SBeth Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Jeff (my teenager) and I opened our swimming pool over the weekend. When we opened up a five-gallon drum of chlorine tablets we found a handwritten note from Bill. It was instructions on what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who to call if we couldn't do it. It tore me up. I remembered last fall when we closed up he pool; it was just a few days after signing on with Hospice and it was a chilly afternoon in October. My brothers-in-laws came over to blow the air out of the lines, take off the hand rails and ladder...all the stuff that needed to be done. Jeff was pretty good about knowing what to do, but he still needed some help. Bill had to give out the instructions. He was all bundled up in his pajamas and his robe and we had to run his oxygen line out thru our bedroom window to him seated in a patio chair. I so clearly remember that day and staring at him and wondering what I would do when spring arrived and it was time to open our pool. It breaks my heart to know that the same thoughts were running thru his mind and he knew he would not be here come Spring. In the last months he was alive, he had such terrible tremors from the WBR that he was barely able to hold a fork, let alone an ink-pen. I remember when he signed the Hospice paperwork...it took him so long to just sign his name on the first form. The Administrator told him that if he wanted, it would be okay for me to sign on his behalf. He just looked at her at told her that he didn't want me to sign, because he knew in his heart that I didn't want him to go with Hospice (that was true then, but I have no regrets now). As I sat there holding his full page of notes I can only wonder where I was when he spent so much of his precious time writing these instructions. The notes are barely legible, and are simple instructions on how to open/close the swimming pool...but they mean the world to me. I miss him so much. I miss the way he loved me and I cannot believe that anyone in this world will ever love me like that again. Thanks for listening to my grief. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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