janetg Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 It has been little more than 3 weeks since I lost Ron and the grief I feel consumes me and and my sense of loss overwhelms me. I do have moments when I think of all of the wonderful times we had together and that does bring a smile to my face even if only for a few brief moments. My rational being tells me that those times will be what I remember most someday and the memories of our struggles will begin to fade. I am beginning to function with some degree of normalcy with the demands of work and life's other demands and for that I'm proud. You have passed on to me the strength that you possessed during your journey. Ron and I got together later than many. We came out of unsuccessful marriages and early on found a passion that I'd never known. That bond gave us so much happiness over such a short time. Even if I had known what was ahead I would not have done things differently. You were definitely my soulmate. I had made a promise to Ron 10 years ago that I was in this for the long term. With the difference in our age (8 years) I felt that I would most likely be the one in this relationship who would be in the caregiver's position as we grew older. Even at that we both were afraid of committment after having gone through failed marriages. I spent several years convincing Ron that he would not fear my leaving him. Because of his ties to the muscial genre the words to many songs conveyed my feeling toward him and my goals for our relationship. At times he wondered if I would truly stick to my word. The most appropriate song to show Ron that he was "The One" was Taylor Dayne's Upon The Journey's End. I was able to convince him that I would be true to him and would support him for the rest of our lives. I really didn't factor in the fact I would lose him at the early age of 55. I didn't foresee being only 47 when I had to face that loss. However, as I read the lyrics of Upon the Journey's End at 1:30 in the morning, I realize that they mean even more now than they did some 10 years ago. Ron, I know that you're watching over all of us here who grieve so and I want you to know how proud I am to have had you in my life and thank God for allowing us such wonderful times. I ask that you continue to watch carefully over your mom as she grieves such a tremendous loss. I ask that you continue to watch carefully over all of the supporters of this wonderful site and send blessings for healing and control of this dreaded disease. May the strength that you possessed make its way into all who have entered or are yet to enter into this journey. I thank God for leading me to this site and thank this site with all my heart for allowing me to put on to paper what I'm feeling right now. I needed to babble and on occasion when I would babble you would make me laugh as you described me as a babbling brook. It was only meant in fun and your ability to makes things fun was second to none. I love you and miss you with all of my heart, I will see you soon. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Dear Janet, how beautifully expressed. How wonderful you had such a great relationship and love with Ron, so many people do not. As I have said so often, it does get easier, not easy but easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 you're incredible, janet. I prayed with you for Ron's mother, and for you. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 That was a beautiful tribute to your love for each other, thank you for letting us be a part of it. I know so well all of what you feel and write. I'll be keeping your mother-in-law in my prayers as well as yourself. Much love and comfort to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Janet, my heart really reaches out to you right now. I know the pain and emptiness you are feeling, as do many others on this board. Your expression of love for Ron is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I can assure you that someday, the horrible memories of Ron's illness will leave you and only the most beautiful and touching memories will remain. I see that music has always been a very special part of your life with Ron. That will also continue. I can't begin to tell you how many times I will be thinking of Dennis and hear a song on the radio that is so right for the moment. It's almost like a sign that Dennis is there with me....singing along with the words. I will continue to remember you and Ron's mom in my prayers. I know the pain of losing a husband but just cannot begin to understand or know the pain associated with losing a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hi Janet That was beautiful. You are lucky that you had him in your life even if just for a short time. You made so many wonderful memories together. Ron will live on through you and all his love ones. He will watch over you and his family and friends. One day when you meet again, it will be a glorious reunion. Thank you for sharing that. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 (((Janet)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 What a beautiful tribute to your love for Ron. I sat here reading it and I can so relate to you. I too had only a short while with my love Johnny, only 5 months that we were actually together. Like you even had I known I would never have traded that time. For us it was a second chance it is a time I will always treasure. I know so well it is not the amount of time that you had together but the depth of the love that you shared. I can feel your pain and will tell you as the others have it will get easier. As Ginny said easier not easy. Music is wonderfull and so many songs can relate to our love. I pray that soon you will find more of the happy times to remember and the pain of the last days will ease some. Just remember parting is only temporary. Someday you will be together again. Lillian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Janet, that was very beautiful. I can relate to your relationship with Ron. Mike and I were from previous failed marriages and I also feel it was special. God bless you, Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Janet, Thank you for sharing this very special part of your life. You and your family are in my prayers. Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Janet, My heart aches for you. I know your pain. Hang in there - I'm hanging with you. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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