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Pls explain these end of life symptoms


thrashej

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To those of you who have already lost someone to cancer.....

At the end, can you tell me what happened with them cognitively and pysiologically? I went to see my Dad in hospice yesterday and he seemed very agitated in the AM (up, down, stand, sit, up..he is also on Ativan). He is very quiet and mostly looks around like he "doesn't get it". He will make a comment every now and then when you ask him but there is no feeling behind it. His eyes look different too. Then, in the afternoon, he laid down in his bed and just started staring at nothing. His breathing has become erratic and can stop for a bit. This happened when he first laid down. We actually thought he died right then. I was about ready to lose it. but he didn't. He stared off for a while, like he was watching TV but he wasn't. But he was not asleep either. Then, out of the blue, he asked me if I liked boats. ????? The TV had nothing about boats on it, we were not talking about boats. Very weird.

He does have brain mets but how do you know if what is happening is from brain mets, death imminent, or the switch from oxycontin to methadone?? he ate a bit, just some fruit and is still drinking liquids (not much).

Has anyone experienced this? How long before they actually die do they have "the look of death".?? Yesterday was a VERY scary day for me... :(

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I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family. I know how scared you are and your need for information.

My husband died 8 weeks ago today. He had LC that had settled in his liver. Every case is going to be different. Ken was very mentally out of it, the last week especially. He would say things that made no sense, be very confused about medication, sometimes think he was in the hospital when he was home. I knew the end was near when he stopped eating completely and only took small drinks. He went into a coma with very labored, loud breathing. We were able to help this a bit by putting his oxygen on and giving him a liquid medicine (can't remember name) and his liquid morphine. This state only went on a few hours. I think you will probably know when the end is getting close. Just make sure you tell him everything you need to now, even if you do not think he understands.

This is a very hard time for you, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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My heart goes out to you right now, it is the most difficult thing I have ever done....my Dad has been gone 13 days....I know that every person is different but it helped me to know what "signs" to look for. My Dad became very agitated in his last days, mainly moving around,taking blankets off, I finally had a meeting with his doctors about increasing the ativan...hoping to calm him. They did adjust the dose and it helped. He would respond on and off for the next few days. I spent a great deal of time talking to him...although there was no response, I felt he could hear me. I read to him,played his favorite CDs, just talked about my kids, anything. In the last 2 days he didnt respond at all. He had very little change until his last moments, labored breathing. He was very peaceful.

My prayers are with you...

NancyT

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My heart breaks for you. Can hospice give you something that details the end of life symptoms? i have our "book" in front of me and will briefly summarize (and note what my mom did.) Stoppage of food and liquids: my mom decided she didn't want much, so we used a dropper to give her water and keep her mouth moist -- less interest in immediate surroundings: felt like my mom was making peace with lots of things and would stare into the distance-- agitation: we used xanax, part of this is the body beginning to shut down -- speaking things that may not make sense: in and out thoughts -- we definitely experienced this -- breath stopping and starting (irratic) -- death rattle: sounds like something is caught in their throat but there is nothing there.

My mom experienced a lot of this like clockwork and was in various stages for two days (the stopping of eating and drinking happened 5-6 days before she died.) If he is not short of breath, etc most likely his body will just start shutting down in various ways.

Even though this stuff was going on, she was very responsive at times -- and conversations with us I will cherish forever. About 12 hours before she died, she seemed to be somewhere else, but we talked to her constantly, held her hand, told her she was embarking on an amazing journey.

I am so sorry, this is such a scary time -- but you will NEVER regret being there as painful as it may be. And at least for us, there was such peace in her passing.

All my love and prayers are with you and your family,

Holly

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So sorry you are going throught this, you are in my prayers. Weeks before mom passed she mostly just stared and slept. But once she quit eating and drinking things went pretty quickly. She also had the death rattle. Mom did not talk much at the end, but the day she died she tried to talk more than she had in weeks. Unfortunately she was never able to get the words out so we couldn't understand her.

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Here is my story: This is so hard to write but i will anyway. On 1/22/2006 I left Debs Hospital Room. Her vital stats were normal if not elevated. We said Good nite and I will see you tomorrow and of course I Love you. We did this every night for almost 9 years even before she was sick. At 245 on 1/23/2006the nurses checked her stats and they were normal as had been the case. Thety gave her a morphine for pain and a brething treatment like an iinhaler. She finished that at 250 in the morning. She gor out of bed at 255 and when the nurse walked by at 300 am she heard no gurgling which was Debs breathing pattern. They called Me at 306 on 1/23/2006.

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Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it.

Well, hospice feels that Dad is getting close to not being able to make decisions for himself (due to brain mets). We asked him whether he wanted to stay at hospice or come live with me and he can't reply to it. He says he needs to "think about it" and looks very confused. When we approach him again with it we get the same answer. We asked him if he liked being at hospice and he looked at us, confusingly, and said "NO". So.....hospice told us that we very well might have to decide what we think he would want. We talked about it and have decided that he would most likely want to be at my house, around family. The aids at the hospice told us that he won't even let them hold onto his arm when he is walking. That he won't let them touch him. So.....since we CAN touch him, albeit not enough, my house might be better.

I am trying to deal with all this. I have school and work on top of it. Trying to figure out which one to eliminate. We will need to hire a nurse for part of the evenings I think, atleast if I stay in school (it is nursing school and important). I have a lot to figure out right now. Time for a heart to heart with hubby. He said it was OK for Dad to come live here but when I told him the reality he did not seemed to thrilled. I mean, what can I do? I know no one LIKES it, but I don't want to put my 60 year old Dad in a long term care facility. I have seen those places and I know he wouldn't feel comfortable there. Hospice really is only short term and if not, would cost $150 per day.

Next couple of days they are delivering to me a hospital bed, bedside commode, the works. I have to clear out a room and start cleaning to make it feel as "homey" as possible. Lotsa work and school on Friday and Saturday. I am exhausted already and I haven't even started...

Everyone keeps asking me if I am prepared to do this. Well, excuse me, but how do I know??? I mean, how can you really know? All I know is I want my father to be comfortable in the last phase of his life and that I love him. THAT IS ALL.

Anyone have any advice for me???

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It is really good that you can take your father in. However, I really recommend trying to find someone who can also come stay with you to help.

The last few days were extremely difficult with my husband. Due to extreme confusion he would refuse to take his meds, insisting that I had just given them to him. The look he gave me once just broke my heart, I could tell he thought I was trying to hurt him. Thank God, he was not in a lot of pain. He also did not understand that he could not get out of the bed and walk by himself. Sometimes he was very resentful of anything I tried to do. I finally called our oldest friends who lived 3 hours away to ask them to come help, they came right away. Without their help I probably would have had to put him in the hospice facility. Sometimes he thought he was there.

If there is anyone you know who could come stay for awhile please try to get them. It is a physically and mentally exhausting time and you will need all the help and support you can get. The one thing I can assure you of is that you will never regret doing this for your father. I will keep you in my prayers.

Karen H

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You are doing the right thing and will never regret it. Please try and get someone to help you -- even if it just a family friend who can be with him when you are not. Of course you are not prepared, there is no way you could be, but I believe you are being led to make these decisions --- I did many of the same things, quit a great job, moved from CA to UT, and ended up having my baby with a different OB in a state other than where I live -- YET, I am so happy I did. I lamented so much in the beginning over decisions, and then they all became very clear...after that I never looked back. You can do this - and you will find a way to do it.

Thinking of you. You are a truly amaing daughter, and I am positive that your dad is so very proud.

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How difficult this is. But you are doing the right thing by bringing your dad to your house. This is a decision that you will be comfortable with always.

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and my peace be with you. I pray he will be made comfortable and pain free.

We are always here for you.

Maryanne

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