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I am back to rant From Rsw1124 About my sweet DEBBIE


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I hope everyone reads this. You don't have torespond unless you want but do read on. Debbie Wallin left this earth 21 hours ago. I will share some of my new insights on life from these last 21 hours. Sunday at 9 PM I walked out of my wifes Hospital Room. I said good night, sleep well, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, and I will see you tomorrow. I left her there in the loving care of the most compassionate people I have ever met. At 245 am Monday she was given a breathing treatment and Vitals were checked as part of the nightly rounds. Her breathing had become very guttural sounding and the treatment helped her. At 250 am she finished this treatment and got up from her bed and got into her recliner. When the nurses left they could hear her breathing fromm her door. At 300 Am they did not hear breeathing and realized that all her functions had stopped and with 5 minutes passed they knew there was nothing that they could do for her. All her Organs had been functioning normally until this point. At 305 Am On Monday Jan 23 2006 I was notified and when I saw who was on the phone I Knew when I looked at the Caller ID that this would not be good news. They told me what happened!!! I Said a lot of nasty words and these women were okay with that. They said do not apologize for anything that I said to them, they understood. I went outside under the stars and started screaming at the heavens above, throwing my patio furniture and Plant pots all over My yard. My mother, who lives nearby came to get me and take me to the hospital. My neighbors were with me outside when she came to my house. My mom is a former Air Force Capt. in the Nursing division and has dealt with death so much in her former nursing years that she became my ROCK. we wwent to the hospital and she held my hand as we walked to the room at 430 am this morning. I had gotten over the screaming and wailing by now> When I walked into the room It became evident by now that she did not fight this fight. This had all been a shock to everyone. We were supposed to start Alimta Avastin today ffor another round of fighting. I wsa told about a week ago before we saw her Onc, "I am tired and If I see the Light I am going to the light, I will wait for eveeryone and I will Be shouting Hello to everyone I meet. I hope you understad sweetie" Those were her exact words as we sat in our little house talking one night. I will never forget this day. When she saw the light at 255 this morning she ran to it and embraced it. She is singing praises to everyone as she could not speak because of this evil disease.While I was with her This morning, I told her I will always love her. She could be with all our loved ones. She will feel no more pain. I want to hear vice and I know that I will Some day. My parents have helped me plan a beautiful ceremoney, for thursday at 2 pm. Say a little prayer for us about then. But to continue with my lessons learned. I am Thanking every team, Doctor and person that I know took care of her. They never got upset with the patients or care givers, never had a bad day and never were without a smile In the Cancer Center or Or any other ward that she was on. She once told me that probably no mor ethat our families would show up for her Funeral. She did not think that anyone would be there at the end. I know she is wrong. We never had an argument because we did not have a lot. We had a modest roof over our heads, Water and electricity and groceries. We did not fight about money because we never really had money. WE HAD EACH OTHER AND WE TOLD EACH OTHER THIS EACH AND EVERY DAY. I thank the lord every morning and every night for the Blessing of a new day and a day gone by. I sat down and wrote her Eulogy at my parents kitchen counte rat 630 this morning while I was drinking a cold Ying Ling. That was pretty easy to do. Then I realized that I should maybe write a Eulogy. I have known Debbie For 10 years and her Family a lot less than i should have. IF you ever have to write A eulogy for someone here is the easisest way to do this. Think back to your childhood. That was probably very similiAR TO THEIR CHILDHOOD. Sorry, Think abouth the day that you met that person and start writng down every detail that yo can think. surround yourself with happy Phots for memories. It is a lot easier this way. I am working on 3 pages and am 1/2 way through our marriage. When you start to think of the wonderful times you had together it becomes very easy towrite. (BEEN DISCONNECTED 2 times since i started writing this) Put your thoughts into words for memories. Tell everyone that you know that you love them as often as you can. you never know when you may not get to say those words again to that person I swear to you. Pray for peaceful endings to things. Pray outside. There are no ceilings and God can her a lot better without the Clouds in the way. The stars will comfort you. they are beautiful to look at. God does not rest on sundays. He works very hard to do what he can for us. He works in strange ways, but he works 7 days a week for everyone we know. That is a blessing in that He might give you 1 more day withs someone and let you love them 1 more day at least. If you accept that Death is inevitable, run toward the light, Don't walk. You will never feel tthe pain anymore. Time will heal us here of our pain and in that we take comfort. Grieve the way we want to grieve, and know that you did everything to make that persons life a little richer and a little better for a little longer. In the last 24 hours I have los tthe thing that i love the most. I made peace with her Family becuse they have not seen her for a LONG TIME. They forgive me ands said They know that I was the best thing to happen in her life. Her doctors have told me wha t afighter she was. She is an Inspiration to Her oncologist and that because of her he is not a better doctor; but a better person. HE will be ther for her thusrday. He is the reason rthat he works seven days a week sometimes to take care of a Patient. he works almost every Holiday Because they have less than he does. Her Meds are being donated for patients who can not afford to buy them. IF YOU CAN NOT AFFORD MEDS ASK YOUR DOCTOR. HE MIGHT BE ABLETOHELP. donations are gong to the aamerican Lung assocition and american Cancer society. Flowers die and get thrown out. Do not need dead flowers too. My neighbor told m etonite ove ra cold beer, Her son has quit smoking since my wife was diagnosed. She saved 1 person and I pray that he pays it forward to 2 more people. I know this is long reading but hope it helps someone with something in their life, or recovering from a loss. i havve been writhing for I think an hour or so. I hav e to sleep it is 1230 am here. I have been up since 3 am yesterday and am exhusted but writing this helps me greive I think. Good Night And Thank You and Much love to everyone Deb and I Say. :wink:

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that was riveting, and you are such a love. I wish I had words that made sense but I don't. I believe that she saw that light. I can not thank you enough for sharing this with us, and letting us know how we can pay tribute to Deb. I hope you'll stay with us, as you're able to, and let us love you through this.



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I do believe your post is the most honest and open account of feelings after loss that I have ever read on this board. I'm sure you will deliver a beautiful, heart felt eulogy for your beautiful Deb. I am so very glad that your mother is there for you. Mothers have great big shoulders that are always available for their children to lean on. I'm also glad that you are able to gather happy memories through the photos. These happy memories of Deb will help you through some really dark and difficult times. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how empty and broken you are feeling. Please know that I am saying prayers and asking God to give you strength and the ability to find peace somewhere in this tragedy that has befallen you. I am so glad Deb is "in the light" and is joined by other angels from this board that have gone before her.

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Thank you for that. That touched my heart and brought tears.

I am sure the eulogy will be beautiful.

I am also so glad your mom was there for you and that you made amends with Deb's family as that will help you through your grief.

She is so at peace now.

Prayers sent to you and all the family members.


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thank you so much for sharing a bit of your beautiful love for Deb with us. Your words touched my heart deeply to the point where I feel pressure of an ache in my chest. I am sorry for your pain, dear. I am glad that you two had a great love to share.

Your eulogy will be wonderful. We will be here to help you through the days, weeks, months ahead.

Cindi o'h

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I remember your post about you and Deb met and how you knew right away that she was the one for you :) ! That struck a chord with me for some reason, and I just always felt you two had a very special connection.

I know that YOU know you were blessed to have Deb and a remarkable relationship together. Unfortunately that often is not enough to see us through dark times like this.

I will always remember your story. I find myself going outside to 'look up' to talk to God...like you. Your posts have enriched my life, Randy. I hope you take the time and have the fortitude to read our responses to you. You are so very special. Thank you for your presence here. We are now here for you.



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Your writing truly touched my soul.... how beautiful. The one line that struck me was simply... PRAY OUTSIDE.... There are no ceilings and God can hear you better.... what a lovely thought. I know you are hurting I am so sorry you lost your Deb. She saw the light and she took her chance and ran like heck towards it...that is what she wanted. God speed Deb... We are all praying for your peace. Love, Sharon

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  • 1 year later...

What a Long strange trip it has been!!!!!!!!! :( Tonite finds me sad but not crying sad as I sit here in the dark with 2 candles Lit Taking roses tomorrow but I miss her so much today. Putting one foot in front of the other each day.

HAd the strangest dream last nite and slept all nite THANK GOODNESS! met someone but this danged cow and all my luggage slowed me down and they said "If ya can't keep up, See ya Later!!" Did not even offer to help carry my luggage for me! YA Think this means somethin? Oh well another dream another nite!!. I know how KAtie Feels and my heart hurts for her too so...

Thank you to all my friends here who have given me so much support these last 2 years. I do not think I would be in the shape I am in with out all the Laughter and Love and Hugs and Prayers and Support that I have gotten here!!!!!

HUGS PRAYERS AND Big Blankets for Katie too! :wink:

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You also give a lot of support.

Weird but tonight was out (in the cold)

and was talking to the full mood like

I do every month and was thinking of the

times you go out in your yard and yell

at the sky........and saw your post right



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I can't quite describe what it was like to read your words of two years ago, and know that I didn't "know" you then. It made me realize that perhaps I never actually said, "I'm so sorry for your loss." I know Deb was an amazing woman, and she must be ever so proud of all you've done and continue to do in her honor.


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