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Anger and sadness - a bad mix of emotions


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I recently arrived home after a night on the town with some friends. I have mixed emotions, to say the least. Getting out sure beat looking at four walls but I'm feeling sadder than sad and have been retrieving a flood of tears before they hit the tissue.

I ran in to some acqaintances whom I haven't seen since Ron's passing. It was comforting to some degree but at the end of the night I was a basket case. You see it was Ron's band that was playing - the one he helped form 26 years ago and the band he gave his heart and soul to as the "Animal" on the skins. The only original member, who turns 60 in May, talked about the three originals, one who spread his wings to form another band and Ron who has gone up above. I was overwhelmed with grief for my best friend and the love of my life.

I even got up to sing as they played one of Ron's signature tunes even though a vocalist I am not. My God, I can't believe how sad I am. As much as I appreciate our ten years, I want more.

I feel robbed and cheated for not having had more time. I now have a vague memory of the illness - I frequently retreat to thoughts of laughter, passion and of being in a place where I wanted to be. That is good, I know.

I don't and will never regret my perservance since our journey began March 2004. I have been truly blessed to have had a love and a life that some will never experience in a lifetime. With that being said, I pray that those of you who battle this dreaded disease or those who support a loved one who has embarked on this journey will continue to fight and ultimately win the war.

As I said in a private post to Ann sometime ago - I hate to see new members, I hate to see old members lose their battle, I love to see members continue to beat the odds. The war will be won I'm certain. Prayers go from my heart to all of you who continue the fight.

I'm sorry to have taken up so much white space but it was the only thing that stopped my tears.

Kudos to all of you. I rejoice for each and every one who gets one more day.



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Oh (((Janet))),

Wish I could make the pain go away for those of us that have lost our loved ones to this horrible disease. You were so blessed to have had Ron as I was to have had Mike. I pray that in time your memories will only be the beautiful ones.

As painful as this time is for me, I am like you in giving my love and support to those warriors and their families that are actively fighting this disease, as we speak. May they never give up hope and hang on to the thought that every case is different and new plans of treatment are being developed every day. There is hope and they should know that.

Take care dear Janet. Hope you are feeling better today.



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Hope you are feeling better today,

it is so hard to start living alone

even with friends all around, but one

person is always missing and that is the

one we want with us.

Your tears of last night are so normal

after the emotions of the evening.

As for the years we have with a loved one

they are never enough, we have to find in

those memories the support we need to keep

on going.

We are all looking for the day that the

battle will be won.



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Dear Janet,

I'm right beside you and sending my hugs! Let the tears flow when they must. I know they are more frequent than we post about. Tears seem to have come to my eyes and taken up permanent residence. Like you, my emotions are in first gear.

I can't even keep dry eyes these days over good news. The wife of a young man in our office has breast cancer. He posted on Friday that the surgery was a success, clear margins, and they don't think there has been any spread. I teared up. They were tears of joy, of course, but they were instantly there. Like you, I pray that people beat this thing. I wrote back to him and told him that nothing makes me happier these days but to know that someone has sent cancer back to hell where it belongs.

Hang in there, honey! Stay close.



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So sorry to hear you are going through this Janet. You will find the pain and tears will lessen slowly. That's not to say that you won't fall back into the "pit" every now and again, (as I did today,) but you will get stronger.

My thoughts are with you.


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