shineladysue Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 It has only been 11 days since Mike passed and I feel so emotionally unstable. A couple days I felt it was all getting better and then out of the blue I would start crying and not be able to stop. Every night I keep dreaming of Mike dying all over again. I was holding his hand when he died and my youngest son was holding the other. The rest of the family was around. I find I dread bedtime. It's so upsetting to wake up and feel it's all so real again. Each day, I try to focus on getting things together , but I'm finding it quite difficult. Those of you that have been through this, would you please tell me if this is normal or should I be doing better than this by now. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Dear Sue, This is all so sad and just so hard. Everybody is different, so please don't even try to compare. I do think that after the family and friends leave and go back to their daily routines and we are left with the reality of facing the days alone, there is generally an increase in our sadness. It just all becomes so horribly real - a little at a time. It's so soon, Sue. You need to give yourself more time. I hope that you have people you can talk to or a counselor to help you get through the really tough times. Write to me any time you need to talk. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdjenkins Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Dear Sue, I wish there was something I could say that would help, but you just have to go through this terrible painful time. My Mom lost her husband two months ago and I know how much she is still hurting. I think everything you are feeling is very normal. She seems to do best when she stays busy, but also needs down time to process everything. I pray for more good days than bad for you. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sue, It will be 19 months for me on Sat. I still don't like going to bed - not sure why, I would think sleep would be a welcome relief. I think we all mourn differently, just as any other emotion in life. So how you are feeling is right for you. As I have said so often, it does get easier, not easy, but easier. My heart will always have a hole in it. If you find, that after a while you are not moving forward at all, I would look into grief consuling. I met with the social worker from hospice about 2/3 times. Don't know if it helped, but she indicated she would call again, and when she didn't I was mildly disappointed. This is a lonely journey you will be taking. I think it affects a spouse in a very different way than other members of the family. And, as you have already seen, others move back to the normal routine pretty quickly. I find that when I am alone, the grief raises its ugly head. So I try and stay busy, busy, busy. It truly has helped me. PM me if you want to talk more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 My dear Sue, Wish you didn't have to go through this. Can hardly believe it myself. Know that you have my love and concern. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sue,I have not had to endure what you and so many others here have.In my mind however it seems as tho it would take a long time for any normalcy to return. I am wishing you strength and more strength to get by and become more comfortable with everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 ((((((((((Sue))))))))) You are perfect, just the way you are. This grief is very personnal. It is yours. I care and wish I could carry some of it, but no matter how many of us want to help, it ends up being your grief. I know, I am struggling to carry mine. I think you are perfect. I hate going to bed, I hate getting out of bed, I hate going into the garage and seeing his '56 Chevy, I hate eating alone, I hate wasting 1/2 of everything, I hate walking into church alone. and it goes on and on. I just wish there was a way we could all get together for a group hug. A general grief support group was not right for me, but you guys really get this whole thing and I think this site provides me more comfort than anyone could understand. In time, I hope it can help you, too, Sue. Hugs and love P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Oh ((((Sue)))), No great words of wisdom here . Pat and Ginny and Peggy can say the words I do not have and say them well. I am sure there will be others chiming in with their expertise of which I have none. All I can do is offer support, hope, and prayer.....all from afar..........to help you through this leg of your journey. Know that when you come here you are loved and cared for by ALL of us ~~ no matter our circumstances. 11 days.......all is so raw. You fought LC for 5 years and now.......well, now I bet it seems you just have too much idle time to think and grieve. You do it YOUR way, Sue, and we will help as we can. Love, Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 (((Sue))) Please give yourself a chance it's only 11 days! It's strange that you should bring up the dreams but I just started having them and my Dad will be gone 4mts on Saturday. Friday Night was the worse, I kept seeing my dad lying on the couch in a apt that I had 10 years ago and the Doc standing there telling us he only has 6 weeks to live. everytime I shut my eyes it would happen over and over, and then last night I was dreaming of him and when I woke up I was totally soaked from sweat but I can't remember what the dream was about. Try to stay strong it will get easier but not for awhile. My Mom is still crying everyday and hates being home alone. But my sister and I have our own families we try to include her but she feels like a burden. Which of course she's not! It's just a no win situation.. Love Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 ((((Sue)))) Haven't been thru it, but do know that everyone must grieve in their own way for however long it takes, and there is no way of getting around it. Wishing you comfort, peace, strength, & whatever you need to get you thru this horribly sad time in you life. And many prayers, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sending hugs and prayers, Sue. I know from watching my dad that this seems very normal, you just need to give yourself lots of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Dear Sue, Sometimes it feels like I take one step forward and three or four steps back. Lately, I find myself calling it a good day if I only break down three or four times. Everyone is different and I don't think there is a right or wrong way, just the way it is for you. I'm so sorry, I wholly understand your pain and I hope it begins to ease soon. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sue, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just want you to know I am thinking about you. Grief counseling sounds like a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I'm very sorry Sue--my thoughts and prayers are with you. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sue, Grief counseling, I found, is very worth while. You talk about everything and find that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Only 11 days have passed which really is no time at all. My daughter passed two and one half years ago and just today a neighbor spoke to me about her and the tears just wouldn't stop for a long time afterwards. I tell you this not to discourage you, just to let you know it's ok to cry and perfectly normal. We're here for you Sue. ((())) Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Sue, you are fine things will work themselves out. I know what you are going through. I lost Deb on 1/23/06 and still wake up at 3 am every monday which was the time and day that she passed away. I cry while driving home from work sometimes or grocery shopping because we use to get to laughing so hard in the grocery store people wondered about us. That is how much fun we had. Grief and crying is normal. Time will heal things. If you think you want to try grief counseling check with your local newspaper for a freebie group. Mine posts a list every monday of a lot of support groups and activities around town. Don't worry, You will be ok with time I think. We are always here to listen and help too ya' know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I thank G-d I am no going through what so many are... it breaks my heart that so many have lost their soul mates. I could not imagine myself with Joel, so I just want you to know that I know it will take time. Grief is different for everyone. I am so sorry for you Sue, I prayt this will get better for you. One day at a time. Thinking of you.. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppie Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Oh Shiny lady, I am so very sorry about your pain. I wish I could give you a hug. My MIL did grief counseling and for her it seemed to help/ She made friends and moved forward but not really beyond LC and her loss. at 63 she is still single and true to her hubs. Please know that so many prayers of love and hope are being offered your way. I am adding mine to the big list of all those offered on your name. Much love, Eppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Oh Sue, 11 days is no time at all. I think many of us make it through the first weeks on the adrenaline of getting everything done (and relief that your loved one is free from everything) -- and then the reality sinks in. I miss my mom every hour of the day, I mourn for my Dad's great loss...I watch him and it just kills me. Everyone says it takes time -- we are trying to give it time. I cry every single day maybe three or four times, but then I go on....as does my Dad. Hang in there. I am sorry that you are going through this.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Sue, Your grief is normal for you, we all have different ways to mourn. Would love to tell you that it will go away, but I can't, just that some days will be better than others. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Thank you to everyone for your kind and caring posts . When I think of this support group, I feel so very blessed to have found all of you. Words could never express the way I feel at this moment as all of you have come here in an effort to express hope and understanding. It means more than you know. Feeling the hugs and prayers. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miami Janet Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hi Sue, I had similiar dreams for several weeks after my Mom died and I agree they are horrible. Its like going through it over and over. My bad dreams seem to have stopped and Im hoping yours will soon too and to be replaced by good dreams. Love, Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patut Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hello Sue. I don't come here often, just check in occasionally, and identified with your post here. It has been 15 months for me now. Sometimes I go along so well, and then there are times like last night when I remember he's not here and is not coming back. My tears flow, but it isn't as often as at first. I purchased a book titled " Grief's Courageous Journey" which has helped me along the way. I'm to the point of wanting to move on, opening new doors for myself, without forgetting my past. I am thankful he chose me for his wife and that we were able to have our years together. Coming to this site and other sites like widownet.com helps me realize that I am not alone. For some reason that is important to me. My best to you - you are not alone. Cyndy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 My Dear Friend Sue.... I am so very sorry that you are hurting. I wish I had the power to take all of your pain away. Losing Mike is still very new for you. It is way too soon to even expect yourself to feel any better. Right now, just focus on getting through one day at a time and the rest will fall into place when the time is right. After three years, I can still remember every feeling you are having right now. When we lose a soul mate, it is something that is very hard to cope with. Just try and focus on all the good memories you have of Mike and the life you shared. For a time, it seemed all the dreams I had of Dennis involved either his illness or his death. Now, the dreams are nicer and I love it when I dream about him. Please know that my heart is with you right now. Please PM me if you want to talk. I'd love to listen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeandstrength Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Dear Sue, My father passed 3 weeks ago tomorrow and we are still having such a hard time. I know that my mother says that the evening and bedtime is the worst for her too. I just wanted to offer you a cyberhug and to let you know that you are not alone. Please take care and know that we are always here for you. Hugs Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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