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January 1, 2006


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I miss Brian till I can't even tell you about it.

I just wanted to tell you that.

There are so many of us that have lost our counterparts ........... I just can't stand it and I want each of you to know how much I care and how much I ache for us.

Brian died on the first day of the first month of the new year. It marked my first day being alone and on my own.

Every first that comes along is like a stab of pain.

First of Feb

First of March

First of the week

First Sunday of Lent

First time I do things he alway did..........

on and on and on.

the worst part is that the first is just the first of many.

I have come to hate the word first.

Isn't that silly?

But it is true.

Brian, I love you so much and I can not imagine how this will ever ease...........I trust it will, but I can not imagine feeling less sad.


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I too wish there was something to take away the pain of missing Brian and having all these "firsts" to go through. We are here for you, you are never truly alone because we all love you and care so, so much about your feelings.

Just continue to trust in God....he will carry you through these difficult days and we'll do all we can help to get you through them too.

Sending hugs and love,


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I can remember feeling just as you do right now. All I can say is it takes time. Losing what feels like half your soul is not something you will get over in just a few moments. It takes time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers that God will hold you close and give you comfort.


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Sorry I don't know how to help you with the pain

you have.

I just know what I did with the pain when Mike died.

I wanted him to be proud of me like when he was alive

and for that I had to be strong and be able to still

smile and welcome each day as a gift from God.

So I kept busy nearly day and night making earrings,

knitting blankets and funny wigs till sleep came.

I kept busy going out to he same places we went

when he was alive, I wanted to be able to face life

alone, because he would never have left me if the

cancer had not taken him first.

I did the volunteer work that we both wanted to do

but that he was too weak to do alone.

I just kept going for him, missing him but finding

him in what I was doing each day to keep sane.

I finished many of the tasks he had started and had

to leave undone.

And I keep him alive in my mind and he keeps me

going day by day.

Pat you will find your way, give yourself time,

make sure that you accept to be the one left

alive to carry on what you started together.



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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey there, Pat,

Come back and talk to us, sweetie. I know you're hurting. Come back and talk it out some more. Get it out. It hurts to get it out, but so does merthiolate (remember that stuff?). Ouch! It hurt so bad to put it on, but felt so much better because it healed the wound.

Love you!


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