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Round 6 , but not my fight this time.


shelliemacs

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Well again the beast has targeted someone close to me. My mom and dads best friend, Linda. Her and her husband were my parents next door neighbors for over 20 years. Since we bought and moved into mom and dads house she has been like a mom to me. She sends food over and baked goods all the time. She even babysits my rabbit when I am away.

We found out Friday night that she has a melon sized mass on one of her ovary's. The doctor tells her he isn't sure its cancer yet, but its huge and must come out very quickly.

I have read that OC is like LC and by the time the symptoms appear, its late stage. She is 49 and very very scared.

I tried to find the comforting words but I am not sure where my boundry is this time. Its not my blood family and I can't barge my way into her treatment like I did with mom, dad and my sister.

I want so bad to step in and take over but It hasn't been asked for yet and it probably wont be.

I am sad, so sad that there is so much cancer out there. There is no rhyme or reason. I feel like the JAWS movies where by Jaws 3 the mother fealt that the shark was targeting her family.

She talked to me saturday about where all her life insurance papers were and what her husband would have to take care of.

a nurse at work here today told me sometimes OC can go very fast if its late stage.

How do I help now. How do I help her fight and become her patient advocate when its not my family.

then again...do I if its not my war?

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Shelly,

Boy, this wasn't something I wanted to see from you.......or ANYONE for that matter. Your question seems to be..........how do you DO for her since she isn't your family member. Well, Shelly, what about just ASKING her what she would like you to do? Does she have family to take over and pitch in? Sounds like you are very close to her since she was going over paperwork and the like. Maybe she would LOVE your assistance, but is reluctant to ask due to your extensive family history with cancer. She may not want you to have to visit there again. If you want to help..............offer yourself. If she wants it, she can accept. I would LOVE if you were MY neighbor offering to help out......but then that's just me!

Your heart is in the right place. Just be sure that if she accepts, it is where you truly WANT to be at this time, Shelly. You've been through so much ~ be sure before you make that leap.

And just one more thing........you know there is always the possibility that it isn't cancer at all. Let's hold onto that concept until you hear for sure.

Kasey

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Sometimes benign tumors of the uterus get huge like that -- so lets hope she is fine. It would be nice if you helped with laundry, lawn work etc. during her recovery from surgery. I would say make dinner and take it over but I remember you're not a cook. :lol: Let us know how she does.

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I know someone who had a huge huge huge ovarian mass that turned out to surprise the dr and not be cancer.

Also one of my friend's mom had a 20cm mass removed from her ovary last year, it was ovarian cancer, and she is in remission now.

It seems like we are always surroudned by this beast. Let us know how her surgery is.

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I do agree with RY

People can always use a hand with chores, and errands and things that make their everyday lives easier, so that they can deal with their illness.

I have learned the hard way with my brother that not everyone WANTS help. Backing off is the hardest thing I've ever done and not knowing everything and not being (in control :wink: )his advocate twists my stomach into knots!

I think I would let her know that you are available for her if she needs/wants an advocate- someone to research and help her get the medical care she deserves...after that, it's up to her.

And remember what the others have said about the possibility of it not being cancer at all.

Praying for the best.

Hugs,

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I would Make the offer to help and also remember that an ear to listen and a Dry shoulder to cry on can be a great source of comfort and suppport. Sending Prayers for everyone.

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Shelly,

Don't offer to help. Everyone OFFERS - "let me know if you need help, anything..." Not many DO. Don't offer to mow her lawn, keep going when you're mowing your own. Don't offer to fix her dinner when/if she's going through treatments, just show up with something like lasagna that can be refrigerated and warmed the next night if something is already in the oven.

...as for her planning, don't take over. It's a different battle, nothing you're all too familiar with. Suggestions were she to have been diagnosed with lung cancer is one thing, but taking over something personal is a bit too pushy. If you thought it was hard to get information about your parents...

...and it could all be nothing malignant, just big. It's not always cancer when it looks ugly. Here's hoping she'll just have minor treatment for an big ugly and after a few days of recovery and rest is back to sharing cookies and stories.

Take care,

Becky

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You all right. I told her and her husband that just leave me a list and it will be done.

She is going into surgery either late this week or early next week. Last night I went over and grabbed their dog leash and took the dog for a walk so they know he is comfortable with me.

Becky, your advice is fantastic. I will be doing that. Their lawn may not look as pretty as they have it now, but it will get cut. And I can always bring food over. Heck I order out all the time and two extra helpings wont' hurt the delivery man.

I pray and hope its nothing and will post when I know.

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Think positive. Last year our then 29year old daughter's ob/gyn discovered a mass on her ovary.

She spent a few agonizing weeks being tested before it was decided that it was a water cyst and now it's gone.

I'm hoping for the same for your friend.

Geri

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Shelly,

My friend had a mass as large as a football, two years ago. It was cancer. Guess what it had not spread. She had stage 1. They removed it. She did chemo just as a precaution. She's doing great.

I agree with Becky, Just take her dinner or something. Everyone always says, let me me know if I can do anything. I never took anyone up on that. I bet most people on this board wouldn't ask for help either. But I always appreciated the times my friends showed up with dinner.

Best Wishes,

Dee

Dee

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