stand4hope Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Hello to all my wonderful LCSC friends. Sunday, Don will have been gone 6 months. It's hard to believe, isn't it? I still can't get my arms wrapped around the idea that he is no longer a part of my life. After 38 years of marriage, it's really tough to make that adjustment. The first 5 months were pretty rocky for me, with lots of tears and up and down days. This last month I have had some unexpected busy work with my job which has kept me working about 12 hours a day. Because of that, I haven't had much time to think about how I'm doing, let alone deal with it. I did have one horrible, horrible Saturday a few weeks ago where I sunk into a deep hole of depression, which I think was brought on by being so overwhelmed with my job, the mess in the house, and the fact that Don wasn't here for me to whine to and cry on his shoulder. It was a very bad day. I literally wished I could have joined Don and not have to deal with anything ever again. I cried all day, and went to bed in the afternoon and stayed there until the next morning. That morning, I decided I wasn't going to stay in that pit and got busy and worked in my house all day until I thought I would drop. I was like a train on full throttle and nobody better get in my way. At the end of the day, I was feeling a lot better. Since Aug. 5, the day Don died, we have lost a lot of others here or their loved ones, and it has been a tough time for many. I am so sorry for all of you who have lost someone you love, and believe me, I know how much it hurts. With God's help, I will continue to face each day. Even though I have been so incredibly busy since Don died, I know the day is coming when things will slow down. I hope to be prepared for that by having other activities (more fun activities - not like this work stuff) to keep me busy and moving forward. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here, still praying for all of you, and I am hanging on. I also want to thank those of you who have stayed in touch with PMs, emails and cards. I love you all! I pray God's blessing on each and every one of you. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 I am glad you checked in and let us know how your life is going. It sure does not seem like 6 months. Hang in there and keep updating us on how you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Peggy, I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. 38 years is a long time, having never lost a spouse I can't say I know what you are going through but I imagine it's very painful. Wish I had some words of wisdom Take care, Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall54 Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Hello Dear Peggy, It was great to read a post from you and see how you are doing. You are such a strong woman yet it knocks you on you're *ss doesnt it? I think about you all the time and wonder how you are. Keep plugging away my friend. One foot in front of the other a day at a time. I love you GF! God Bless, Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Peggy, I am a year ahead of you and I still have those horrible days. I still wait for the door to open and Earl to yell, Hi Babe, I'm home. Living day to day with someone, bouncing every idea off of them, holding their hand during tough times, catching each others eyes and smiling just by chance, and so many other things - missing these are torture. But you are right, with the help of God and our families, our work, and our friends we trudge forward and we laugh and smile but mostly we remember and grieve. I know that we both really never expected this to happen. even though our sweethearts were sick for so long. I still comes as a shock with total disbelief. But knowing that they are still with us spiritually and in memories offers some peace. Let's see pictures of all the work at the house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 4, 2006 Author Share Posted February 4, 2006 Living day to day with someone, bouncing every idea off of them, holding their hand during tough times, catching each others eyes and smiling just by chance, and so many other things - missing these are torture. That's it! You nailed it, Ginny! I mean you slammed that nail into the wood with one swing with those words. That's the hardest part. Just the talking, the sharing, the winks, the eye rolls when some family member was doing their usual annoying thing (LOL) or his little kicks under the table that said, "Look" or "What did I tell you", telling him about the idiot on the road, the small talk about the birds and the dogs, the little hello, good-bye and good night kisses, and just being able to tell him I had a bad day, good day and for him to do the same. All these things become a permanent part of our days, and . . . . well, it's just hard. Let's see pictures of all the work at the house. Yes ma'am! I haven't had time to finish staining a few doors, and some painting, etc., but I'll get those pictures taken and posted, even though it isn't finished. The sunroom and deck are awesome. I put a TV in the sunroom, and Mike has been staying overnight a lot and sleeps out there. He's actually going to move back in before the end of the month and use the new bedroom. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Peggy,it is good to hear from you.It doesn't seem like 6 months already.Sorry you have those bad days but I'm glad you are staying pretty busy.Make sure you don''t do too busy too long.Can't wear yourself down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Hi Peggy, Thanks for checking in. It is always a pleasure to read your posts. ((((((PEGGY)))))) for the 6 months. I can't wait to see the pics of all the renovations that were done. Also so glad that Mike is moving home. At least you will always have company and that will certainly help you heal. Just want you to know that I am thinking about you and sending you good vibes. Maryanne PS. Maybe Don gave you a little kick in the butt to help you out of your funk and do something constructive like cleaning the house. I know he is watching over you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirleyb Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 Peggy, It is good to see you post. I know too how hard it is to lose that one person you feel is half your soul. I am glad to see you are busy and it is good to know Mike is coming back home. I know for me it has helped to have the kids close to home. And to have the projects. Thanks for the update and for sticking around. Shirleyb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynneH Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Peggy, I cannot believe it has been 6 months. I know some days it feels like 6 years, and some days it feels like 6 hours. Weird, isn't it? Ginny plucked the bullseye right out of the heart as she spoke of all of those 'ordinary' moments that all added up to a whole bunch of special. I know we cannot make any more of those moments, but it's nice to know that we have a place in our hearts reserved for all of those nice, enjoyable, memories. I know Don is so proud of you. Take care of yourself and so nice to hear your 'voice' again, Lynne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trishnmiller Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Dear peggy, Our husbands ages and cases were so similar that I grabbed onto everything you wrote during his treatment..and still do. I'm so glad you checked in. Be good to yourself, you deserve it. It's all so hard. I know I still miss my mom and she died of cancer 11 years ago. I don't dwell on it but..well, you know. love, Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 ((((Peggy)))), I can't find the words. I miss Don too ( you brought him to life for us on this board), but I am thankful that we have you. Stay in touch and thank you for being such a friend to me and so many of us. Love you and hope time will be healing for you. Don would want you to laugh . Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy c Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Peggy, ditto ditto ditto .......I feel your pain. Take care and am praying for you. Love,Nancy C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I have not been alone for 6 weeks yet and can not imagine doing this for 6 months. You are just ahead of me on this path and I am following you and Beth and Lynne and Nancy and Ginny and others................I treasure each of you and I want you to know that I am back behind you and trying to live up to the brave example that all of you set. I love each of you and Peggy, I am hugging you right now. I think Lynne has a big fluffy towel for each of us and I take such comfort in all of you. Love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarHart Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Peggy, it was good to hear how you are doing. I think of you often and the other wives who have lost their partners. I admire the courage you all show and I hope that I will be able to be as strong when I will have to move on. Karen H Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Peggy, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take good care. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted February 7, 2006 Author Share Posted February 7, 2006 Thank you all for your kind words. I got through the day - spent most of it online spending money. I did almost no work and made it my first official "Peggy day" since Don's been gone. It felt good. Whenever I would tell Don I didn't feel like doing such and such and would rather take a nap, he ALWAYS said, "Then, take a nap!" Well, I didn't take a nap, but I didn't do any of the stuff I "should" have done, and I liked it. Thanks again for the loving support - I need it. Love to all, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Peggy, I have not been on the board in months, but I think of you often. I am encouraged to see how well you are doing. Even though I am not around much, you will be in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Peggy, Was unable to answer your post on February 3rd, was way down still after twenty seven months, just a bad attack of loneliness on my birthday small attack that lasted for over a week, now I'm getting out of it and hope to never get another one as bad. Keeping busy is always an answer but as soon as the present work is done, the time is there and have to be filled, that is when we have to find activities that interest us and fill some blank time. You will find your answers with time and some fun periods will be there for you. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 dear Peggy. Good to hear you again.. you have been gone for so long. Whar'd you go???? love, Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunny Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 peggy, I haven't been on as much as usual. so even though I am 15 days late...I just wanted you to know that I am cyber hugging you, too, with the others here. you're a tremendous power of example to us here. xoxo amie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted February 19, 2006 Share Posted February 19, 2006 Dear Peggy, It was so nice to hear from you again. I have thought of you a lot and wondered how you were. I sent an email but it was returned. I can empathise with you on your "lonely Saturday". I have had more than a few of those; somehow it always seems worse at the weekends. I too have often felt as that I would rather have gone with Dave than face the awful "aloneness" without him. It seems however that God has other things in mind for us doesn't it! Keep your spirits up. God Bless, Paddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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