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A Good Week

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Hello, all.

I haven't posted here in quite a long time except to respond periodically. As you know, we have been in hospice for a little while now. All seemed to be the same with a very slow deterioration in energy levels (which weren't good to begin with) and mental abilities (which, again, were quite limited).

Two weeks ago Sunday morning about 3 a.m., my husband said something was wrong, and he wanted to go to the hospital (not prohibited by our insurance). His breathing was more difficult, etc., and raspy. I tried to give him as much pain and anti-anxiety meds as I could, but an hour and a half later, he was still as distressed. We all hauled ourselves to the ER where they gave him some IV steroid and let him sit until what I had given him kicked in. Chest x-ray showed lower right lobe of lung had collapsed due to infiltration of the cancer and an enlarged heart.

Once he was calm, we came home. He had been sleeping a lot, eating a little and was very disoriented. I told the hospice nurse what disappointed me most is that I had nothing in an arsenal so to speak that would help me calm him down (he was pulling at the oxygen tubing, etc.).

The week that followed was filled with a lot of anxiety and watching. There was a LOT of pain, and we took my husband up to almost the maximum possible with the oxycotin/oxycodone. I did end up being able get some faster acting oral anti-anxiety medication, which my local pharmacy insisted my insurance wouldn't cover. Since it was only $100, I told them to fill it anyway, and I'd fight with insurance. The pharmacy must have expected I wouldn't call on it (which I don't understand since I have always called when refused and always found a solution when refused). Turns out, the pharmacy was contracted with BCBS, but the pharmacist told my insurance representative they weren't making any money on this one. (Not my problem if they need to renegotiate a contract; I say make a not of it for the next round.) So I'm a little ticked off about the business ethics of my local pharmacy. I thought about asking for a spreadsheet of profit they've made thus far from the family.

But that's all an aside.

Then, wouldn't you know it? All of a sudden he's better than he has been in months. Mentally, he can carry on a conversation. His shuffling and balance have improved, and he wanted to get out of the house.

So he's been over to his sister's store to visit, and yesterday we all went to the mall about an hour away, bought him a few long-sleeve shirts and ate lunch out. Then off to his mother's to visit.

I'm amazed (and also very much aware that these turns do take place and don't last very long), but the family needed the time to "be normal" for just a little while. We had turned into quite the dysfunctional group and still are, but, again, at least it was a rest.

He was even able to watch my daughter play a few games at Chuck-E-Cheese, which was quite a feat. (Normally any dinging and ringing will drive hime nuts.) And he and my daughter didn't spend the whole day bickering with each other (him overcorrecting her; her making note of each injustice quite loudly).

So I just felt like posting our update and letting all of you know. Sometimes there are small moments of grace.


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So glad your family had these "moments of grace" to share!

I am a firm believer that God never gives us more than we can handle (though there I times I too question this belief). God must have known that your family was very much in need of these precious moments to reconnect and rejuvenate. I hope that you have many more to come!


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