Hi Lori, Thinking of you tonight and hoping things move along faster for Mom. As a therapist I have to say the therapists are the ones who woiuld probably give you the best info on your Mom...stop by the therapy department and just ask them...Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Oh Lori -- This has to all get better (the SF infighting, etc.) AS far as rehab goes, I echo everyone else -- demand that you are given a game plan. We had a physical therapist that came to our house 4X a week and she was wonderful....and had a full plan on paper including things we could do to help (exercises, etc.) The smallest amount of progress gave my mom great encouragment and motivation -- I am sure it will do the same for your's. I pray your mom is up and moving about in no time -- that will show everyone. You are so strong, you are a truly a hero in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 OK guys, here's the deal. Mom told me to open up the phonebook tonight and try finding a new rehab. Their private insurance is paying for this place. I am not impressed either. Tonight, she has to go potty (she still has a catheter, so it was #2) and it takes them like 20 minutes to get 2 people to help. They left her there with me, so after about 1/2 hour, I started cleaning her up afrer mom was complaining about how bad she was sore down there. So, don't you know that she is sooooooo red, almost purple. I had a nurse clean her and add ointment. My mom tells me that is the best they have cleanind her since being there. Do you have to watch over everything bc this place is understaffed, act surprised when you ask about things, and ignore us. I am going to start looking around at something else. I did not think things Would be like this and mom did not either. She cannot do anything for herself. I feel the need to quit my job, but I carry the family's insurance, so I can't. I have been at Fidelity for 5 years and they are a great company. I am being pulled in every direction. HELP ME-which way is up? Just kidding! I AM LOVED... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Lori, I am glad you're going to move her. I hope you find a good place soon. She should not have to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 No words--just prayers fro your mom and you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Hi Lori, I am glad your thinking about moving your mom to another rehab. She should not have to go through this neglect from that place. There is a shortage of nurses and caregivers nation wide, but no one deserves sub standard care. Look at your mom's insurance plan or call the insurance directly and tell them the care where she is, is horrible. Does she have HMO? Here in California we have a mgmt. company that chooses our group doctors. If they have substandard care or treatment the INSURANCE company will issue an authorization to my PCP for me to go out of Network. All I or anyone else would have to do is call the insurance company and request care some place else. The middle man doesn't want you to complain, just keep on getting bad service and treatment. This is their bread and butter and your trying to cut them off for bad care. I'm getting off my soap box. Sorry!!! God Bless, prayers and hugs, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Sounds like your poor mother got put into an awful facility. Before you move her, you or someone else needs to check it out, ask questions about they're staffing, rehab plans, etc. This way you won't have to move her a 2nd time. You've sure been put through the ringer. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 In our state, there is a board that directs nursing homes. They are "graded" thoroughly and completely every year. They are marked as far as their inadequacies are concerned. Try look into what you can find out about that in your state. Then, there is no guessing. Cindi o'h ps...you surely are loved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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