Tami Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 not LC related at least not that I know of but I sure would appreciate some prayers. I'm dealing with major, all consuming depression. It feels like it's eating me alive. 2005 was a very bad year for me and 2006 hasn't started out well. Nothing seems to be the way they should be and the sadness and hopelessness just doesn't go away. Counseling is out for now for many reasons and I've tried several antidepressants that just don't work for me. I tried several when diagnosed and stayed on them for a while but got off them a year or so ago. They never made a difference anyway. But so many things keep happening and it just has taken all the joy out of life. I feel so horribly bad to even feel like this. When I was diagnosed years ago and was told stage IV inoperable go do something fun... I prayed for health. I prayed for time with my children. I would be so grateful for everyday I would never be depressed or take anything for granted again! So why do I feel this way. Why can't I just be happy to be alive? Why are so many things just eating me up inside? Why do I allow myself to become negative and sad? I'd appreciate prayer to help me out of this place that I'm in right now. Thanks... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 You have my prayers, Tami. You know, I get down, too. And there have been points where I was so low I didn't see how I was ever going to smile again. It was about that time when I decided to take matters into my own hands. (I couldn't take the antidepressants, and at that point I couldn't afford to pay a Therapist.) So here is what I did: I made it a point to pick out things that were good in my world. I didn't expect myself to appreciate it, or be happy about it, nor find any joy in it. But just to list things that were good. I made it a point to focus on those good aspects of my life. I didn't ingore the negatives (they were too big and in my face for me to be able to pretend they were not there.), but rather I made a conscious decision to set the negatives aside for a certain amount of time. And during this time I made it a type of "Mental Exercise" to concentrate on the good things in my world. Over time it became less of a conscious act to put aside the negatives and focus on the positives, and more a natural way of seeing things. You are not alone in this, Tami. Not at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Oh My Goodness Tami! How can you not be depressed! The situation you are in is enough to floor anyone. Pease don't beat yourself up about that! My heart goes out to you and I am praying for you and for your family with all my heart. Talk to the people on this board who are going through the same thing as you . I am sure they will help and you will find courage begin to fight again. My heart goes out to you and I am praying for you and for your family with all my heart. Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 No words, just prayers for you Tami things will turn around for you. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Tami, I'm certainly not a great one for advice in this category, as I am down a lot myself. Like you, I tried taking antidepressants and couldn't find one that didn't make me feel completely spaced out all the time. I can help you with the prayers. I think God has finally remembered who I am. Hope you feel better!!! If you need to talk just PM me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Keeping you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Sweetheart, many prayers coming. I have no answers or recommendation, but I want to be sure that you know how much I care. Love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Tami, Prayers going your way. When you feel the lowest possible there is only one way to go and it is up. Hope you find some thing that will make you smile at least once a day, crazy things anything but keep trying and you will find that your eyes are not looking only for the bad but also for the good around you. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Tami, I just wanted to say DON'T beat yourself up for being depressed. Sometimes, it's something we can't control. I think beating yourself up for being depressed is something akin to beating yourself up for getting a cold. You didn't cause this. The fact that you are dealing with it doesn't mean that you don't value your life... it doesn't make you ungrateful. It's just one more thing that life threw your way that you WILL fight your way through. (((((Hugs))))) to you. Praying that you will find some light and hope to cling to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Oh Tami - My heart aches for you. No not beat yourself up for being depressed -- you have every right to be depressed, to even feel sorry for yourself...yet it appears from you post that you don't want to...having gone through a major depression a few years ago, I know it can take dedication to find the right anti-depressant... you want to get to the point where you are physically CAPABLE of feeling better... I wish I has magic advice for you, I don't. But I can tell you that you will be in a lot of peoples' prayers tonight -- including mine. With Love, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 (((Tami))) My prayers and lots of hugs for you today.. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 sweetie!! I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I wish I had words that would make it all go away but I don't think they exist. I am so happy to let us in to how you're feeling, our prayers are coming. if this is unwanted advice, feel free to ignore, BUT...I was feeling incredibly depressed about 6 weeks ago. I'd had all this awful stuff happen and was just spiralling. I have a little history with psych. meds. (for anxiety) and don't do well on them either, but was about to seek help for the depression when a doctor, randomly, checked my B12. sure enough, I was seriously deficient. it wouldn't hurt to get a physical, is all I am suggesting. after everything you've been through, more doctors probably sounds like a nightmare but I felt so much better after a B12 shot and some sublingual B12 vitamins. just a thought. whatever you do, however long this lasts, no matter what, we're here. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe B Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Tami, You have my sincere prayers.. I agree with what Fay suggested. As hard as it is at times there is always a positive way of perceiving all circumstances. Not sure of your spiritual beliefs... but here is what helps get me through.... I try and count my many blessings, I try and remind myself in the words of Paul "to live is Christ and to die is gain". Meaning.... while I am in this world I devote it to Christ as a servant to Him and die of myself daily (easier said than done)....and when I die I gain the victory that has been assured me... and will forever be in paradise. But while I am here I will fight the good fight. A wise Pastor friend of mine said " It is especially important that when we are in the pit that we fight the attempts of the enemy to discourage us. When we are on the mountain top its easy to charge hell with a squirt-gun". He said people approach him and say "pastor, you're smiling you must be having a great day"...and he says "no, I am in the pit...but I keep fighting, and I keep smiling". "you see I read the whole Book and we win in the end" Remember, "He that is within us (God) is stronger than he that is in the world (the enemy)." Prayers for some joy in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hi Tami, Just wanted you to know I am sending lots of prayers and thoughts your way. I also have to deal with depression even before my lc. It too is a horrible thing to deal with. I have been off and on anti-depressants since 1989. For the last few years though have stopped fighting it and just let them keep prescribing until I feel better. The problem with alot of anti-depressants is that it takes them so long to start working. So you don't know if they are working or not I guess. Anyways, still don't know what to do about it most of the time, and have been on & am on many drugs, have been to a lot of therapists/psych counselors etc. I hate it and myself alot for being this way, even though, I know I "shouldn't. I get very angry too. I get real tired of trying to fight/deal with everything that life throws at us. I probably didn't help you much, but at least you know that you are not alone. PM me if you'd like to. Take care, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hi, Tami. We've had some offline discussions and I don't think you're "depressed" in the clinical definition. I think that right now, you feel overwhelmed because you truly ARE overwhelmed. I don't know if I'd counsel you to count your blessings right now. I KNOW you have them, but I also know that every blessing can also be part of the problem. You have wonderful kids, a blessing, but part of the stress of trying to run a healthy home environment. You have my thoughts and some positive energy. I think, though, to get out of where you are, you are going to need to make some changes in your life, not your medicine chest. Love to you, Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hi Tammy, I don't have any great advice for you. I just am so sorry you are going through such a rough spot in your life right now. However, just opening up and letting others know is such a courageous step. That is exactly what this board is for. When you are in need, it always helps to know that others are thinking and praying for you. I'm doing both of those right now. I hope you feel better soon!!!! Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tami Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Thanks to all of you! To everyone who replied or sent me a PM I appreciate your kind words and your prayers. It's nice to know that so many people take the time to care. Becky is right, I do need to change my life. At one time I had the strength, now I'm just tired and I can't seem to get back to the person I used to be. Again, thanks for the support. Please continue the good thoughts. Tami Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 ((((Tami)))) You'll find her again. You will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Tami, The changes are ones that are necessary. But maybe you aren't supposed to be who you once were. Maybe the person you need to be now is BETTER than the old Tami. I personally believe that the Tami of the future is going to be healthier in all respects: physically, emotionally, spiritually. And it will come together when you make the changes you know are needed. No one is going to tell you this will be easy. It won't. But it will be so worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 My heart goes out to you sweeheart, Prayer sent for to get you through this. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Tami,it is often very frustrating not being able to be what or how we used to be.I usually combat that by trying harder each day to find the good things to appreciate.(they are there but sometimes we have to look pretty hard for them). Hope you can find a brighter side soon.None of us deserve to be sick,in pain of any kind or depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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