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"Get Over It Already"


Treebywater

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Hi Val

I think I have an idea how you are feeling. It has been five months since Mum died and I ache for her every single day. I presume one day this will start to ease, but I am certainly not there yet. I wish time would stop as I don't want to be someone whose Mum died one year, two year, five years ago. Hard to explain why but the passage of time makes me so sad.

Love

Jana

xxx

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Val,

Get over it? How? If you find an answer to that, please share it with all of us. If anyone has an answer to that, please share.

I don't think we ever get over it. Losing those we love is not something we would wish on anyone.

But time has a funny way of getting in the way of our grief. In time, we learn to live a new normal. In time we are able to think of those we love and not cry a river. In time the pain softens, but it never really ever goes away. We just learn to live a new normal.

I am so sorry you are hurting. Know you are not alone on this journey. There are many here with you. We may not all be at the same place in the journey but we do understand. And unfortunately, that comes with losing those we love. It is a common bond we have. We miss them terribly, but we do keep on going.

Much love and warm gentle hugs.

Shirleyb

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Val,

Once again, I understand what you're writing about. The pain we've endured, the loss we've survived is not just something we can just "get over".

We can re-build, move on, develop coping mechanisms and appreciate the good things again, but the loss of loved ones is felt forever.

You don't need remedial grieving classes at all, Val. What you feel is normal and when you're ready to take the next step in grieving - you'll be ready. As someone has already said, there is no timetable to grieving.

Your Mom must be so proud of her loving and caring daughter.

Kel

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Hi Val,

Its been 3 months for me and just today in front of a complete stranger I started to cry(very Embarassing) Im nowhere near feeling better...if anything It hits me harder now then before. I think our Moms were so special that we will mourn them always. My Mom was my best friend, staunchest supporter and biggest fan in addition to being my Mom. Thats a lot to get over. I pray tat all of us in this same condition can go on with our lives and make Mom proud...Janet

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Val,

Plese don't be so hard on yourself. Grieving is so different for everyone. I heard or read somewhere the average time is two yrs. What ever the heck average is. My dad has been gone for six yrs. and sometimes is seems like yesterday to me. I can't belive he's been gone so long. Please take one

day at a time. That's all you can do.

Good luck and take care.

Love,

Mare

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This TIme 7 days ago I was drinking a beer and writing my wife debs obituary at my parents kitchen counter. I am the newest member of the grieving group I think. 3 am Monday phone rings. Screaming and cussing ensues. then the physical for me. Still need to pick up lawn furniture off back yard. Lots to do but lots of time to do it. Everyone is diffrent in the way that they handle grief. do what you want when you want. had meltdowns as I call them everywhere, even while driving down the road. Everybody wants to take me everywhere I need to go. I can't afford a chaffeur though. Do what you have to do and be who you want to be in this process. Much love and prayers for you and yours

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Dear--you will never "get over" your mother's death, as none of us who post here will get over losing those we have loved and lost. My wonderful sister, who was my substitute mother and best friend, left this planet almost one year ago, and I still can't believe that I can't pick up the phone and share silly and serious things with her, that I can't talk about with anyone else. I am functioning, yes, but feel as if I am going through life with gauze over me. I will continue to live, but it will never be the same, something will be missing. The only "getting over it" that I have experienced recently is that I can now get out of bed a little easier in the morning, and don't scream out spontaneously as much as I did a few months ago. I used to work as a social worker, and I still receive literature for continuing education classes--I recently received one called "Grief Lite"--a seminar that is supposed to help people move through their "grief stages" faster, I guess, supposedly so that they can get back to doing what this world seems to think is more important, like working long hours and making lots of money---how appalling! Life is about having people love you, and loving them back, and missing them so much when they are gone. You are normal....you are human.

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Val,

Please don't be so hard on your self! I lost my Father to LC on 11/18/05 he was one of the BEST not only was he my Father but my best friend. The way I feel about it is you get over a cold not losing a loved one. you learn to live with it! What other choice is there.

You are in my prays

Michele

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  • 2 weeks later...

Val, as someone who's just lost their mother, too, I think that it's really really hard for a daughter - especially someone as young as you - and especially with a new baby - to lose their mother. you need your mother right now in your life. the void is going to be bigger for you than for alot of people. it's different. mothers and daughters - especially mothers who's daughter just made them a grandmother - is a relationship different than anything else in the world.

I'm 47. I have a four year old. My mom and my four year old had a special thing. and now Mom's not here anymore. You're 20-something I guess, and you have a little baby. I'm feeling the loss of my mom in ways I could have never imagined coming. I will say that just about all the feelings of loss that I prepared for with Dave dying happened - I had grief preparation in advance with my shrink - and I was ready. Seriously. but no one or nothing could have prepared me for this.

and trust me, when my mother lost her mother - she was 66, grandma was 94 - my mom had the same aching longing to have her back. at that age, too.

hang in there. it WILL get better, I just know it, just don't press yourself to "get over it" because that will happen in a subtle fashion.

Karen

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I read different sources about the grieving period and psychologists agree that it lasts about 2 to 3 years (it varies from person to person). You don't need to worry for a 6 month period, it's normal. I loss my mom a year ago and I sometimes feel very depressed...

Remember, it takes time to heal...

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