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I have been caring for my mother in law since her diagnosis with cancer last spring. I am fortunate enough to consider her a wonderful friend as well.

I am the family member who has had to coordinate information between the family members and health care professionals. I have alot of concerns regarding expectations during her final days.

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Hello Henesey and welcom here

Sorry to hear the news about your MIL.. so sad.

Please let us know what we can do to help you through this. We are hear to listen if you want to vent or just need prayers.

Please tell us more about her and her diagnosis.


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My MIL is one of the most couragous people I know. she is 5 foot zip pretends to be helpless but has a backbone of steel and faith to match.

She fustrates the heck out of me because she is stuborn and we often butt heads because we are so much alike. Watching the way she has dealt with her cancer and her calm acceptance of Gods will has me in awe. I want to give her all the support she needs to do this her way. fortunatley I have the family support in this objective so the battle has only been with the professionals.

It has been hard watching her fade away to skin and bones. I worry about how everyone else is dealing with it and know that they are all going to be basket cases when it happens and that I will have to pick up the pieces. I wonder about when I will find the time to grieve and pray daily that I won't crack until everyone is doing ok.

Each of her friends has pulled me aside at some point asking how she is doing.She lives in a seniors apartment and is very popular. they cry and I have to be strong for now because that is what is needed.

Once in a blue moon I find 5 minutes of privacy which I can indulge in self pity. I know how much I am going to miss her.

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Hi, and welcome! Care giver is a very tough job, but a very rewarding one. Hang in there. It would help if you would put a brief bio of your MIL's diagnosis and treatment on the bottom of your posts, so we can help with specific suggestions. Take advantage of the support here. Best to you. Don

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Guest Frantastic

I'm a newbie too. With some of the same uncertainties. My introduction starts with "Daughter...".

I'm available for "venting" whenever you need it. I hope to use this group for some support for myself, as well as my mom. You are now hereby forewarned! :)


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Good that you found this wonderful place.....you will find peace and comfort here.

If you get a chance to pick up the book "Final Gifts", do so. It opened my eyes to so many things as my Mom approached her final journey. It made talking to her about it so much easier.

Prayers for peace and strength for you. I'm sure you are a gift to your MIL.....

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henesy, i have sclc and am going to cyberknife, but for the last 3 months i have been told all sorts of treatment as got so many consultations -note - i am on an alkaline diet and take immune vitamins & was ready to go to surgery this friday but last week read of cyberknife and malignant tumors- i had sent a history to miami cyberknife and they called to accept me, please look into this as cyberknife is also used as last resort,helps ease pain etc..i couldn't help reading your post -i am care taker of my mom and the poor thing has to eat what i do -she still cannot understand all my vitamins(she is 90)and is in total denial of my dx --please do this -it is an outpatient basis and sound too good to be true,please let me know,thank you & god bless, chase

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Welcome. I am glad you found us. I can totally relate to the feeling of being strong for your mom's friends -- I did the same thing. I found that if I could find one person with whom I could really let go, it was very helpful -- and I have to say there is some strength that you do gain by being strong for her friends -- yet you have to find time to break down....this anticipatory grieving helps later on.

Whatever your worries are about her final days, let us know. Many of us have been by our loved one's side when they left this earth. I was in bed with my mom. While you need to focus on getting your mom some good days, I completely understand the desire to know what the end is going to be like. Everyone has had different experiences, yet a peaceful passing is the most common.

We are all here for you. I truly believe that being a caregiver is inspired by God...doing His work. It is tough, but you will NEVER regret it.

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Many of your questions will find an answer

on this forum.

Your MIL is lucky to have you by her side,

hard for you but also hard on her, she sounds

like a proud woman.

The road is rocky, but rewarding for a caregiver

there is always inner strength, much more than

you think and it helps along the way.

Did you try to give some Ensure in her diet

to slow down the weight loss?.



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I just want to say welcome as a fellow caregiver. Your MIL is so lucky to have you in her corner. I am pretty new here myself and I think you will find these great folks a big help in your journey and what you can do to help MIL in the best way possible.


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