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Chit chat anyone?


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Hello everyone,

I don't know if there is going to be a separate widows/widowers forum, and like I said on the other post, it's really ok with me either way. Whether we just keep the one forum or start another one, I'm thinking that on this type of forum what we need is more "chit-chat" back and forth. Not necessarily anything like a chat room, but a little similar.

I think on many of the other forums, a question, concern or update, etc. is put out there and most of us have one response and/or one answer or good thoughts to the person. On this forum, I think that frequently some of us would like to come back and add something else, or make another comment, or offer more as we think of things on that subject rather than start another thread.

On this forum, the theme is more about feelings than facts or answers. Our grief is always in our face and raises its ugly head when we least expect it, and our tears are more frequent than ever before in our lives. I think we would also like to talk more about the good days and good times we are having in spite of our grief, and need to express that more often.

In summary, I guess instead of going somewhere else to express our grief or our successes, I'm trying to encourage more activity on this forum, from grievers AND non-grievers. I know there are many, many, many people lurking this forum - MANY!! Why? Because they are either where we are, know someone who is where we are, anticipate being where we are, or they just CARE!!

And finally, really I mean it, I'm almost done :wink: , don't hang back and not post if you want to post. Get it out there! Even if nobody responds to you or to me, it makes me feel better if I can just type it, put it into words and just talk about it knowing that somebody heard and listened.

Just some thoughts for this sunny day in Indiana - FINALLY!!!

Love you all,


P.S. Oh, and for those of you who read something here and think, "I just don't know what to say," (which I know is common), I would say this: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! If you truly do want to respond but just don't know what to say, don't say anything. Just post a hug, a cry face, or a smiley face. That's all it takes, my friends, to say you care! I know that I am blessed when anyone cares.

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You hit the nail on the head. A lot of times I don't post because I don't know what to say. I read everyday even when I'm traveling...just am at a loss for words a lot of times. Thanks for reminding us it is ok to not always know what to say, but to let others know we care and are thinking about them in spite of a loss for words. Take care, girlfriend!

Everybody join in--- :D:D:D:D

I know, I'm nuts! But, I mean well.

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I'm here also,

It is a long time for me,

28 months that Mike is gone,

now I'm kind of sure he wont be back

but I'm here and have to look after me

the best way I can and a ''chit-chat

place (nearly put an S somewhere) would

be just perfect, a place where we just

put what is a change for us a first or

what we hope will be a last blooper as

we are not used to be alone in this big

world and after many years we always got

used to do many things together and now

we have to do them alone, it does bring

laughter and sometimes tears, but it is

all in the new way we are.

A place where all those with a grief

could reach for some help from somebody

that has been there, is still there sometimes

but ready to help and listen.

I really missed a place like this one could be

when I found myself alone.

I had bad days but very good days, when

I was so proud of myself others when I made

big bloopers but nowhere to write about it,

ok I could have used the General

forum, but my first post was on October 7th

and Mike died on the 13th, so I did not know

the members and was really shy to post, this

is not my language and being new on top of it

was enough to make me think twice and keep it

all inside.

Peggy, good idea.

Love to you and to all.


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Today is a little bit better than yesterday

This is good news. Each "a little bit better", I think, will accumulate and one day we will realize we have a whole bunch of "a little bit betters" that have hopefully made us a LOT better.

Hoping tomorrow will be even a little bit better than today, Sher!



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Hi Peggy,

I hope I understood you're post. At first I thought you meant it would be ( if it became a forum) for widows and widowers. I felt left out like I wouldnt get the chance to talk with you all being Alan was my Brother.

I know what you mean about not knowing what to say, I have been there sooooooooooooooooo many times. I never thought to just use a smily or an icon to express my feelings without words and to still let the person know I care. I can always come back and post if I find those words.

Thank you Peggy for who you are and what you mean to all of us.

God Bless you,


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Hi Jane,

It's always so good to hear from you and I read every single word you ever write!!!

I guess I should re-read what I wrote, huh? I meant that on any kind of board we have, one, two, three or ten, I would like to see all of us who are grieving to talk to each other more often, more openly, and not hold back. I truly believe we draw from, grow from, and learn from each other's strengths and experiences.

I truly had it ingrained in my mind to keep busy from Ginny's constant and persistent posting. So, when Don died, that advice was on my mind constantly. It forced me to get out of bed and get busy every single day! I would literally say to myself in my mind, "Ginny said to keep busy!"

Before I posted about my restaurant meltdown, I thought "This is silly, nobody wants to hear about this." But, lo and behold, Jackie had the same experience and Jackie had a solution. I think now that if someone even read that thread and they have the same experience sometime in the future, they will remember what Jackie did, and that I did the same thing, and it helped a lot.

I recall cleary that you had an extremely difficult time with your brother's death, complete with severe depression. You posted a little about it, but mostly you held back and you even stayed away for a very long time because you didn't want to bring a downer to the board. Am I right? I can't help but wonder how much quicker your recovery would have been if you would have felt comfortable to talk more about it.

Not only that, but your recovery has been magnificent and wonderful news of encouragement to share with others who might be having the same problem.

Love you, girlfriend!


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Hi again Peggy,

Thank you for clearing it up for me. Yes, I did have a very severe depression for a very long time and even on medication was doing poorly. Yes, I left here, I returned, I left, I returned etc etc. It was too hard to be here yet I was drawn to people that I loved and cared about here and also to this whole community I joined so long ago. I may not know all of you but I understand all of you thats for sure! Sometimes I am still hurting inside and I tend to internalize that which has NOT helped me in the past. What HAS helped is opening up and letting it out be it to my hubby, here , to friends on the phone, to family far away on the phone ... It just doesnt matter as long as I keep talking!

I am so much better today than I was and I do think that offers hope to others who think they will never feel better or know what to do with the sadness. That was my biggest problem, knowing what to do with the sadness. I understood, I accepted but I had this horrible sadness in me that I did not know how to channel. I got through it, I crawled through it but I did find the other end finally! I love my Brother (like Fire, as Pat would say) and I always will but I am able to be happy today and go on in life and accept that I will see him again only when my time here is through. I can wait for that, with God's promise... I KNOW his death is not the end!

Thank you Peggy for all you have been to me and to the rest of you that have helped me so much and taken my hand and walked me just a little bit further one step at a time. I am honored to know you all and I love you all.

God Bless you,


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I'm trying to encourage more activity on this forum, from grievers AND non-grievers.

first of all, I am SO HAPPY to see you posting.

I set a policy for myself of not posting in this forum, unless a post was about a member that I 'knew' in some capacity, because I am not grieving. I have lost three beloved aunts and a grandfather I worshiped, but none of those losses are contemporaneous, or to LC (though 2 of them were to other cancers).

so I am afraid to post here, for fear of being patronizing or not really being able to empathize. I'm not expressing myself well here.

what I mean is, that I feel inequipped to support people feeling a grief I don't quite know, and I am worried about people feeling like I am intruding...

anyway, I am not making any sense. I really struggle with this here, though. I just adore all of you so much and want to be the best friend I can be to you, I just don't always know how to do that.



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All life experiences are good at times

for people that are grieving.

We just don't know when some words or

a past experience will help, but it is

by trying that we learn to smile again

and live in the new alone normal.

It took me weeks to stop waiting at the

car door before I had to open it, Mike

always opened the door for me, I must

have looked very weird to people waiting

beside the car and doing nothing.....

but now each time I open the car door I

must look weird to people because I have a

big smile on my face even if it is raining.

So life still goes on and on.



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