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The waiting is killing me


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So, we're in a holding pattern. We've known about my cancer for 3 weeks now and my treatment is still a couple weeks away. We're waiting for a pathology report on this crazy thing to determine which trial to get into, Tarceva or Iressa. Not to mention another opinion coming (hopefully) from NCI. In the meantime I feel like something is just eating away at me while I try and pass the time until my body gets some HELP! Everly little ache and pain I feel I think that the beast is spreading, and it's making me crazy.

I stayed up last night reading Chicken Soup for the Surviors Soul (a great read), and Lance Armstrongs story (another great read). They gave me such hope, I highly recommend them.

Thanks to all who gave me advice on books, meditation, antidepressants and People Magazine!. So far the only drug I seem to require is a big old sleeping pill, but even that need is going away. The support here has really helped me to believe that we really can fight this thing, and that allows me to breath, and live.

In the meantime, we just wait.


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Ah YES, Tracy............breathe and live!!!!!!! Waiting gets to be one of the very hardest things to do. Most of us aren't any good at it either, ya know?

Glad you got such good advice from the experts here! They've helped me more times than I can count. I am just biding my time as well............and the waiting is getting to me too. Hopefully you will hear soon ~ SOMETHING ~ and things will start falling into place. You're ALMOST there, Trace! Hang on.

We're loving you - make sure you tell Charlie too!


Aunt Kasey

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Waiting would drive me crazy too. I have another recommendation for you. Dr. Bernie Siegel's books on tape. You can get the whole set on e-bay cheap. They are wonderful. In the beginning they were the only thing that calmed me down and gave me (us) hope. I hope they get you an answer soon so you can start treatment.


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The waiting really CAN do a number on you, and I know what ya mean by feeling like "something" is eating away at you. So, let's get another visual going. I like the one about wolves eating the tumors, (or dolphins carrying them out to sea...you get the idea. Pick an animal. The meditate about how your "helper" animal is going to come and lunch on that junk, and take it all away. Or, I like the visual of "breathing in" cool, comforting blue light. It cools the inflammation/pain, and freezes the cancer away....

Any visual that involves it going away will do. Like chicken soup, it can't hurt :wink: and it sure beats envisioning it growing. We'll have NONE of that!!!

Sending (((MANY BIG HUGS))) of comfort to you, Tracy! Hang in there, girl!!


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Yes, the waiting just plain sucks. No, it is worse than that. During my waiting periods I would make little tiny goals--do the dishes, do a load of laundry. Anything to distract my mind.

That said, there were bad moments. But I learned to just make them moments (or minutes), and then just move through it.

Keep writing--that helps too!


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Hi Tracy,

Hurry up and wait... hate that motto. Do all the tests pronto, then wait. But you will be in treatment before you know it. I am confident that they will find the right treatment for you.

Iam so sorry for all that you are going through. You whole life all of a sudden is different, turned upside down. You will feel better once you start treatment.

You have a fantastic girl by your side which I know you are so greatful for. Your Aunt Kasey is such an inspiration here. She has helped so many get through all the trials and tribulations. You are so lucky to have her as a big part of your family. She is fighting right along with you.

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending prayers. Keep that wonderful positive attitude up as that is half the battle there.

Take care sweetie,


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Just know you have the support of so many as you wait...and throughout your process...every night as I go to bed, I pray for all those here, and for those not fortunate enough to have found this place yet, because the support is fabulous...my husband says I am addicted!

Someone wrote in a post when I first started looking, that they would drink water, drink water, drink water, and every time they did, they would imagine the cancer cells attaching to the water and away it would go...I like this thought!

Keep smiling...and take care of yourself!

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Every one of us on this site can sympathize with you about the waiting.....it's surprising that we're not all in the looney bin from time to time.

Just keep on taking those deep breaths, we're all here rooting for you - all lined up behind Kasey - and staying very positive.

Keeping you in my thoughts


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Tracy,waiting is one of the worst things you will be dealing with now.Once the waiting for one thing ends,more waiting begins on something else.

When this all started for me with all the tests and what not it was about 6 or 7 weeks befor I was actually given a battle plan.

Once I was actually doing something and fighting back it seemed more doable to me.

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Hurry up and wait syndrome is hard, no doubt about that one! Hang in there though, things will be moving along before you know it. Glad the Chicken Soup book was as good as I thought it should have been (now I gotta go get that one -- I love that series in general).

Dazy and ztweb's comments about what to do in the meantime, and the water thing sparked another memory of mine: You know, there is scientific research supporting the notion of how our thoughts affect things around us and both of them are on to something about visuals of imagining the consumption of water destroying the cancer cells...(I gotta' remind mom of this one too):

Some years ago, Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water show changes when specific, concentrated, thoughts are directed to them. Thoughts of love and other, what we think of as, constructive thoughts formed brilliant, colorful, quite beautiful snowflake patterns; destructive thinking formed assymetrical, dull, incomplete patterns. He also showed how clean water from springs and rivers exhibited coherent beautiful patterns naturally, whereas polluted water was of the dull variety. He's done tests on exposing water to music as well and shown remarkable changes occur there too. I actually had bought one of his books, The Hidden Messages in Water, at a local bookstore several years ago. So much of our own bodies are made up of water too -- Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture extensively and does live demonstrations all over the U.S., Japan, and Europe.

Definitely can't hurt to do those kinds of visuals. If you'd like to find the book and you can't locate it locally, you can find it at www.beyondword.com -- at least that's where I found it this morning. Amazon.com has it too.


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hi Tracy,

I am so glad that you have your Aunt Kasey in your corner. What a tremendous gift right from the get-go.

She has been an inspiration here to me and to so many.

These first days and weeks are the hardest. Your head is still twirling, I am sure. This is also the time when you need to practice the skill of "letting go and letting God". I would practice that mental behavior, putting my trust in the doctors that were working behind the scenes on my behalf. It doesn't mean that I let go completely. I did my homework the best I could. I took the time to learn about this disease... (cancer is complicated!). When the time came for my appointments, I felt pretty good that I could understand what was going on. Don't forget to ask lots of questions so that you can make the best decision for yourself. I am glad that you live so close to many famous facilities in our country.

During this time, it is imperative that you educate yourself. Sharpen up your sword, garner your shield, and shine your helmet. Prepare yourself now for the fight of your life! Also, gentle with your spirit and soul, and trust in your heart that your winning attitude and spirit will prevail!

I am glad that Kasey pointed you in this direction. We will help you through this.

Cindi o'h

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Hi Tracy:

I am sure everyone agrees that the waiting is the hardest part. I liked Stacy's suggestion for visualization. When I had my first radiation treatment yesterday, I visualized my tumor getting zapped. Also, what has helped me is to completely immerse myself in lc and the treatment options I might have. Now others might get depressed to think lc and treatment all the time while waiting but it helped me stay focused. I hope your get started real soon and good luck with your treatment

Don M

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