This keeps happening

[stand4hope]

Hello everyone,

I maybe shouldn't post this because we have had so much bad news here in the past few months and the past few days, and also I know I haven't been very active on the site. But if anybody can relate and maybe even help me get through these times, I am grateful.

Every time I go to a doctor, lab, etc. for anything, I, of course, have to give them my new insurance card. It's still Eli Lilly & Co. insurance, but it's now in my name only and has a different ID number. I always just say, "I have new insurance" and hand them the card. Well, every single time they go through my records to be sure everything else is still the same. When they get to the question, "Is Donald still your emergency contact?", it's all I can do to not completely fall apart. I get choked up, my voice cracks, and the hot tears appear when I tell them "No, he passed away." Each time, they say they are so sorry and I can tell they feel terrible that they had to ask. Then, to make it worse, I have to give them another name, and can hardly even do that. Don has always been my emergency contact on everything, and I don't want anybody else's name on that line, and I don't want anybody else to be my emergency contact but him.

Later this afternoon I realized that the reason this is so painful is because it's going through the process of "removing" Don from yet another aspect of my life, over and over and over again. It's like a hard stab with a sharp knife right in the middle of my very existence.

Love,

Peggy

[gail]

Wow. I felt every word of what you said. It is something for us all to think about, how what we think is a simple question really isn't.

gail

[michelepal]

Peggy,

I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain. I can't fully relate to how your feeling but I know my Mom had a similar situation. She went to the eye Doctor and was told that she needed to have surgery and she wouldn't be able to drive home and then it hit her he's not here to drive me home. She called me crying so hard I couldn't understand a word she was saying and then of course we both were hysterical. I guess it's just reality smacking you in the face.

My prayers are with you!

Michele

[nikkala]

Ya know Peggy, My mom died 11 yrs ago and she is still my emergency contact. I always just agree, then justify it by joking if it's that much of an emergency she would be the one to call. It really seems quite ridiculous, but I truly understand your feelings.

[karenl]

I understand Peggy. When Dad makes a call to me on my cell phone from his cell phone, it flashes saying 'Mum's calling'. I don't have the heart to change it, and it always makes my heart ache when I see it

Love Karen

[michelepal]

My Caller ID says Mom & Dad too! I'm so glad other people will not change it either It makes me feel terrible every time I see it come up. Also I have pictures of my Dad on my cell phone they upset me everytime I see them but on the other hand I'm scared there going to get erased my mistake. I have so many issues!

Michele

[Treebywater]

Peggy, I do relate and understand. Every little removal stings.

For me--I have been so short with telemarketers. IT seems like every week 2 or 3 call the house and ask for "Carol." I try to be a little black humorist and shock them by telling them that she's dead... or that there won't be a more convenient time... ever....

But really that little reminder every single time stings.

Seems like it's little things that I don't prepare myself for that hurt the most--and big things too.

I hate it all.

((((Peggy))))

[mamasbabygirl]

Oh yes, Peggy. I still get calls for Chad (my hubby) 5 years later!!!

[hollyanne]

Oh Peggy - I completely understand. I changed my parents voicemail for my Dad today, two of my mom's old friends have called in the last months who didn't even know she was sick, all of the mail that comes in has her name on it, telemarketers call for her, the vet asked me why I brought Maggie the CHesapeak in instead of her, etc. I "get it" as so many of us do. I am sorry that it brings up such pain for you...it is funny, I have created a little mantra in my mind when I feel myself gettimg upset about these kind of things....I remind myself that I miss my mom, that it is ok to want her here -- but that she is such a great person that God wanted her back with him...and that we will all have our turn at some point.....

[SBeth]

Well, I do understand and your realization that it is yet another reminder of the "removal" process has helped me understand why it hurts so much too.

It's odd that EVERYONE in my "inner circle" knows what a huge loss I've suffered with Bill's death; yet I go to the doctor/dentist, the bank, the service center at the car dealership...and these people don't know. How can they not look at me and know that my husband just died? Thus starts the "removal" process again. It is very painful. I'm almost at a point where I need to reorder checks and there is NO WAY I'm going to have Bill's name removed from my account when I reorder. So many reminders every single day...

I'm sorry it's so painful for you Peggy. I wish it could be easier...for all of us.

Love and prayers to you!

[ginnyde]

I know exactly what you mean and I don't think it will ever stop. It stinks.

But we were Gin&Earl (one word) for so long, I guess I will always be that in many ways.

[Amy P]

(((Peggy))))

I think about you every day and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Much Love,

Amy

[Ann]

Peggy, just when we think we have crossed all the hurdles and are beginning to heal a little, these things happen. I had this happen to me a lot and would have the same reaction that you have been having. Finally, I sat down at the computer and wrote a generic letter stating that my information had changed and requested this information be placed in my files. I then sent a copy of that letter to everyone I could think of that would need my information. That seemed to take care of the problem fairly well. It isn't a fix-all, as I still get mail from time-to-time, addressed to Dennis and his plumbing company. Opening the mailbox on those days really gets to me. So sorry you are hurting!!!!

[jduenges]

Peggy,

It must be so difficult. I understand what you mean though, I made a phone call yesterday to have some mail stop coming in my Dad's name to my Mom so she would not have to keep seeing it. When I spoke to the customer service woman on the phone, I was in tears.

Take care,

Jackie

[Patkid]

((((Peggy))))

I know, dear friend, I know.

Love

Pat

[hopeandstrength]

I understand too. It's so hard.

Cathy

[patut]

Hi peggy. I understand what you mean. I have to have a small procedure done in the hospital soon and realized Tim won't be in the room with me like he always was for me before. My daughter has offered to be there. You're right, it keeps going on, but I notice it feels different as time goes by. I will be able to handle it because I am discovering that my life is in a new phase. I am beginning to open new doors.

Love, Cyndy

[J.C.]

Peggy,

I'm deaf and Mike was always telling me if my

name was called, now everytime there is a name

called, I turn to my right to see if Mike will tell me

''It is your turn''

and that is only one exemple.

xo

Jackie

[stephnewyork34]

Peggy,

I still have Mom's email address in my contacts and her number is on the caller ID. I know how those jabs are. Whenever I meet new people and they ask about my parents. I just want to cry and scream and say I lost my best friend. It is tough, tough tough......ggrrrrr.

hang in there. We are all here.

STephanie

[paddy]

So sorry you have to go through this Peggy. I too understand exactly what you mean. I have had many experiences similar to yours.

The other day I was reading a newsletter from an association which Dave and I belonged to and where Dave used to serve on the board. In the minutes of the previous meeting I read this little paragraph. "Member of the board", (shall be nameless,) proposed that Dave ....'s name should be removed from the "absentee" list as he, "had already passed away!"

When I first read this I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. I irrationally thought, "How dare they throw my husband off the board as if he were worth nothing!" Of course, the "rational" side of me took over and I realized that while I want to hold on to Dave so badly, others who aren't so personally involved see the reality and accept the fact that he is gone. It still hurts like "You know what" though.

Keeping you in my thoughts,

Paddy

[bethluvswill13]

Peggy- I still dial my dad's phone number when I think of him and think he might know an answer to my question.

I think you made a point. A question that simple can mean so much.

Hug,Beth

[Fall54]

Peggy,

I love you and I am so sorry.

God Bless You,

Jane