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Moving forward - just my thoughts


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To Peggy and all of us who have lost our spouses.

The last thing I am is shy, some of my friends have another word that rhymes with witchy. I decided when Earl died that I was not going to be relagated to the land of all women. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love my women friends and really have no desire to have a 'man' in my life - just not ready, not sure I ever will be. BUT, I did not want to be excluded from couples parties and going out to dinner with couples that were our friends.

I did not wait to be asked. I asked them to please not exclude me. Some people are afraid of a single woman around their husbands. I said that the last thing that I wanted was a man who left half of his money behind. My friends have included me - and I recipricate by having them to dinner at my house. When we go out, I pay my own way. Don't want them to stop asking because they have to pay my way. The only person who has not, is my very best friend. I just reminded her again on Monday that I wanted to go out to dinner with her and her long, long time boyfriend. 'Oh, yes, we will have to do that.'

Sometimes I get sad when all around me are couples. But I wouldn't give up the good conversation and fun times, this far outweighs the sad.

I guess what I believe in is that you get what you ask for. Just my 2 cents.

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I do not want to be excluded from my husband's friends(I am the first widow in the group)So I am planning a BBQ in Seattle during Memorial day weekend and inviting his(my?)circle of friends. I do recognize that some of the friends are very cautious around me and I respect that.When I call to their house I make sure or try to talk to the wife first before I talk to the husband. I do not want to lose the friendship,but I guess it will eventually happen. One couple took me under their wing and we get together as a threesome, the wife is the one that has become close to me.

When my husband was alive we used to get together with the single friends and that didn't seem to be a problem, but the reverse seems to be a problem. I don't know it is somewhat confusing and hard trying to get through this.

I also get sad when all around me are couples.....one day all of them will be in the same situation I am in. So I hope that they will have empathy and compassion for my position. I will plan or get myself invited to group functions.

This widow stuff is hard.


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