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Just some thoughts about my friend


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When Rick and I created a website for LC support, it was pretty hit-and-miss and fly by the seat of our pants the first few months. We met some wonderful survivors who nurtured us and encouraged us in our efforts. Some of you are here today!

But many friends, like BobMC, David A., Judy B, Sam, and many others, aren't here with us any longer. My heart hurts when I think back to them.

Then after several months, there were the other folks who became my and Rick's friends and family, and we lost many, like Bess, Estelle, beckyg, betplace, David C., cathyr, Ada W., Bart Ziggy (greg) and others....

My heart aches when I think of them.

Then, in the past year, there was Melanie, Mo Sugar, Dean Carl, Rachel, blue bayou, leslie221, jcawork, addie...

*There were so many family members who lost their loved ones as well during the last 3 1/2 years...I know who you are and appreciate and love you....and don't Pm me if I left off a name, I will apologize in advance now- these are simply the names of those that reached out and touched me outside of the message board.

AND THRU IT ALL...was FAY A. She was our constant anchor.

She was my voice of reason from the lung cancer patients perspective. She set this little girl straight many times :wink: , she taught me so many things, she wasn't afraid to say what she thought and she fought like hell for herself and for others.

We talked many times, thru e-mail, and on the phone.

She became my friend and ally. I respected and cared for her very much.

Just a little story....when LCSC upgraded in 2003 our web site changed a bit. I can't tell you how many times I got a call or e-mail from Fay at all hours of the day and late night to trouble shoot her computer problems. We'd go round and round for hours or even days, only to find out she was on medications that effected her memory and the sole problem was she kept "forgetting" her password!!! Boy she kept us on our toes and taught us patience! LOL

I can't tell you the frustration! We laughed alot about it.

She was one of a kind and I miss her already. I wanted to make the City of Hope presentation in 2005 she had prepared and I had tried to help her with- but it wasn't to be. She was rained in and didn't make it either. I just wanted to meet her after 3 1/2 years.

I just wanted to post my own eulogy of the Fay I knew that helped me and was such a support to me. I can't believe she's really not coming back.

I miss her.

I hope everyone here knows how important you are. Every message you post or reply to, every PM you send, everytime you reach out..you are making a mark on another person's heart and soul.

I don't normally post things like this...Thanks for letting me vent.

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HI Katie,

Biggest hugs. I have been crying most of the day about Fay. She sent me soooo many emails after Mom passed and always was there to help or give advice. I know I haven't been around much this year, and I am sad for all that have been lost...but Fay made a special place for me in her heart and I will always be greatful for knowing her.



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Hi Katie,

You have some wonderful memories of Fay and they are Priceless!

So I thank you for telling me things that I was not aware of. You have known her much longer than I and she actually became your friend, off line.

What amazes me is the kids on the board, they all know her because she always gave them the support they desparately needed. They all love her. How special is that?

So I want to express my condolences to you on the passing of your dear friend.

Maryanne :wink:

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Katie--When I think of Fay I think of how hard she battled, tried to help other with lung cancer and tried to make a differences with lung cancer. I do am very saddened and heart broken. But I am glad I got to know her through the board, PM's, Emails and talking to her on the phone. People come and go in our lives, but some people leave a foot print in our hearts to remember them forever. That to me says it all about Fay. Rich

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Yes Katie, it won't be the same without Fay around here! Remember that lovely avatar she had with those beautifuly made chickens. Did she make them herself?

And what about the one where she only showed us the back of her head! It was nice to see the last one and get a look at her pretty face ..eventually!

She will be missed.


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One of my biggest disappointments was not getting to meet Fay in person. But like all of us, I really feel I knew her.

When she was at City of Hope I wanted to visit, but had a cold, and her immune system was way down. So after several phone calls, I finally just dropped off a little gift at the desk. She called when she got it and we laughed and laughed. (Chickens were involved.)

So I was really looking forward to meeting her at the City of Hope event, where I'd planned to come help her with the LCSC table. That morning, she called very early to let me know she couldn't come due to the roads being flooded. She was so upset! She had prepared posters and books and lots of great things, and now there was no way for her to physically get them to the event. But she was very concerned that "the show must go on," so she emailed me about 25 things to print and take. While it wasn't nearly as nice as if Fay had come, she made sure LCSC was well represented. I was just so disappointed not to see her in person!

Fay made a big, big impact on so many people. I miss her very much, and I hurt for her family (including her dog).

Hard to believe she isn't coming back. Guess we'll all just have to go see HER - when God decides the time is right.


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Katie, we've talked about this - how hard it is to be here and experience the loss of our friends here, after the toll lung cancer has already taken in our 'real' lives. yet here we are, sometimes moreso than usual :oops: , showing up for each other. I had a fraction of the connection you had with Fay and I already miss her, I can't imagine how sad this is for you. she was so PRESENT and true. sometimes prickly, but usually sweet and generous and kind and spiritual. I loved all of that about her.

so here's what I want you to know: I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this incredible, divine place that YOUR VISION brought into being not only helped Fay medically, but enriched the last years of her life and helped her be her truest self. Katie, if we do this for ONE person in our lives we've performed a miracle, or at least given an assist in one. so in your sadness I hope you see the impact you've had on Fay and all of us, and I hope it comforts you and keeps you going.



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Oh Katie, I know what you mean. I feel so fortunate, Fay and I had lunch acouple of times, I saw her when she was at City of Hope and we talked on the phone many times. The reason I feel so fortunate is I got to hug Fay. She was such a real person and cared very deeply about others. A very classy lady and I will miss her forever.

I thank you Katie, if it wasn't for you and Rick I wouldn't have had the chance to have Fay in my life.

Love and hugs,

Nancy B

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Thanks Katie for eloquently saying what we all of feel.

I have been crying to night. feeling sorry for us all and mad at the cancer cells again. Sad that fay is not breathing on this plane.

I sure hope I see that girl again in some form or fashion. What a force.

Fay A and all the others are missed so much.

She shared her thoughts and reasonings so well.

Thanks so much Katie for giving us all a space where we can come together in peace to express our love and frustrations at this cancer. This generousity is so well received. It gives a voice to the sick and helps heal the ones who live after those who are gone. Here the suvivors teach and share. What a wonerful wonderful think you and the other moderatorsa do for all of us here.

Fay knew this too, I bet. I know she does.

much love,


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You are a beautiful person Katie with a beautiful heart. Thank you and Rick for making it possible for all of us to have been touched by Fay's presence, grace and strength. Her wisdom and her words helped move mountains.

I wish you peace and healing in this loss of your dear friend.


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Katie You should Be able to say whatever you want to anyone w/o having to explain or apologize for any of it. We should start a new forum and call it the fishing hole for favorite memories of people and special stories. Just a thought you know. That was truly moving and I never had thepleasure of meeting Fay But feel as if I did from reading everything everyone has posted. Thank you for everything here Much Peace and prayers to everyone out there tonite. Feeling rather spiritual for some strange reason.

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Thank you for your wonderful tribute to our precious Fay A. I second all of your beautifully stated memories. Fay was one of the original members who came over from the "old" board, and I am devastated to lose another of the old guard...our ranks grow ever thinner. Fay's posts were always among those that I checked first thing when I had been absent from the board for a while.

Here's a toast to a gutsy LADY that I was honored to have known and shall miss incredibly. *clink*

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