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Anyone have some advice, about dealing with loss?


Jodi

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I am intending on going to grief counseling, next week....until then, I am wondering how to strengthen my shaky faith....whatever your faith may be, does anyone have any stories of comfort, that will help me believe, that my mom is in a better place? My heart says she is....my head is elsewhere....Thanks!

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Hi Jodi:

I guess all I can do is tell you what I believe. I believe that our love for our loved ones endures. It is what we are when everything else falls away. It is our connection to the divine. When you love your mom she takes that with her to a being that is love. We still have to deal with the grief here. Sometimes I wonder if grief is just love that is perceived differently here on earth.

I guess I am just rambling. I hope that you find a comfortable place in life as you deal with the loss of your mom.

Don M

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Jodi,

I am so sorry for how you are feeling. :(

I pray that you don't lose your faith at this time, as God has a plan to work for you and for your family. I don't know if this is how you believe, but I know it is for me...when people pass away, I firmly believe God needs them. He wants them for something. Then I think, wow, because that means the ones I love are actually helping God. :o

I also think that your mom is with you...I know that sounds bizarre...but think of this...when you go to heaven you have complete happiness...well, we all know your mom didn't want to leave you...so she didn't have to! :D As Don said, she is enjoying the biggest family reunion ever! We cannot begin to understand God's "time"...look at what he created in one week!

Of course, that still leaves you here, waiting to join her...but heaven isnt' on earth...it is in heaven!

I don't know if I helped at all or just confused the heck out of you...but only when you have peace about this will you move forward.

God Bless you Jodi...please take care.

:D Jen

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Jodi -

That is the one thing I know or 100% -- that our mothers are in a better and glorious place. My mom actually told me she "was excited to start the journey, she didn't want to leave, but she only had a tiny glimse of what was ahead."

Read 90 Minutes in Heaven or the book Heaven -- the latter provides a very deailed look about what the Bible really tells us about Heaven.

I absoluely believe that I have received signs from my Mom or God that she is o.k. -- you have to pray for them and be open...I had a couple of experiences when I have been most down that there are no explanations for except that my mom is in heaven.

It has only been weeks for you. Your job is to breathe each day and find moments of joy in each day. Jodi, the heartache doesn't diappear (at least it hasn't for me), but it is a little less raw. I have to constantly remind myself I went from crying for her when she was sick to truly crying for me that I miss her.

My mom taught me more about faith than any church ever could...she would want me to tell you right now that "now is the time you turn to God and let Him know you are wavering... you will receive strength."

All my love,

Holly

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Jodi I know what you are experiencing right now. It is normal I think. Debs Religion is different from ours and I did not really understand a lot. I am PresMethLutheran a little of everything. DEb told me 3 weeks before she passed she was tired and was going to the light if she saw it. She was not going to turn around looking for it though. We decided to be ok with that. On 1/23/2006 she saw the light and ran as fast as She could. About a week later I found a Book from her Religion which was Eckankar since 1989 or around there. The name of the Book was called Conquering Your Fears by Sri harold Klemp the leader of Eck as we called it for short. I know she was scareds and admire her courage to do what she did in the peace of her Hospital room. Easter Morning I got up early to go to a Sunrise 6 am service at the Cemetary where she is buried. When I left there was a BIG Ole Bunny eating on the Front lawn at 530 in the morning. My nickname for her was Honey Bunny. Every Night before I go to Bed I go outside with daisy and I talk to Deb and tell her about my day. I know if I look up, she is right over me all the time at work Home or the grocery store. God does have a plan for every single one of us. Unfortunately; we do not know the plan until He decides to tell us the plan. He does that Face to Face. We do not know the plan, and can only wait to find out what it is. I do not know if this helps you or not. I hope it might. I will say a prayer for you. Also just remembered this Link and This may help you some. Click on the Link to check it out;

http://www.beyondindigo.com/

I do hope this helps, and saying prayers for you. I have been down the road you speak of. Sending Joy and happiness and Understanding for ya! :)

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The first weeks after I hustled around immersing self in work writing thank yous and returning phone calls. Writing the story of the "end" was helpful for me cuz it gave me a way of not having to recite it everytime ....my nearest and dearest know the story from my perspective and that was good.

I hated that I wasn;t present for the cleaning and sorting dad's room. Living 1200 miles away is hard...so mom did most of it alone which was tough cuz everytime I called we'd be in tears.

I am lucky to have a close family and the connections are tight. Going to grieve counseiling doesn't interest me.....but if O couldn't talk to my family and if they weren't into sharing our feelings and crying with me then I would need help.

This has been the hardest week. I very much missed hearing his voice wishing me happy birthday. This alone has totaly undone whatever pretense of "dealing with it" I had.

But I rallied....being a good actress helps. At school my teacher friends and student were sweet sweet sweet to me and my neighbors were very loving and kind too. Only my family knows (and you good folks now) how much I was hurting that day. My mom's card was just the most toouching card---and I have many from her---I have ever gotten.

So advice?

Stay true to the 4 Agreements

agreement 1

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

agreement 2

Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

agreement 3

Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

agreement 4

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

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I Think my advice would be to just be real with yourself... be real with God--whatever your understanding of him. If you're having trouble believing in Him or heaven right now, ask for help...

It's normal to feel shaky in your faith at these times. Very, very normal. Your foundations just got cracked... But stay open and keep being honest.

I believe our loved ones are still "alive" somewhere else... The reason for that is just because I Can't imagine them NOT being. HOw can something as wonderful as my mother--and your mother just not be? I also see the transformation of winter to spring as evidence... It seems the natural cycle that after death, things are reborn.

My advice about the grief counseling/support group is this--find the RIGHT one. I still haven't... Truthfully I gave up looking. But if it doesn't feel right after a fair amount of time trying, look elsewhere or else it can really be counterproductive.

((((hugs)))) to you. Breathe in, breathe out... Repeat. That's your job right now. Pretty soon you won't have to keep reminding yourself to take the next breath.

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Hi Jodi

I have to agree with everyone who has replied to you. I am very glad you will be seeking some help to deal with your grief. It has been almost 5 months now since Brad passed and I miss him so much but I know the pain and suffering is over for him and that he is at peace. He had an amazing outlook and attitude right to the end and I am very thankful and fortunate that he shared that with me.

I, like Randy go out at night and talk to him. I believe Brad is with me and always will be and that he is listening. I "feel" his presence so often and although I cannot explain that, I take such comfort in it.

Time is our best ally in dealing with the overwhelming feelings sometimes. It DOES get easier, I cannot tell you it ever goes away completely, but it becomes bearable. I think the single most helpful thing I did to get past the roughest spots was to keep a journal. Somehow being able to write the feelings down helped to get them semi~out in the open and more manageable.

My thoughts are with you...

Hugs,

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