A letter to my best friend.......

[lisaRN]

When does this get easier? It is so hard.... I miss you so much Ahmed. Thursday was our 18th wedding anniversary, and i am so lonely without you. I'm tired. I am so tired of trying to be strong for everyone. I am so tired of missing you. I cry when i think of you, when i smell you, when i see your face.... when i dont. I need you here to take care of me the way you always have. I need you, I need you.

My soul is reaching for you my friend.... my best friend, my love. I wish i were beside you now. This journey we take through life is such a punishing quest. I wonder why. Please tell me why?

Lisa

.....

[adela]

I am feeling what you have written. The emptiness and loneliness is very difficult.

Adela

[kreed70]

Lisa~

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, thank God that you and your son are surviving all of this. You are in my prayers.

Kelly

[RandyW]

Lisa it has been a while but glad you are doing ok as ok can be. That probably does not sound right but it is if you think about it. I know the pain you are having. Was 3 weeks short of 9 years of wedded bliss. 9 years without a fightis pretty good ya know. I know that nothing anyone can say will ease your pain. that is impossible. Pain hurts and is caused by emptiness and loneliness of not having someone. remember that even though people die, love never will. it will remain in your heart forever. that is the beauty of love it never goes away. It causes pain and the next minute causes great joy. If it helps any, here are some things that help me when I get in the Funk as I call it because that is what it is a Funk of the blues. Remember that if you look up your hubby is right above you standing tall and looking over you and your son. He is always there 24/7. If you ever want to talk and if you are like me you always do look up and start talking. He is listening. Trust me on that one. I also go outside at night and talk to Deb under the nite time sky. when the stars and the moon are out it is so nice to grab a beer or glass of wine and sit on the patio and talk. It does help I think. I hope in between my bad typing that there is something in here tat will help you. oh and I also downloaded Google Earth and Marked her Gravesite. I can visit anytime w/o going out if I choose. I Will say aprayer for ya and hope that maybe I have helped in some small way.

[MsC1210]

Lisa I sent you a pm as well... Randy, I am so very glad that I am not the only one outside at night talking to the stars. Lisa, that has been very therapuetic for me as well. I know there is nothing at all that can be said that will take away the pain you feel but please know we are all here for you and we do care.

Sending you love, prayers and hugs,

Chris

[Linus]

Oh,god Lisa. My heart is just breaking right now for you. I am so very sorry that you are in so much pain. I will pray that you may find some kind of comfort.

[ma's kid]

My prayers as well, Lisa.

Libby

[stand4hope]

Dear Lisa,

Like Randy said, there just aren't any words that will make it go away. If there were, I would use them on myself.

It's funny that they mentioned talking to the stars. I haven't actually done that, but I did have a long talk with Don in the car a couple of weeks ago, and it really was therapeutic. I don't know that I believe that he heard me, but it made me feel better just doing it.

I talked to him about our son, my job, all my worries and fear, about how I didn't know whether to stay in the house or sell it, and I also gave him heck for not teaching me how to do a lot of things or telling me where things were.

It sounds like we're all alike with this, Lisa. The overwhelming sadness blindsides us, usually when we least expect it. I, too, sometimes think that I'm tired of telling people I'm ok. I'm not ok. But, then again, I am ok. It's just up and down, up and down.

Hang in there, Lisa, everyone promises that it really will get better with time.

Love you,

Peggy