Jump to content

Very Scared


SHANNA

Recommended Posts

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this. My mother was diagnosed in late February with Stage IV LC. I am very scared and I need to know what to expect. She has declined treatments such as radiation and chemo. I have seen a large decline in her overall health in the last two weeks. She is constantly coughing up blood and is losing weight. I need to know what to expect. The doctor gave her less than 6 months with treatment. That is such a scary determination and I don't want to believe it but I can already see her decline in a massive way. Please help! I need advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shanna so sorry you have to deal with this.

My MIL was diagnosed last spring and refused all but one treatment of radiation. This controlled the bleeding and made it easier for her to breathe etc.

It is really hard to accept when a parent refuses treatment. Our instinct screams out to us to fight with everything we've got. The best way to deal with it is to try and accept her decision as quickly as you can and then support her with all your strength.

It helps is you are able to discuss her issues openly with each other. Don't set timelines it depends on so many different factors. The progression of the deseaase depends on many things such as which lung is affected, her general health, treatment , etc.

she may feel weakness in her right arm ,pain in the bones of her back, nausea, weightloss, it all depends on the individual. I asked the same questions you have and have found a great deal of information from reading others posts.

The big thing is for you to realize that you are not alone. Others may be able to give more insight if you can give some details as to the placement of her cancer and any test results etc.

Big hugs and prayers for you

Jen

Tip :

recently I have been making instant pudding made with half and half cream rather than milk and I add in carnation instant breakfast. mom is able to eat about 1200 calories a day , extra this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your quick replies. This is the first place I have found where someone else knows what our family is going through. She is already feeling a lot of pain in her back, chest, and arms. They are doing another biopsy on her neck Fri. to check for more growth. I know the coughing up of blood is part of the cancer but it didn't start until about a week ago. What I don't understand is how quickly it seems to be spreading. There was a large growth in the original tumor over a span of 10 days. I understand and support her decisions but I am having such a hard time with this. She is my best friend and I don't know how to deal with this LC and how to help her. I feel helpless.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand the feeling of helplesness. It's hard because we have no control over it. I have found that talking about it with my MIL and family and getting as much info as possible helps me deal with things. I am learning to control the things I can and do the best with things I can't. Your mom doesn't expect you to fix this for her. Just be there to hug her and hold her.

Moms cancer grew really fast as well and then things stabalized then another bad spurt would come and she would stabalize again but wouldn't recoup to the point she was at before the "spurt". You might want to talk to your mom about getting a single dose of radiation for palliative measures. It really made mom alot more comfortable.

My mom in law is also my best friend

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Shanna. You have got some good advice here. I agree with Henesey that your mom should at least take palliative treatment that is designed to lessen the symptoms. Just try to spend as much time as you can with your mom. I bet she would like massages. You and your mom and the rest of your family have my prayers.

Don M

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shanna,

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this monster!

Spend as much time with your Mom as possible and tell her how much you love her. My Dad passed away in November and he to was my best Friend, so I know exactly how your feeling.. Just make sure she's comfortable we don't want her in any pain..

Let us help you anyway we can..

((((HUGS))))

Love, MIchele

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shanna,

My heart goes out to you and your family. I do hope that if your mom has elected to not be treated that she is at least receiving palliative care to see that she is comfortable. Has anyone suggested you contact hospice? I never had any personal experience with them , but it is my understanding that they are a tremendous help and comfort to the family , as well as the patient. I'm sure others could give you first hand information on that if that is what you choose to do. In the meantime, my prayers are with you and your family.

God Bless ,

Sue

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Shanna,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know how scared you must be. My MIL choose not to have treatment and within a week she went for radaition treatments, so she could swallow. Remember that some treatments will help to make her comfortable.

Spend as much time with her as possible, be there with her and love her.

This board is a God send to me, so check back often, and know that prayers are going your way.

Patty

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for all of your kind replies. Just knowing that my family is not alone in this helps. We are working to convince her to receive some radiation. The doctors did say it would hopefully lessen some of her pain. Bless you all and thank you for the support! We go in for another biopsy tomorrow to check for more growth. Please keep my family in your prayers.

Shanna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shanna,

Hospice would help alot. Hospice helped on pain meds for my husband and I was very happy about it. I was very scared and I read a book called Final Gifts....the book was a big help. Hospice will give you information that helps you a lot.

Take care of yourself and you will be able to take care of your mother.

Adela

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i do think radiation will lessen her pain. it helped for my dad. as for being supportive, all it takes is listening and empathy. my dad showed me his skin after his radiation treatments. all i did was hug him and tell him how sorry i was that he had to go through that. it seemed to go a long way. i think this is the most difficult part because as a person who loves and cares for this person, you want to see them fight. i know i did. sometimes, it is just about listening, and being there- to give them motivation to eat, to go for a walk, or to just sit beside them for when they wake up and they see you. i feel for you. i had never experienced anything like this before. and it was no doubt so hard on me. but i loved my dad so much, i would have done anything for him, even let him go. mirrell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just an update...

Mom had her biopsy and it didn't look good. It has spread to other systems of her body. She is on O2 al lot of the day and VERY tired. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. I'm so d*** mad that this is happening to my family and tonight I just want to yell at someone so I'm getting off here. Thank you everyone for your posts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Shanna,

I'm very sorry you have to go through this. Some days I feel helpless and sad. Try to spend time with her and talk to her. Here's part of a quote I thought I'd share:

"She held close the two things she knew for sure.

One, if a day carried strength in the morning, peace in the evening, and a little joy in between, it was a good one.. and two, you can live completely without complete understanding."

We are are here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.