paulygirl Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Well, Monday we plan on bringing my dad home from the hospitol, by ambulance. Hospice will take over from there. Dad has just gone so downhill since his diagnosis, he keeps getting weaker and weaker.He has a hard time talking due to his breathing, his kidneys have started to work again, but only slightly. He's leaving us and I cant accept it. I left his hospitol room 3 times today because the tears just wouldn't stay put. I feel like I cant be of help to him or my mom when I keep falling apart. I just want it to go away and leave us alone. I don't want my dad to leave us, I still hold out for a miracle yet, I guess not facing the reality of whats happening is making things worse.I dont know how to be strong anymore. I dont do anything but obsess about this and I know my husband and daughter still at home are feeling this.My son has slept at the hospitol every night since Monday just so dad's not alone. I worry for him too. How can I accept this? How can we get through this? My poor dad, yes, he was a smoker, but nobody deserves this.Hes a good, decent, strong, proud man. Seeing him so weak and withered....it hurts so much. I can't think of how he must be feeling without crying. Im sorry, I guess I just needed a bit of a vent, just to let things out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am so sorry that you have to go through this with him, but just know that you are there with him and for him. I am sure he knows that and your mom too. Let it out here anytime. Thank God we have this place. Hugs to you honey and prayers, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppie Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Vent away sweetie. WE're here and we understand what you are going through. IT is painful and sad. Try to make him as comfortable as you can. Give him as many choices as possible. Love him. Eppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Paulygirl, You are doing the right thing by letting it all out. I have been where you are right now. I watched Deb leave me and knew I could do nothing but pray and hope for a peaceful passing. I know how hard it is to let go. Let the tears flow whenever. If you keep it bottled up, you will explode at some point. write to us whenever you feel like doing so. Remember to cherish every moment you get even if it is to hold a hand or caress a fathers cheek. They are all special memories. Live for today and pray for tomorrow, cherish yesterday. It is good that your father will be at home surounded by loved ones. This will help him tremendously. Deb left in the privacy of her hospital room at 3 am without me there to hold a hand or even say good bye. Your father is not losing this battle with LC. He is winning and will be without pain. You and your family have to endure for longer than Him but You will be ok eventually. I really do understand aand hope that reading this may help you somewhat. I will say aprayer for you tonite and your father and family. Prayers and Blessings to you and your family in this time of crisis.If you need anything we are always here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I'm so sorry for the pain your feeling but were all here for you and some of us know exactly how your feeling. It truly was the hardest thing I have every been through watching my Dad loss his battle, I don't think I'll ever recover.. My Dad has been gone 19 weeks today and I still cry every day but one thing I know is that my Dad couldn't go on the way he was anymore he was just to sick.. So if I could give you any advice it would be to be with your Dad and tell him how much you love him and pray that what ever happens good or bad it's what best for your Dad. Stay Strong! ((((HUGS))) Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am so sorry. Say the things you need to say -- I hope you have some good moments before he goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jorja Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am sorry that you and your family are going through this terrible time. My prayers are with you. love, jorja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henesey Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 so sorry that you have to go through this. I'll be praying for your peace and for your son and family. hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this. Sending lots of prayers your way. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 you WILL deal with this. Appreciate the time you have -- make sure you leave nothing unsaid. Think how you would want to be treated... I think hospice will help all of you so much... You are in my thoughts, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 I am glad that he is coming home to be surrounded by all that is familiar and loving. Now he will have the comfort of his own life and all of his loves will be comfortable around him. I am sorry that he is this sick. You are a good daughter. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Pauly, I am sorry that it has come to this. As you say, nobody deserves this. You and your dad and the rest of your family have my prayers in this difficult time. You might consider that sometimes people rally during hospice and your dad may get enough strength back to resume chemo. It sounds like his first chemo treatment caused him big time problems. It is sometimes hard to find the right treatment for any one person. Anyway, I hope he gets his strength back and can resume treatment. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Hi Paulie, Just want you to know that I am thinking of you. I know the feelings you are going through, it is the hardest thing I had to go through with my mom. We actually had to turn off her life support and I can't even to this day want to discuss that at all. But you can communicate with him and that is good. Be with him as much as you can. Make some special memories. He knows how much you love him and Iam sure he is more worried for his family than himself. He will be with his maker soon and pain free while we are left here to grieve and carry on. That will be so hard but you will get through this. We are here to help you. Hospice is wonderful and will be a blessing for you. Prayers sent to him and you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 Pauly, Going home is always a way to make the patient start to feel better, you will have days to talk with him and give him all the love that your posts are showing. good wishes and prayers on the way. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyT Posted April 2, 2006 Share Posted April 2, 2006 I am so sad reading your post, I completly understand, I am also watching my dad lose this miserable battle........my family is falling apart from watching his pain.....please know you are not alone, I am thinking of you and your Dad and family and praying for peace for all of you love, NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jduenges Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I feel so bad for you all. I know exactly how you are feeling. Reading your post, brought me right back to my Dad's illness and how helpless I felt. The only thing that was left was to be with my Dad and tell him how much I loved him and how proud I was to be his daughter. My thoughts are with you. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHANNA Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I know exactly how you are feeling and how angry you are. I am going through the same thing. We brought my mom home this weekend. Love your family and spend the time...it is all any of us can do. My thoughts are with you and I pray for a peaceful week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I'm really sorry you are in such a tough spot right now. I agree with Ry...take this time as an 'opportunity' to say all you want to say. No regrets, at this point. Praying for you! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mskim Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I am so sorry, I hope that this time is as peacful as possible and I continue to pray for you and your family and everyone else here who is nearing the end of this sad sad journey. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 You just go ahead and let it all out, because it hurts even worse if you don't. I am sending my best wishes and prayers to help you all through this very very sad and painful time. Leave nothing unspoken to your dear father. He will hear you and it will be of great comfort to him and to you, always. Take Care, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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