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Fay A. 2-19-06

Fay A.

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Have to admit that Private messages and emails are now becoming difficult for me to make my way through. Vision is a bit blurry, and I sleep a great deal of the time now. Hard to sit here for any length of time since we starting staging down the Decadron (from 4 mg two times a day down to 2 mg 2 times a day for a week, then again to 1 mg.) I just feel wiped out right now.

I do want to say again to those traveling with me here that this is not a "frightening" experience. Make no mistake. I do NOT want to die. But the fears I feel have more to do with me not being here to help when those I love need me.

Thank you for letting me speak of these things.

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Brian expressed that, also, Fay. He said: "I am not afraid to go, I am afraid to leave you behind."

I think you are both very loving, giving, generous human beings.

Breathe deeply and await the great adventure. Death will only serve to open us to what is really real.

We love your openess and your generosity of spirit.

With love and respect,


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Dearest Fay,

You are held so tightly by your love ones. There and here.

You have been and still are such an inspiration and a women full of such knowledge and courage who has help so many people on here, ten fold.

I am just so glad you are able to post to us. You are amazing. There could never be another Fay. I know you will continue to help the poor souls who are lost on the other side. That is just the way you are.

You are the strongest woman I know. You have been through so much and you never complained, not once. If I stubbed my little toe, I cry like a baby :roll: I am such a wimp. But I certainly have learned so many lessons from you. I know when I have adversity to face, I will think of you and that will give me the strength I need.

I thank your for that from the bottom of my heart.

It feels good to be able to tell you how I see you, while your beautiful eyes are still open and not when they are closed.

I am just so glad you are still with us.

Always praying for that miracle.

With love,

Maryanne :wink:

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Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and dedication you have given to us all. Don't you be worrying about us Fay. Those of us that have been blessed to have your words of wisdom and love touch us will never forget it. You are truly a beautiful person and I have to believe that God is with you. I hope you have someone there that can let us know how you are during those times you aren't up to posting. Take care of yourself and take strength from our prayers.

Love and Prayers,


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I'll post for as long as I am able. I cry, too, folks. And I do complain, but I have tried to make the complaints constructive. Today I learned that a few folks will be available for my children that I really want to be there for them over the long haul. And I cried in relief like you wouldn't believe. Problem with crying when you have Lung Cancer is affects ability to breathe. So I try not to cry at all for that reason. It shortens my breath significantly.

Random thoughts...

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I'm so glad you found some people to be there for your children for the long haul. As a mom, I can totally understand how important that is for peace of mind. Obviously, from your comments, that gives you great relief. I'm sorry your tears of joy about this interfere with your breathing though!


gail p-m

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I know how you feel about leaving your loved ones. I had always said that if something happened, I wasn't so afraid of dying, the part I was afraid of, and am still fearful of, is leaving my children.

I can only imagine the weight that was lifted from your shoulders today.

Keep coming on as long as you're able Fay. And when you rest in between, I wish you dreams filled with fields of flowers.

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Dear Fay,

I am so thrilled to see your picture and to be able to put a beautiful face with the person we have come to know and love.

I'm also thrilled to know that your children will be taken care of and understand what a relief that is to you. Like you, I am not afraid to die, but I am afraid to leave my son behind for more reasons than I can give here. I hope that when the time comes for me that someone will step in and promise to look after him.

Fay, your posts this past week speak volumes about you and your love and concern for others. It's amazing to me that in your final days you take the time to come here and talk to us. You are something else, dear lady!!!

May God bless you in the days ahead with peace of mind, comfort and His unconditional love.



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My dear Fay, I am so glad to see your beautiful face.

I wish I had the words to tell you how much you have helped and inspired me these last few years and how you continue to do so now.

To know that others will continue your guidance for your children offers you much peace I am sure.

Come to us as you can, rest as you can, laugh as you can. Remember, there are so many people here who love you and care about you.

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