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It's Hard


KarHart

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Thank you to everyone for all your condolences. I am very grateful to our daughter Laura for posting about Ken for me.

It has been a little over 2 weeks now and it still does not seem real. The night he died he was in a coma for most of the day and not really aware before that. I was holding his hand and telling him it was time to go, that the next day was Laura's birthday and he needed to be in heaven looking down on us. Within seconds his eyes opened, rolled up and he was gone. It was so fast, but I was so grateful, it was so hard seeing him those last few hours. I was so afraid he might go on to the next day and did not want Laura to remember her father died on her birthday for the rest of her life.

We had a memorial service on the 17th at my mothers house, outside. It was a beautiful service and many of his friends spoke. Our son got up and spoke very movingly about his dad. At that point, I realized that he was no longer a boy, but had become a man. Ken, I know, had to be so proud. At the end there was the military honors, with the marines folding the flag and presenting it to me and taps. Of course that got me crying again. Laura had the idea of ordering Breathe Deep bracelets for the service, so we ordered 50 adults and 10 youths. I was very touched how everyone wanted one. Unfortunately, we did not have enough for everyone.

Laura and the baby stayed until last Sat. I am on my own now. Sometimes, I just think, well Ken was often asleep when I got home from work, so this is not really that different. I'll just pretend he is in the other room. It doesn't really work though.

My mother and I are going up to her house in the mountains in NC. We have a family burial area there for ashes. My father and his parents are there and that is where I will be someday. We are going to take his ashes up there for burial sometime in May and need to go up and check things out, no one has been there in awhile. We will have another service, he has a lot of family in KY and TN who could not come down, but will be able to come to NC.

So, I am just trying to put my life back together. I am back at work. There is so much to do at home. I need to learn all the things Ken wanted to show me how to do, but I wouldn't let him. I kept saying we had plenty of time for him to show me, but we didn't. He always said I was in denial and I realize now he was right. My head might have known, but my heart never accepted it. It is still hard to understand how someone who was a part of my life for more than half my life can be gone. I know it takes a lot of time, I learned that when my father died.

I have been on the boards but not posting. I have been praying for everyone, I still feel very connected here and will try to support those who are still fighting this terrible disease. We need to find a way to stop this killer of dreams.

Karen H

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Oh Karen,

I have no words of wisdom to make anything better All I have is a heavy heart thinking of all you have gone through and now not having Ken. And I am sorry. So many of the gals here will have the right support and advice to help you through this time. I just hope you know that there are others ~ like me ~ who are hoping and praying for some comfort and peace for you.

Kasey

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Karen,

I am glad to see you post. You have so often been on my mind, and I have just been broken hearted over Ken and for worry of you.

I can only imagine how hard this is for you right now. I have no magic words that can make any of this better or easier, but I just want you to know you are in my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers.

If there is ever anything I can do, if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

sending all my love ((((Big Warm Hugs))))

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I can't imagine your pain, or the feelings of this "new" life that you did not want but was thrust into...

I just have alot of prayers and hopes for you and your family. Please know that we all continue to be here for you.

Hugs,

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It's Hard

Yes, it is, Karen. It's very hard. There's nothing but time, love, support, prayer, keeping busy and being patient with yourself that will get you through it. But, get through it, you will.

I'm still here, still alive, and still able to smile and have happy days. At times, I have felt like I would literally die myself from the intense sadness, but I haven't. Keeping busy and remembering that you were so blessed to have Ken in your life will pull you up when those intense times hit you - and they will.

May God bless you, Karen, with happy memories of your beloved, Ken.

Love,

Peggy

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My dearest Karen,

What can I say when your best friend leaves you. I cannot imagine my life without Joel. I don't even want to even imagine that. I am so so sorry for Kens passing.

I also do not have any words of wisdom to comfort you. I pray you have close family and friends who can physically do that. I could only send you cyber hugs and to let you know how much I grieve for you.

One day at a time honey, and please take the advice of our members who also lost their best friend, a parent or sibling, to keep busy.

Ken will always live on in your heart and will only be a breath away. He is in a beautiful place and it is always the ones left behind that has to suffer and grieve here on earth.

Please take some comfort in knowing that one day you will be together and it will be a glorious reunion.

You know we are always here for you.

Peace be with you, my deepest of condolences goes out to you.

Maryanne

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Yes Karen it is very hard. It has been about 2 weeks for me. Today I wanted to share something about work with my husband but he isn't here. It feels so empty. I know you and I are on a journey with the wonderful help of others here we will be help along the way.

I am so sorry for your loss.

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Karen -

We don't know each other as I am a newdie here. But I wanted to jump in and say that I do know what you are saying. It is so very hard. The hardest is when everyones gone home and you realize the world really didn't stop when our loved ones passed over. Getting back into a routine is difficult - but so necessary..

It sounds like you have alot of support from friends and loved ones, thats such a blessing. Keith and I didn't have that and it was truly missed.

It's been almost 5 months for me now - and I can tell you it gets easier. There are still many days I reach for the phone to call him. But those times are fewer than they were a month ago - so I know it gets easier. However, there really is no timeline on grief. I think we will always have days when the "missing him" is almost too much to bear. Those are the days we need to allow ourselves time to grieve anew. There's nothing wrong with that - we are, after all, only human.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Melanie

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  • 2 weeks later...

I finally took your advice and signed on here. I just wanted to let you know that anytime you need me, I am always here for you. I know you feel that you need to be strong for Kenny and me, but really we all just need to be there for each other. The load is lighter when we all share it together. You are so strong and so full of grace. I am proud that you are my mother. I love you, am praying for you, and will talk to you soon (tomorrow!).

p.s. Ryan sends hugs and "teridactyl sounds"

Love,!

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I am glad Laura is here with us all too.

I am so sad for all of us who miss the "man" in our lives. It is so hard to wake up and face the day...but we are brave and do it anyway.

I hope that someday this killer of dreams is gone from this planet.

Welcome Laura. I am glad to have another sister to hug in this fight with LC. Post a pic of Ken's grandbaby so we can all cooo and ahhh. I love the babies!!

Much love, Eppie

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Hi Laura,

Welcome here!! So glad that you posted. I just want to say what a wonderful person you mom is. She loved Ken so much!! I pray for her everyday that she is coping okay.

Once in awhile she comes on to post. We miss her here.

Please take care of her and let her know how much we wish her well.

My deepest condolences are sent to you.

Peace be with all of you.

Maryanne

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