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One Year Anniversary of Mom's Death

Kel M

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I can hardly believe that a whole year has passed; that it represents 365 days, 52 weeks or 12 months of life after Mom died on May 24, 2005. It's hard for me to appreciate the fact that I'm still here - I really thought that a part of me had died right along with her that day.

After the numbness of her death wore off, it hurt to breathe. I felt physical pain at the idea of never seeing her again and I begged God to make the pain go away. Needless to say, my pain wasn't to be 'managed' that way.

I learned to embrace my grief, realizing that it was now a part of me. I cried, I wrote angry journal entries and I even devoured grieving books - all in the hopes that my world would make sense again. I felt lost; alone even.

With more time, I realized that a part of me hadn't died right along with Mom. Instead, her spirit was blossoming in me. I found myself using her expressions as well as hearing (and heeding!) her words of advice. She's inside me - my very own moral compass internalized!

Before she died, Mom made me promise to live a good life and to be happy. I would have promised her anything at that point, but a year later, having made it through the fog of grief, I can fully appreciate what a 'good' and 'happy' life means to me.

I am so grateful to each and everyone of you, who in your own ways have sustained me with kind thoughts and words.

I am grateful to my family and friends for their love and support.

I am grateful to my Mom, for without her grace none of this would be possible.

I love you and miss you so very much, Sweet Pea.

Kels xo

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I know that I have said this before but it definitely worth repeating. When I die (although I believe that should say IF I die) I absolutely want my children to continue to live happy and useful lives. I just want them to remember me with a smile on their face, remember me with love and feel joy that I had been their Mother.

It looks like you are accomplishing this. Good for you, you are making your Mother happy,

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