Jump to content

Losing my mother..


Recommended Posts

Ahh... the guilt. I totally understand what you are writing about. I was my Mom's primary caregiver, too, and I've been thinking about things I could have done better - particularly as she died.

I can only believe that it is somewhat normal to think this way - that it is somehow part of grieving and working our way through our loss. The mind is a tricky thing when we're at our most vulnerable.

I try to reflect on the knowledge that my Mom loved me, was very proud of me and wanted to me to live a good life. I'm sure your Mom felt the same about you.

On a funnier note, I also think of the day that I may encounter her again (if that is what is meant to be) and how she might box my ears if she felt I wasted my time being sad instead of moving forward and being happy. It provides me with a certain amount of motivation to live well, believe me! :lol:

My best to you,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sparrow, I know you feel lost without your mother. Being a caregiver for someone you love is a very difficult task. When my husband was ill, I was always so frustrated, as I felt absolutely helpless. I so wanted to do something that would make him all better but at the same time, I knew there was nothing. In the end, we have to remember that we did everything possible for our loved ones. I'm sure that your mother was content and happy just having you by her side. Moms are like that! The most important thing to us is having our children near and knowing they are safe. Guilt is a natural part of grieving. I would imagine that everyone on this board that has lost a love one has at sometime felt that maybe there was more they could have done. Just always remember that your mother will always live on in your heart. She was very lucky to have a loving daughter to care for her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I have spent hours... days literally agonizing over Mom's last few weeks. I feel like we got broadsided with the end when it came and there were a lot of really messy family situations. I keep thinking, "I should have realized it was coming and sat with her more." Or, "I should have pushed my Aunt out of the way and demanded dad and I have our time" or (the worst for me) "What if we overmedicated her and we could have had longer?"

I can't tell you not to do it, because I know I can't stop myself. I can't even tell you how to make it better. I guess all I can tell you is "me too" and it hurts... but I think somehow we will push through it. Because we have to for our Mom's.

I asked my Aunt a few days before Mom died how I was going to survive this, and she thought for a few moments... nodded her head... and looked at me and said, "With the gritty genes your Mom gave you."

If you ever want to talk, PM me.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was my Mom's primary caregiver through her illness. Those moments of self doubt and questioning will always come up from time to time, I think.

Guilt is only appropriate when something is done with malice or ill intent.....

I always try and tell myself that everything I did, I did with love and with the best medical advice I could find. I am guessing that's what you did, too. We did the best we could with what we had...

Although we certainly wish the outcome had been different, our care comes from the heart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.