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Beckie

First Visit

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Hi everyone,

My mom was dx with small cell lung cancer in Aug 2005. The dr who told us gave us little to no hope. She is now 59 and truly my life. I am 33, have a husband, 3 children a wonderful father and mother. I also have an older sister who is my best friend too. When we found out that my mom has LC our world came crashing down. The fear and sorrow was almost to much to take. I have only witnessed my dad cry a few times in my life and the day we were told how bad it was he sobed. I saw fear in my mom's eyes and can honestly say that was the hardest day of my life. She is now in remission. No sign of cancer. She just had her first 3 month check-up following all treatment and everything looks clear. She is sick to her stomach and doesn't want to eat again. That really concerns me but what a journey this has been. I am a much better person today that I was 7 mnths ago. What first happened was in july my mom became sick. She was treated for an upper resp. infection and it didn't go away. When we heard her cough change everyone became nervous. She was about a pack a day smoker. (me too). My sister and I talked and thought it would be good if I told my mom I would quit smoking with her to try to make the cough better. I later found out my sister was pretty sure my mom had cancer at that point. She wanted me to stop so she didn't have to go through this with me. She is older ( by 6 years). I quit, my mom didn't and we found out it was SCLC. Our dr at the time was not from our country and wasn't very hopeful. Pretty much came out and said go home settle your affairs you aren't going to make it. We live in the pocono's in PA and our quality of dr's isn't the best. She is currently being treated in philly and also by our primary care dr. She has had cranial radiation, her radiation treatment to the lung area started the day after we meet with LC onco at fox chase. Twice a day for 15 days, she received chemo 3 days 6 hrs then 5 then 5 again of two different types of chemo. She was orignaly dx with extensive small cell but later changed too limited because it turned out to be only local. Her tumor was 7 x 7 cm I think and was outside the left lung. It has started to get into the breast bone but was killed with the radiation they had begun. When we had first talked with onco. we were told 9 to 12 mnths. That was extensive he then later said it had changed with different dx. My mom doesn't want to know so he never says anything around her. I don't want to know by have a sadictic need to know because everytime I find out I throw up, but I can't change my mind to just be in the dark either. I am a member of a online support group that has gotten me this far, I really give them credit they are wonderful caring people. I thought I was losing my mind a few times. I need you to know that I have a very strong faith in jesus. I was raised that way. When I say I truly believed nothing bad was going to happen in my family I mean it. How silly, 33 and thinking I would have my family forever. My mom's mom is still with us. She is 89 and helps to take care of her daughter. We were in such fear of losing her after the dx because my mom is an only child, my gram and my mom live next to each other " mother daughter house". She has been a rock through this. My dad firmly believes my mom is healed. She is and always will be his life. Anyone who meets my parents want to fine that kind of love. I have a wonderful family that I adore and the thought of one of them not being here kills my heart. She helps me with everything from do my shoes match to are the kids to sick and if they are will you please watch them so I can go to work..... The list can go on and on. I want you to know that it also includes come on mom lets me and you go to dinner or do you want to go to my sisters (just the two of us) and it can be like when we were going up just the 3 of us and dad...... We were having so much fun, my kids are old enough for me to go overnight with there dad at home with them. My sister is one of the coolest people I know and we all had a blast together. I don't want that to stop, I didn't want things to change. I just asked my mom last week to watch my youngest for 2 hours. She said I thought you were never going to ask again. I wish this pain would ease up. My heart is in constant pain. I don't want to mourn her because I still have her. I'm just not sure how to stop. That is my story. I am sorry it is so long, I have seen a few names I know from the other site. That is comforting, I just want you to know I Love my mom and wish more than anything I could fix her.

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Beckie, You don't have to apoligize for anything. I have written longer posts than that. It is good toget all your emotions in check like you are doing. They are all normal. I hope reading this is somewhat helpful for you. I know how you feel. I lost my wife 2 months ago today and when she was diagnosed 3 years ago I went through the same thing emotionally. We learned to look at each day as a blessing no matter how bad or good, You have a day together with your mom. Remember yesterday, Enjoy today and Pray for tomrrow. That is my philosophy. Thids disease does strange things to the people it affects andf those around them I think. In a lot of ways you learn to be much more humble and appreciate thelittle things in life more so than material things I think. You love someone in a whole new light. I believe God is always with us and have prayed to him a lot more since the start of this battle and I still say prayers everynight ubnder thestars because God can hear me better with no obstacles. Some times He listens and sometimes he may not I do not know for sure but I still do this every night. IT HELPS ME A LOT.Knowledge is power. Do not always believe a Doctor who says your mom only has so many months to live. CONNIE B WAS diagnosed 10 and a 1/2 years ago and she is going strong here. Read The Survivors forum and the Good NEws Forum. These will give you hope and inspiration to help your mom throught this.Ask us any questions you have about anything you need to know. We can probably answer these questions from someone's experience. Keep us posted on how everything is going with you your family and your mom. GOOD OR BAD. If you ever want to vent you can and we will listen to you. We are all here because of a common issue and that is Lung Cancer has affected us all in some way and we want to help everyone that we can. Good Luck, Best wishes, Much lOve and Joy to you and your Mom and Family. Most Important is Stay In Touch.

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Beckie,

You keep the faith. I believe in Jesus too. You just keep a positive attitude and support your mom and dad. God is good and hears our prayers. This disease is beatable, Cindy RN and Geri are long term survivor's and your mom is too.

Come here often to talk and vent. We are here for you with support and information regarding treatment and any thing else we cwn help with. Look at the SCLC Forum here, there may be information there that may help you...

Hugs nd prayers,

Karen

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Welcome Beckie,

Well,you Mom sounds like she doing good I will keep her in my prayers.. Your Family sounds alot like mine except it was my Dad with the LC my Mom and Dad were still so much in Love after being married 45 years. I'm the oldest I have a sister a few years younger and the 4 of us did everything together.

People couldn't believe how close we were and then we got married and had 2 kids each and it was the 10 of us we had a lot of good times now it's the 9 of us it's just not the same. It sounds like your Mom is going to be around a long time but enjoy everyday and don't take anything for granted..

My prayer are with your Family

Michele

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Welcome.

Looks like you found some really good places for treatment for your Mom.

I just adore that you are all so very close and blessed. So much love in your house. It will sustain you.

We are here to help in anyway we can.

Cindi o'h

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I don't want to mourn her because I still have her. I'm just not sure how to stop
.

Don't lose hope. Hang onto your faith, and your love for your family. I felt like this too...the one piece of advice that I can give now in hindsight it for you to live in the PRESENT.

One day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to, and enjoy it- live it to the fullest and love hard. ALL of us should live this way everyday, but unfortunatly it takes something like this sometimes...

One moment at a time. One memory at a time. Many smiles and laughs and talks and just being with each other...

Your mom is alive. She is with you now. Try not to jump ahead what might be many many years from now.

I'm glad you found us. I'm saying prayers for your family.

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Hi, Beckie

Welcome to a great support site.

Your post had me riveted. The love in your family is very evident and well expressed.

I think it is one of several things in your favor.

It's a tough time getting through treatments, but it sounds like there is reason for a lot of hope with your Mother.

Here's to better days,

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Please don't give up hope, I'm the same age as your Mom and I'm a sclc survivor.

It's been over 4 years since my dx and I am free and clear so anything is possible.

Has anyone asked the doc about nausea meds, I too had that side effect and it was kept under control with meds and not letting my stomach get empty........which at times was a real challenge because of the nausea, a real catch 22!

Take care

Geri

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Hi Beckie, welcome to this board. How wondrful that your mom is in remission now. Your family sounds wonderful and you all should have years of time together now. Enjoy it. Take you mom out to dinner and feed her. I hope she gets her appetite back. Being cancer free is worth a night out. "Eat, eat, eat and be happy" you can tell your mom.

Don M

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Katie stole my thoughts! Darn.

There are too many daughters on this site. Yet, along with everyone else we are here for you -- to give you support from our experience and our hearts.

My heart aches every day...but I have made it through every day -- from diagnosis through treatment through my mom's death to horrible grief. Yet, I am here. God gives us all the strength to handle each day, each hour -- you will have this strength. Just ask for it.

Your mom is here. Lover her, share with her... you will never regret one moment. You can't predict the future, and you shouldn't try to.

Love,

Holly

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I have been on chemo for 3 months and a few weeks ago when I was weighed I lost 5 lbs in one week. I was surprised that I could lose it so fast. Just out of the blue I had no appetite. In fact, every day I would have to really make an effort to feed my little chihuahua (he eats people food), poor little guy, he is 4 years old and only weighs 2 lbs.

I knew if I didnt make a serious effort to eat I would start that downhill thing where you lose so much weight. There is a McDonalds down the street. I have never liked BigMacs, and I only eat a Big Mac once a year or every other year so I forced my self to eat a Big Mac every day. I knew at least I would have some hi calorie food.

Anyway, I would take an antinausa pill and a anti heartburn pill (I use the generic Zantac I get at the Dollar Store, $3.00 for thirty). I did not get the BigMac to go, but would force myself to eat it inside, and took my time eating. I did this for about 10 days and when the doc checked my weight, I had gained about 10 lbs. How about that, Big Mac, the miracle drug. :wink:

After those ten days, I slowly started getting back a little appetite. I dont try and do regular meals, just eat a little bit all day whether I am hungry or not.

I am 73, live alone, and waste so much money on groceries that I end up throwing out. I even tried going to Luby's cafeteria thinking looking at all the food might stimulate my appetite. I would get a plate with some veggies and fruit end up taking one bite out of each item. That didnt work. My next idea is to use Meals on Wheels, and if I only eat a few bites I will be eating something. In this illness, as in other debilitating illnesses, there is some gene that causes cachexia (sp?) which is why patients lose so much weight and start a downhill course.

Welcome to the site Becky. Nearly everything you experience or will experience has been felt by members here. If you have questions or comments, please post it. Someone can help.

God Bless You and your family. You are never alone.

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Eating when you really don't have an appetite is difficult. I am one of those "eat to live" people and I wish I could be a "live to eat" person. On top of that, I don't like to cook either and I am a terribly picky eater.

So I have been forcing myself to eat because my weight was down to 103 the day I started chemo. Now it is up to 115 lbs and I am still trying to gain weight.

I know that when somebody puts a plate full of food in front of me I feel overwhelmed and I think "I am never going to finish this". And then I don't. So I started giving myself smaller portions and have found that I go back for seconds on the foods that I really like. (There are never any mashed potatos left at my house!)

Also, small amounts of food served many times during the day works better for me than huge meals. I find myself foraging during the course of the day and then eat my main meal at dinner time with my son. Simple foods that are easy to prepare are the best. Sometimes the job of doing major cooking is exhausting. Pudding in a cup, slices of lunch meat rolled up, some crackers with cream cheese - this are some of my favorite foraging foods.

I also reward myself with a good Burger King lunch once a week. :D

Before I started chemo, one of my friends nagged me about drinking Ensure/Boost. I resisted because my thought was that if I need to use those drinks, I was sick. (Okay, so I am not always rational!) But every night I make myself an ice cream shake with Boost (I think Boost tastes better than Ensure). I am going through a quart of ice cream a week, something I never did before my diagnosis! I also eat a slice of pound cake with my drink before bedtime.

The whole food/eating thing is difficult with a patient that doesn't want to eat. It's the same dynamic that we experience when dealing with our kids who don't want to eat their dinner!

Good luck to you and your family! It is so wonderful to see all of you working together to take such good care of your mom!

Pam in FL

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There is so much wonderful advice and information being offered. So I would just like to add my welcome. Your mother and your family are so fortunate to have one another during this time.

I found the journey with cancer has also been a journey of faith, one I am privileged to make.

Melinda

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Beckie,

Sorry you need us, but glad you founds us. My husband

has Small cell lung cancer that spread to his brain

and is doing very very well. Alan is enjoying his

life, we are making as many memories as possible. We

both try to live for the moment and I do the best I

can to just think about today. Alan woke up this

morning, therefore, today is a good day. Does not

always work, I have my bad days, but that is normal when you consider what we are all dealing with.

sounds like you have a very loving family, I believe

love and hope can carry a person a very long way.

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I know your fears, girl. they are mine, too. I don't know what else to say, except enjoy your beautiful family! and keep the faith, you never know what's around the next corner...

xoxo

amie

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Hi Beckie,

I totally understand, what you and your family are going through! My mom is my life, as well, too, and I am keeping hope and faith alive, through prayer! I honestly wasn't very spiritual before, and am now finding that faith helps enormously! Continued success to your mom!

Jodi :D

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