Mothers Day SUCKED

[Mskim]

Nice educated language there huh?

My step dad still hasn't put moms ashes at a cemetary so I had to go to their house to see her on the dang mantle. I want a place to go private where I can talk to her... even if it is a head stone.

My heart hurts so much. I just wish I could see and talk to her. My life has a huge hole in it.

In the meantime my step dad seems to be quite well. He has even removed his wedding ring. All along he said he was fulfilling his obligation to her and honoring his wedding vows but after a year of taking care of her I think he was done and he is quite relieved. The difference for us I think is Mother Daughter LOVE is unconditional. I mean I know he loved her but their relationship changed from partners to caregiver/patient and he was weary. I on the other hand would have helped her forever if I had to. I only had her during the days though. I wish I could have some days back.

[Treebywater]

((((Kim)))) I'm sorry it was such a hard day for you.

I think some Daddy's do things differently. I know mine seemed to need to distance himself from all that happened as soon as possible. If it was a bad headspace day for me I sometimes translated that into, "I thought Dad loved Mom... what's going on?" But overall, I think in reality it hurts him SO MUCH that he can't bear the reminders of it.

I'm sure your Dad does miss your Mom terribly and I'm sure he loved her right to the end and loves her still now. Maybe it just hurts him to live in that right now.

((((hugs)))) to you.

[flwrjunke]

Kim,

I'm sorry Mothers Day was so hard for you. I had a hard time too. I also feel like there is a huge hole in my life, and my heart and nothing will ever replace it.

On Mothers day my husband, son and I played golf at a course that we had taken Mom to before she was sick. She always loved playing at new courses. I have a a picture of her and I on this bridge that looks like the Augusta Bridge so yesterday I got a picture of my son and I on the same bridge. She always said she would live on through us, so I figured a day of golf at this course would be the perfect way to spend the day.

Is there a special place that you and your Mom shared or a place that reminds you of Her? Could you use that as your place to talk to her until SF gets around to putting her ashes at the cemetary? I don't know if this would work for you but I do think that where ever you are, she will hear you.

Please know I'm thinking of you.

Patty

[ztweb]

I am so sorry to hear this. Cancer is such a devastating disease. It has a MONSTER affect on families. I always think about what it would feel like to have my husband have this...my partner for life, and I think how devastating it would be. I imagine for your step dad it has its devastation too...I am so sorry. I pray for you and for your family. Your mom is so lucky to have a dedicated child. God bless you.

[hollyanne]

Hi -

yep, Mom's Day was hard for a lot of us...yet you got through it right? That is what I remind myself of when the days are so difficult. You are so new to this "loss thing" -- I didn't believe it, but time does help a little bit...it feels a little less raw. Not to say that there aren't days when I just want to curl up and die...yet those are less frequent.

Could you ask your SF for some of her ashes? My mom's are with my dad, but I am thinking about having some with me. As far as he goes...everyone grieves differently...he loved her of course -- but she gave birth to you! Your tie will last forever and ever.

Lots of love,

Holly