So ashamed of myself

[sues]

I can't believe that after 16 years of staying away from those damn cigarettes- I picked them up again.

For whatever reason I've had this awful urge to have a smoke ...Well I did..

I could kick myself.- In case anyone has thought of it - they DON'T TASTE NEAR AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO !

I'm literally hiding from people to have a smoke - how repulsive .. my family all know - they aren't as hard on me as I am. I'm sure they aren't proud of me either - I think in the last 2 days - that I started again - I've cried more than I did when I got my DX.- I just can't believe - after all we go through to stay alive I picked those things up again.

I also know that 1 pack - a few cigarettes aren't going to make that much difference in my recovery or not...

I guess as usually you guys are my sounding pole - thanks for being here.

Love you all

sue

[Treebywater]

Oh Sue... (((((Sue))))). Don't beat yourself up.... Just... keep going on. I'm sorry that you find yourself struggling against smoking again. No matter what, we support you.

[Don M]

Just get through your treatment Sue. You quit before so you can quit again. And maybe, you will just lay the pack down a day or two and forget about them.

Don M

[Linda661]

Sue:

I know what you mean. Hard to believe that we even continue after picking them up again when they taste soooooooo bad (happened to me too after a quit). Don and Katie are right: don't dwell on it and please don't feel guilty or bad for it -- just go for it again as soon as you can so the habit doesn't get a lingering stronghold on you again.

Hugs,

Linda

[shineladysue]

Sue,

I'm sorry you started smoking again, but you can quit again. If you are looking for help, might I suggest the site that helped me after 38 years of smoking.... whyquit.com.. You will also find Mike's story referred to in several places there, along with links to lcsc. It's a cold turkey quit site and there's a wonderful support community there. Smoking is addictive so that picking up even one cigarette after a long quit can be enough to eventually start you back where you were. Hope this site will help.

Love,

Sue

[marym]

Hi Sue,

I can identify with the urge...but besides the dx, how difficult I found quitting, makes me stay away.

Forget the shame and just stop! Don't cry, don't feel bad, just re-commit to be the healthiest you can be. I'm sure you can do it.

Good luck.

Mary

[ztweb]

Sue,

Keep fighting! I know you hate that you have picked em up, but keep fighting! Try the Mayo website...they have some neat things to help. Also, please, please, quit! People love you...

[rvillella]

I know exactly how you feel. I struggle each day with the urge to light up. My wife still smokes, but makes sure I don't get the second hand stuff, but still I have the urge. I think everyday that what difference does it make not smoking? I already lost one lung to cancer and I don't really know if it is still there or not. After all the treatments, the pain and everything else I still get that urge. So you just keep on fighting it any way you can. You've quit before you can do it again. We're here to help.

[mrhodes]

It took me forever to quite, even after my husband's diagnosis and even after wanting to quit for over a decade. I honestly believe this is the hardest fight I've ever experienced -- staying "smober." I joined Quitnet.com and scheduled a vacation with family around whom I have never smoked to get me through the hell and heck weeks (first two).

Now I'm at 298 days, almost 300. And each day, especially those stressfull ones, I feel like driving to the convenience store, picking up a pack and having at it.

You cannot beat yourself up, and it makes it worse when you play the guilt game with yourself. The time will come when you want to return to your smokefree status. At the Q, we have a board for cancer survivors and family still fighting the non-smoking fight. Maybe you want to join us there?

[sues]

Thank you so much for yours and everyone's support. I realized after the first or 2nd day that -that was probally the most stupid thing I had ever done in my life - Here I am - FIGHTING TO STAY ALIVE and I pick up one of the things that probally did this to me to start with !!

So thanks to all the encouragment - I am now smoke free again ! ( hopefully for good this time )

It's just like and alcoholic - once you have the one you're done . I always knew that if I ever picked them up again that it would be the same quitting ALL OVER AGAIN ! I really hated that part - that was one of the hardest things I ahve ever done in my life - with the exception of beating the BEAST !

I go Monday for my MRI - jusy 9 days short of my 1 year DX. Will keep all posted how it comes out.. Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragment - they have helped so many times. Love you guys

sue

[missyk]

Mom...

We love you no matter what and know that each day brings you new worries and concerns and struggles. This was just another one along the way. We're behind you 100% and that will never change.

You taught us long ago that mistakes are made...learn from them and move on. This is one of those times. I love you.