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Steel Magnolias


cindi o'h

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Reading posts. Good ones.

Coming back to some thoughts and feelings I have been having off and on for awhile now. That is all they are ...feelings. Someone told me that feelings are not to be judged. They are what they are.

Suddenly I started to think of the movie, Steel Magnolias. The scene in particular where the girlfriends are all depressed and quiet after the funeral of Shelby. Sally Field goes into an angry tirade she is so mad that her daughter is gone. She is screaming and crying that she just wants to hit something... anything!

Clairee (Olympia Dukakis) says "HIT THIS!!!" (as she pushes the startled Ouiser (shirley MacLaine) in front of her clenched fist!

There are some tense seconds (the audience is in tears and now shock) and then the Magnolias bust up laughing and doubled over from the nonsense.

I feel this way sometimes. I just want to let loose! (not hit anyone) But, I want to throw eggs or kick someone's yappitty dawg. (not that I could).

How do we get rid of the steam in a safe way. This team of women did it right...tension. Thank God for Ouiser to kick. And then laughter till the belly hurts.

And by the way... where the heck is Fay A. when we need her. She was so good at verbalizing valid anger. Her 1-3 days off, curtains pulled, shades drawn, strumming her crazy instrument, her scotch neats, singing and all that. She gave herself permission to be miffed X10..Sometimes I was in the mood to join her, other times I was at polar opposites.

With all that we have gone through, and are going through, isn't it okay every once in awhile to break a window? beat the holy hell out of a pillow? scream in the shower?

I need to slough off/ shake something so that I can reclaim the "me" that is a bit easier for me to live with.

GRRRRRRRRRR!

Anyone else feel this way?

Now where's that dang Ouiser?

Cindi o'h

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You are so right Cindi. Don't think anyone could have said this better than you. Right about now, I'd like to whack the heck out of something...just not sure what it might be. We've all talked a lot about anger on this board many times before. How in the heck can anyone deal with this monster of a disease, whether patient or caregiver, and not be as mad as hell about all we go through? BTW...Steel Magnolias is one of my favorite movies. I still stop and watch it every time I see it when I'm channel surfing.

Right now, I'm mad because my FIL has been diagnosed with very advanced pancreatic cancer. Chemo and radiation are going to be uses as pallative care because surgery is completely out of the question. I'm so angry that my boys are now going through this pain all over again....losing someone to cancer. Their GF is 77 years old and they understand that all life ends on some note. Now, I think they're reliving their dad's death more than living with their GF's illness. Who am I angry at??? Not sure. I'm afraid to be mad at God. So...who???

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You have no idea how many emotions I just need to let loose right now... And have for so long. I just wasn't able to without Andy... adn being at Dad's... And now I have all of this stuff piled up, and I don't know what to do with it.

So sign me up for some Quisa-wacking, and some uncontrollable sobbing too.

((((Cindi)))) You are so right.

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Anyone else feel this way?

You bet! In fact, I let out some anger against someone in a post here today that was against someone NOT on this board. The time and place of the post were both inappropriate and I have just now deleted my words. Right now, a water gun would be totally inadequate for that person. A pressure washer would be my weapon of choice!

Love to all,

Peggy

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Hi Cindi,

I love that movie and I know how you feel. I now

work on the 5th floor of a high rise. I have been running up and down the stairs two times a day, so that's 10 flights. It helps with the anger and the lung volume. It take me several minutes to catch my breath , but it helps relieve that tension.

Mare

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To me that is one of the most powerful scenes ever and as I have "grown up" in the last years, I understand more and more what was going on there.

I have the DVD with the interview with Robert Harling, the author of the play and screen play. He said that the scene comes from the fact that his sister would be the one to do something outrageous when things got too serious or tragic feeling. She felt that everyone needed to come out of these times with laughter in order pick up the pieces and continue on. I know those are not his exact words but I think that is the gist of what he said.

I agree there are certainly times when I need a Quisa (sp?). And there are times when I need the Clairee to move in and make me laugh.

The funny thing is that when I have gotten to missing my dad terribly, I will inevitably think of something that he did or said that was funny and I end up laughing ... so maybe he is telling me something.

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Thanks Cindy for reminding me about my bat and how i love to strap on my *ss busting boots and wrazzle with the beast.

I have been battle weary lately,,,I must admit.

Hurts and healing wounds...dreams and hauntings.

Mythic stuff this cancer calls up. '

That is why connecting to each other and telling stories is good. I want to help and support others. I want to dispell the fear and stay in the real.

Thanks Cindy.

Let me blow off the dust on my bat.

Pulling on the boots with the spikes.

Just let me know if I get too berserker on this evil beast.

I hates the cancer so much.

Eppie

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Oh yes and I actually threw some shoes this week, not at anyone, but at the wall. It didn't help. I just felt stupid! Wish I could have laughed at myself, but I was too mad.

Here are my evil (I can't believe I'm telling anyone this) thoughts. If any of my mom's "friends" cry when she is gone, I will personally smack them. I envision myself giving a eulogy that makes them all feel guilty when I blabber on about how you have to live life today. I've been pissed about no one visiting mom. Makes me mad, sick and disgusted...

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Lori--One of my coping mechanisms is having elaborate conversations in my head with people that I feel have wronged me or my family. Since Mom got sick, and since her passing they have become VERY, VERY elaborate.... And then I imagine what they said back and I get even madder. I catch myself in the shower getting really angry and go--Wait... Such and such didn't REALLY say that. :lol:

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Thank you all.. I was beginning to think I was losing what little mind I had left here lately. The anger, at least with me, tends to sneak up when I am least expecting and least prepared to deal with it. It is reassuring to know it is at least "normal". I think I need to invest in a new dvd.. I am almost ashamed to admit I have never seen that movie :shock:

Hugs to all, and thank you so much for being here....

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I actually have to add something about that movie. I have three favorite scenes: 1. The one that Cindi mentioned, 2. The one with Weezer giving the dad the "butt end" of the armadillo cake and his "piece of *ss" line, and 3. When Clareece pushes Weezer off the bench. LOL! GREAT MOVIE! I, too, have watched it over and over and over.

Peggy

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Lori,

I'm so with you on the eulogy making your mom's "friends" feel guilty about being so absent right now.

I must admit that I did that to some of my family members. I ripped them up and down during my dad's last days. They all came when he had day's left to live...but where were they the entire year before? NO ONE helped me, NO ONE bothered to ask any questions or come to any appointments or even mow a lawn or cook a meal......Boy did I have alot of pent up anger- even for my sisters who lived in a different state who'd call once a month for an "update".

I always brought up memories and events and fun times that didn't include them (because they were NOT here) JUST to make them feel bad.....OK call it passive aggressive....but I totally get what you're saying.

I would have heated fights with them in my head too, like Val said she does, just to make myself feel better---only instead of working myself up with them arguing back with me, I imagined them breaking into wrecking sobs and apologizing profusely for being selfish rotten stinky people. THEN I felt better :D

HEHE

((Hugs))

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My LEAST FAVORITE phrase these days is "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know". It makes me nuts when people say that. I feel like saying "Well, then why don't you visit mom or make her a meal-Just do it!!"

Glad to know I am not evil, maybe just overwhelmed and slightly pissed...

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Maybe you should say JUST THAT, in a calm tone, when someone says "If there's anything I can do..." Sometimes it pays to say EXACTLY what you think. It might wake them up.

I have gone thru, and still go thru, alot of anger myself over my situations over the past few years. I understand perfectly what anger CAN do to you; I usually have a good cry, shout abit and then do my best to let it go. ((())) I'll pray for you and your Mom.

Joanie

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This seems to be the place (Thanks, Cindi! :D ) to be able to say...Mom asked me if I thought the news paper would print in her Obit (when it came time)...

"I'd like to thank all of those who were helpful during my illness...the rest can kiss my *ss"

We finally came to the decision that they probably wouldn't print it. *sighs* However, I told her that if she REALLY wanted it said...I'd make it into a GIANT sign and put it up at her house (which anyone can see coming to or from her town!) so that it was out there. :lol:

She decided that those she wanted to kiss her *ss wouldn't realize it was meant for them, anyway, so I might as well forget about it. THOSE are the one's I'd like to beat the hell outta right about now. I know (as does Mom) that they're trying their best to show her how much they care about her...but at the same time...sometimes they can be horribly insensitive or worse...overbearing.

Thanks for reminding us it's OK to be a bit pis*y about it all!

Hugsss and many prayers and tons of love...

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Oh my God, Missy!

You girls are tooo much! Loves it.

Sue, you are a riot! I love your humor.

This thread has helped me so much. I am feeling alot better than I was a couple days ago. I was coming apart at the seams. Everything was so jumbled up. Glad I can come here and let off some steam when I need to and glad I am not alone.

By the way, isn't anger supposed to be part of grief? My friggin grief seems to be ongoing...loss of this...loss of that.. and not supposed to whine about it. Baloney.. gotta gripe sometimes. And then after the gripe, back to my perky little self...(that is where I am most comfortable)

love all of ya'll

Cindi o'h

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