jaxanisa Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Help! I don't know if I chose the right place to talk but I am scared. I know everyone's experiences are different but I don't know what to expect. I am worried that I can't handle the suffering that will come with chemo. I am fearful that I can't or won't be able to do enough to ease my mom's discomfort. To be honest I am scared about what if it happens to me. I know none of this is positive and I am sure this is not the type of post you want but just typing this makes me feel at least a little better. Honestly I am so afraid that I don't know if being aware of what's to come will ease my pain or if dealing with it as it comes and enjoying "today" is the best way .. but it all scares me. I am a 34 yo working, single, mom living with/ assisting my 76 yr old mom who never smoked and really has never been ill for more than a day in her life and now they have told us she has 6 months to a year.... I'm lost... forgive me!!![/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 First of all.... you are not lost.... you are here and its going to be okay... The battle will be tough, but you will make it through. My Dad was diagnosed with Stage IV and lived 3 1/2 good, good years. I know right now you are overwhelmed with the what ifs... its hard not to go to "that place" in your mind, but, many, many people are surviving this disease for longer periods of time than their doctors are telling them they have. Please don't take the doctors words of "6 months" to be written in stone. Everyone is different, every body responds differently to treatment. When my Dad was on Chemo, I dreaded the horrible side effects... I would have these horrendous visions in my mind of what the treatment would do to him... well, he had NO side effects, mild loss of hair was about it... no nauseau, no vomiting, no fatigue.... NOTHING... Please help your mom keep a positive attitude because it is so important in coping with this disease. I am right here if you need me.... Take a deep breath and take one day at a time... Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Welcome! You can express yourself here anytime. We all go through the various emotions here. Don't pay any attention to the prognosis -- it is all statistics, and old ones at that. There are discoveries all the time to keep us going. My wife is a 3 1/2 year Stage IV survivor, so take heart. I agree you should work on keeping your mom positive and fighting the beast. Look forward to future posts. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Welcome. Glad you found us. Chemo is not always that bad. There are great drugs available if your Mom has problems with nausea etc. You say your Mom is otherwise healthy so that is on her side for sure. Did she have pulmonary function tests? Do hope you keep us posted on how she is doing. Do you live close, does she live alone, does she have help, someone to drive her and be with her for appointments and take notes ? Again , welcome. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Jaxanisa: You're in the right place for this -- it's OK to be scared and don't worry about whether your post is "positive" or not......we've all been there (and some of us are still there, like me...I am pretty new here myself). As others have said so far, don't pay much attention to the statistics right now, those are beaten bunches....lots of unknowns are hitting you big time right now; read as many related posts as you can that seem to relate to your mom's issues and post your questions as they come along. We'll be here to help you along the way. Hugs, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 Welcome, You are doing ok, you posted here to find more about lung cancer, that is positive. A lot of us that are or were caretaker were scared and did not know much when we had to look after a person with lc, we did all we could and you will be able to do the same, just ask questions and somebody will answer them, we also will ask many questions so we can help you. My question: What is your mother's name?, would be nice to mention it when we post answers to you. She is two years younger than me. Welcome again. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLT Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi there. I completely understand where you are coming from. I remember when my Dad first got diagnosed and how panicked and scared I was. I couldn't talk about it without crying. Dad was given 9-12 months to live and it has now been almost two years and he's still quite strong. Try not to follow timelines given by doctors - your mother is not a statistic, she's a person. Like your mom, my Dad is mid-70's and really hadn't been sick a day in his life. I think his previous good health has helped him fight this battle better. I also have found that knowledge is power. I felt less helpless once I starting educating myself about lung cancer. This is a great place to help you do that!! Take care, Sherri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxanisa Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 My mom's name is Dottie. My name is Jacqui. She and I live together with my 6 yr old daughter. My sister lives about 15 mins away so we are there for her. My sister (Andrea) and I will juggle her appointments but I don't know if there will be alot or a little. She never really had "appointments" except for routine ones and she could drive herself. She had her first chemo treatment on March 14th and it went ok afterwards but indigestion or slight nausea set in then her muscles hurt a little. Unfortunately though she has has had this incredible pain in her chest. It is the very thing that brought us to take her to the ER and then we found out about the lc. She actually has returned to the hospital yesterday and she was admitted. She is there now because they are concerned that the chest pain may be heart related or gastric or something.. But the chemo doctor gave her Kytril for nausea/ indigestion and Hydrocodone for her pain. The Hydrocodone makes her so excessively tired. I have never seen anything like it. So between the nausea, the chemo related discomfort and her chest pain .. it just keeps her from being her "usual self". It is understandable but still very overwhelming. I would have told you that she was the "rock" for our family and in excellent health had you asked me a month ago. I hope I don't sound like I am whining or being petty. I just didn't see this coming and I want to vent. I want to understand how to help. I want to keep her from suffering as much as I can. Jacqui Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hello Jacqui, Dottie is in the hospital now, so they will check for everything that is related with her pain. They may make many tests or find very fast the reason for the pain it could also be a reaction to medication. You will find out what they are going to do and after you could get a schedule for the chemo treatments, Dottie may get other appointments in between to see the results of the treatments. OK for now Jacqui, try to relax knowing they your mother is taken care of, it is hard but you will need to learn to take care of yourself for her wellbeing. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Welcome Jacqui, You never need to apologize for whining or venting here. We all do it sometimes as it is necessary to get this incredible pressure off our chests and keep us sane. Besides, how can we help unless we know what is bothering you? I'm sorry to hear your mom is in the hospital right now, but she is getting the care she needs to be able to aggressively fight this disease. I will keep her in my prayers that she is feeling better soon. Hopefully as well her treatment going forward will make her feel better and better. They have made so many advances in anti-nausea drugs in recent years. Most chemo treatments my husband has had he has only had minor side effects; minimal nausea and fatigue. But he still works full time, drives himself to all his appointments and really is self reliant. And like the others have said before me, don't listen to statistics. They are based on years old data from prior to recent medications and treatments. You mom is otherwise health and strong and she is an individual and not a statistic. Anyways, Welcome. Please come whenever you have a question or need to vent. You will find lots of knowledge and caring here. You, your mom, and sister will be in my prayers. Carleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 The beginning is real scary. It will get better. Hang in there and keep us posted on how your mom is doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missyk Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Jacqui... I don't think any of us will ever forget those beginning days when terror was all that we could see most of the time. It DOES get easier. And yes, i think we all have posted weepy, whining, scared posts...and are loved and supported when we have them. (I had one not long ago myself) You've found a unique place where we all have been on one side of this disease or another...we know the fear...the sadness...and the joys that come along with this. Never be afraid or ashamed of how you feel...chances are someone's felt it, too. I've learned, after it was pounded into my head from those on here, that statistics mean NOTHING! Mom was told that she had 3 months...maybe a year if they about killed her with treatment. She's 10 months in and still kickin...and without getting too sick from treatment. Warm hugs and prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi Jacqui: You have got a lot of good advice here. I would just like to welcome you. Encourage your mom to rest when she feels tired. I took a lot of naps when I was on chemo. I drank a lot water and snacked a lot. I hope your mom's treatment goes smoothly. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Jacqui, I completely understand your panic right now. So many of us have gone through the exact same thing whether we are caregivers or survivors. First thing first -- BREATHE. Take each day as it comes. You have the strength for today...and you will have strength when tomorrow comes. You can't predict the future and it is too overwhleming to try and guess...so DON'T. The thought of my mom suffering was my number one concern. She did have a lot of pain, yet we were able to get it under control. The best thing you can do for your mom is be there for her and help be a medical advocate. Ask questions, go to her appointments, and remember that sometimes she is simply going to feel like junk....just be there. I am so sorry that you have to go through this...it just absolutely stinks....we are all here for you. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Welcome Jacqui, Sorry to hear about your mom but glad you found us. Stay with us and keep us posted please. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi Jacqui, I am also one of many many daughters here, and all the advice and words here are wonderful and have helped me through the last 9 months. Try not to look so to hard at the statistics and remember this is the fight of her life and it will change everything about her and you and the rest of the family. You and your sister will need each other more than ever also. The best thing anyone really told me is LIVE FOR TODAY and try not to dwell on the 'what might happen', leave nothing unsaid! I tell my mom all the time how much she means to me and how much I love her. Everything else will fall in place, you will find your way with patience and love. ASK questions, tell them every symptom or problem even if your mom protests... one thing I really saw in my mom is that she would forget how serious somthing was at the time, she would look back and say well, it wasnt that bad. Her thigh hurt for 2 months before she really complained about it and it turned out her cancer had spread to her femur. Another common thing that happens in the first few months is undiagnosed depression. It can have a vast number of emotional and physical effects. Be sure to watch for that in your mom and ask for help from her doctors. Most treatments take a few weeks to kick in. Boy I could go on and on here... Before this I definitly had faith, but didn't go to church. Now I do, and I pray alot. It goes much deeper than that but I dont want to preach. You and your mom and the rest of your family are in my prayers. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxanisa Posted March 20, 2006 Author Share Posted March 20, 2006 My mom is doing much better. They said her heart is fine. They told her that she has acid reflux and they gave her a diet plan and something to take to coat her stomach. So I am relieved to hear that.... If she gets out of the hospital today then she has to go the treatment center to get bloodwork done. She prays all goes well with that!!! I am scared about how the 2nd treatment of chemo will affect her but I am going to take the advice from this group and try to live for today. I need to say thank you to everyone that has read and/or responded to my post. It's very comforting. I thank God for all of you. I know I will post often. I have so many questions. My mom is not one to ask for help or reach out to others. She is very private. I, on the other hand need to understand and to prepare in order to be strong and sometimes my faith grows weak especially when it comes to watching my loved ones suffer. But I do pray for the very best.... for my mom, and for all of you...and your loved ones.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi Jaqui, I missed your first post....it was nice to read that she is feeling better. I'm a daughter too of someone diagnosed with lung cancer. It is so, so scary at first. Knowledge IS power though and you have a wonderful attitude. Stay strong and learn all you can....and never, ever give up hope. Praying for you and your family. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hi Jaqui~ Welcome. This place is a miracle itself! I am glad to hear that your mom is doing better! I am on this site because of my mom too. The great thing about this place is that all emotions, feelings and moods are respected. Comfort is given when needed and joy is shared as well. We all go through the ups and downs- looking far into the future and then at times hiding and not dealing with it at all- it's normal! I wish I were able to be on here as much as I was before but I have limited computer access right now. Blessings, Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Get a small Organizer to keep track of Appointments Medications Test results and questions for Onc and Medical team. Write down all med sand dosage in this book. Let Mom keep it and take it to every apptmnt. Knowledge is power and we have a lot of knowledge to offer you. Just ask whatever you want and we can help you or get an answer for you. Read the good news forums. Think positive always and the power of prayer works. Welcome to the Family here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrhodes Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I agree with so many of those posting here. It is important to know as much as possible and have your own information at your fingertips. That helps when it comes to ensuring the physicians and nurses and other personnel take you seriously. My husband has had two experiences with chemo -- one that absolutely took him out, the second that he endured very well and felt he could do even more of. Use the medication available to you for symptom control, and don't hesitate to ask for other options. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodi Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Hi Jacqui, You are amongst caring, understanding, awesome friends, here! My mom was diagnosed, in late January, and I am now getting used to the idea, of her "living with cancer"....we can never listen to life span expectancy. Only God knows, when each of us will die....Yes, stage 4 Lung Cancer is not the greatest diagnosis to get, BUT it is how we choose to conquer this dreaded disease, that makes all of the difference, in the world! Keep your spirits up (I know, that sounds impossible, sometimes....but it helps to somehow gather the strength, to smile), prayers hopeful, and use all of your strength, to let your mom know, you are there, to help her beat this beast! Please keep us posted! It sounds like your mom is a fighter! Jodi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Jacqui, Randy, gave you a good idea about the organizer for Dottie with all the treatments, results and medication, you could also get one that you put on the wall, so nothing get lost. Prayers for both of you. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henesey Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Lots of good advice here which I can only repeat. drink lots of water, keep a good attitude and ignore expectancy dates. MIL was told she had 6 months to a year with treatment. She refused treatment , kept a strong attitude, drinks lots of water and has frequent naps and is now working into the 1 year date that was given. We expect her to last another month or so. She beat her odds by several months even though she chose not to fight it. And she lives her life as she wants to. I am positive it was because of her attitude and fluid intake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethluvswill13 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 I would like to tell you how sorry I am to hear of the diagnosis. I also would like to say its always always NORMAL to be scared. I know its extremely difficult to remain positive, but try very hard to...it makes each day a little easier. Remember you will be strong enough to help and your mother will be happy you can be with her. Don't forget to take care of you so you can care for her. Also, always take each day as it comes. Hugs,Beth If you'd like to unload anytime here's the place! I hate that you need us but sure happy you found us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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