sunshinenys Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 My mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer and she doesn't want treatment. We just lost my dad 6/05 to lung cancer. He had no symptoms except breathing difficulty after heavy labor. After the biopsy, however, breathing got bad, chemo. helped him die more quickly (3 months total). Hospice involved --terrible memories. Now, my mom is healthy, no symptoms except recurrent bronchitis. She is not willing to even do biopsy. She has multiple nodules in both lungs as revealed by a x-ray, CT and PET/CT scan. So worried but I kind of see her point. Doesn't want to be sick, just die quickly. Her 66 yrs, dad was 69, me 38, single with 2 children, 18 month twins. I am so sick over this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulygirl Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hi Sunshineys, Im so very sorry you are dealing with this yet again. My dad, 68, is dealing with lung cancer right now as well. It seems he's gone way downhill since chemo, like your dad. Please know youre not alone, this place has kept me going in a time I never in my wildest thoughts could be so very rough. My thoughts are going out to you and your family, Pauly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Sunshinenys, It takes a lot of courage to stop chemo and a lot to support your Mother like you are doing. You will be able to gather emotional strength and a sense on what to do for her. If you need additonal help I am here for you. Just pm me. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinC1973 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I am SO very sorry to hear this. You and I, unfortunately, have a lot in common. My dad was diagnosed with LC in Jan 99 and died in Sept 99. My mom was diagnosed in November 04 and died seven weeks ago, on Feb 8, 06. My dad's diagnosis, treatment and death were truly a nightmare. He took chemo but had a VERY hard time with it. My mom, trooper that she is, took her diagnosis and treatment very well. She had about 9 really, really good months. She also was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 weeks after we lost my dad and fought that and won, was on dialysis beginning in February 04, and was in a wheelchair due to contracting polio at age 12. My mom, a fighter through and through. I miss her so much. And, I also have twins. They are 4. My mom lived with us, so my twins really got to spend tons of time with her and kiss her goodnight every night. I just had a baby boy on March 6th, also. My mom died 3 weeks before he was born. I am just heartsick over this. We had a name picked out for him (it was my husband's turn to name the baby since I picked out three out of four names for our twins) but when she passed away my husband said, "I think your mom should name him." So my mom named him Ian. I know, I know I KNOW my mom wanted to see this baby born. It's all she talked about. I'd give anything to be able to put that baby into her arms. I was thinking yesterday that we had three MAJOR life-changing things happen to us in three weeks--my husband got laid off (two days before my mom died), my mom died, and I gave birth. All I can tell you is to spend LOTS of time with your mom. As grateful as I am that she lived with us, when I was pregnant I was on complete bedrest and when she died, she was not at home (she fell and broke her arm and knee and was in a rehab center at, of all places, a NURSING HOME) and even though she was three minutes away I was not able to go to visit her. This just kills me. You are really going through a lot--you really haven't had much time to even grieve for your dad. This disease is just terrible. I have never seen cancer as such a humanly beast as I did when my mom got really sick at the end. It has no mercy. It does not discriminate. It doesn't care about you or your feelings. But I am glad you came here. Be good to yourself in the days ahead. Hug those babies and talk to them about your parents every chance you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I can't even express how sorry I am that you have to deal with this monster again.. Sometime I just don't understand how life could be so unfair. I totally understand why your Mom doesn't want any treatment.. Take care of yourself and those babies! ((HUGS)) Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I feel so horrible hearing about this. I know that there is no "sugar coating" this cruel disease and I don't know all your details...but what if her's is different than your father's and her body re-acts differently to treatment? What if they can put "it" into remission and keep her around longer (have you read about a lot of others on this board)? Did all the spots light up on the PET Scan? I was told that I had multiple spots all over at first...you can see on my profile. Maybe I am out of line saying all this, but like I said, I don't know the details, and what the doctors have said. Just know that I and all the rest of the people here, really care and always are hoping for the very best. Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 wow, so similar my mom was dx'd in January 2003 and passed August 2003, dad was dx'd 3 months later in November 2003 and passed June 2004. Dad told us he would NOT do treatment cause he saw what it did to mom, but after he was dx'd limited stage (but he really wasn't it was extensive) and after we begged, he did a few treatments, Unfortunately they did nothing for him and he passed in 7 months. When they say life is UNFAIR they really mean it. I hope your mom will change her mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Welcome sunshinenys, I am so sorry you have to deal with this again, once took so much out of me and my family, I couldnt imagine doing it again, however if I ever do I know now I would let my loved one make the decision.. We had many family meetings with my beloved dad trying to convince him to try some sort of treatment after the surgery because we thought that was his only option..He never wanted to go through with any of it, I know he did it for us, through all of our tears he gave in and it ultimately led to his death..He was doing so good after the surgery..Once he started radiation, he started to decline, so I live with the guilt every day, knowing I talked him into it..So you may want to leave the decision up to your mom as long as she is making an informed decision.. I dont want to scare anyone away from treatment because it does work, and everyone responds to it differently..I know its so hard being where you are right now, try to support what ever your mom decides, dont second guess like I did.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I am so very sorry that you are once again dealing with this horrible disease in your family. I am a firm believer that each patient should be allowed to make up their own mind about treatment options. I also believe that as family and friends, we must give our loved ones our feelings and opinions and then let them choose from that point. Patients all react differently and your mom may have a much easier time dealing with treatment that your dad. I would try and emphasize that to your mom. As you all to well know, it is very hard watching a loved one battle cancer. After watching my husband fight for his live and suffer through treatments, I have to say that I would decline treatment if diagnosed. I will be keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I am very sorry you have to go through this again and that your mom has lung cancer now. I beleive that we each have the right to choose rather to treat or not. You may just have to accept your mom's decision and support her any way you can. However, it sounds like your mom's disease is not as far advanced as your dad's. If the cancer is just a few small tumors, they can treat it with targeted radiation such as Image Guided Radiation Therapy (IGRT) or cyberknife and then do chemo. Targeted radiation avoids collateral damage to healthy lung tissue. Some people have conventional radiation and chemo in a situation such as your mom's and have a very difficult time with radiation damage to healthy lung tissue and pneumonitis, while others sail right through it. If your mom had targeted treatment, the only difficulty she might have after that is dealing with the chemo. Most people get through chemo ok these days. I wish your mom well and you too in the days to come. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MnMom Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Hi Sunshineys I am so sorry for what you are going through. My mom started out saying she didn't want treatment either (hers is advanced). She did finally relent and finishes with her last radiation treatment today. The doctors are not going to do any scans until possibly next week to see if the tumor has gone down in size but we are not hopeful. Give her some time and information from boards like these and maybe she will see that treatment varies with each person. Like Don said, you need to support your mom regardless of the choice she makes. Believe me, it is the hardest thing to do but it will make her feel better knowing that you respect her wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Welcome! Sorry your mom is not willing to look at options. Hopefully, that will change soon. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Oh my gosh, this was such a difficult post to read and my heart aches for what you are going through. I also believe the ultimate decision is up to the patient. My mom's cancer is not very advanced and she opted for the chemo/rad combo and did fairly well. She did have some problems with her esophagus and also developed radiation pneumonitis...BUT she recovered from both! Someone here mentioned a different method of radiation (can't remember the exact name) but it is more finely tuned and doesn't damage the *good tissue* I wish we had known about this when my mom had her treatments. I don't know if there is any specific criteria but you could do some research and find out. Please know we are here for you Saying a prayer Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 My prayers to you and to your mother. This is just so unfair. I HATE THIS DISEASE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Welcome and glad you found us. Hopefully things will change for your mother as time goes on. Prayers for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.