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Unfreakingbelievable...

Those insurance bastards have determined that bc mom has not made any real progress that they are not covering any more therapy and no time at the nursing home. Now, do I have to remind you guys that mom's neurosurgeon set the expectation upfront that mom would be worse off for 2-3 months and then and only then be able to regain mobility/strength? I know we tried and had everything possible to support mom's therapy for the appeal, but I just can't believe they are doing nothing. The only way my mom would have insurance coverage at this point is if she was a hospice patient. Her oncologist included a letter stating that bc mom's cancer is systemically stable, she is not considered terminal, but that did not suffice.

Mom has been very very weak lately and not very motivated to even get up for her "maintenance therapy", so maybe I am being too unrealistic to think she could do inpatient therapy anyway. But, I just believe it is her choice to at least have the opportunity to try.

I have been feeling guilty lately bc I have not been going to see mom every day. My counselor was the one who recommended it so that I could take care of things for the move, which I have-packing, organizing, disposing, etc. My counselor also said that if I do less, SF may do more, but he is busy with packing his own house. My mom seems content with being there. She told me the other day that she would be happy to live alone and have visitors. I said well you have that here-are you getting used to it? She said yes. I asked if she still wanted to come home and she said yes. I was so relieved. I miss her so much.

SF and brother brought mom to Graden's kindergarten graduation and it was a catastrophe. They about killed her getting her into the truck (why in the hell did he bring the truck and not the car???) When I got there, they were already there and mom had a huge skin tear to add to her collection. She was bleeding and SF was so upset at how hard it was to lift her. I could see the defeat in his eyes. It had to be soooooooo weird for her to be in public. She has not been in public (other than hospitals) for ages. She got very mean with my father in law who is the biggest sweetheart. He has always been so kind to my mom and entire family. he is the same grandpa who calls me every Thursday evening to ask if the boys can come over to play Friday night. No kidding! Anyway she was very ready to go back to the nursing home and was talking about getting pizza. I mentioned we may need to sit in the ice cream parlor so that grandpa and grandma could eat with us and she blurted out that "I didn't invite him!" I was so embarrassed. I am not mad at her, but I am very concerned when she comes home about her anger. Mom is very mean to the aides at the nursing home. I am afraid we will be the target at my new house. John saw mom pull my son's hair, he is only 3, at the graduation.

I am trying to keep a larger perspective other than all of the little incidents, but I know I can come here and vent and y'all will listen...

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Oh Lor,

I am so sorry to read about all of your frustration. First...the boogers at the insurance company have to be insane! Why not give someone the chance to try? I don't get it!!!

Is your mom on antidepressants? That has been a HUGE thing for my dad. I am really impressed with how they are working. I assume it is standard fare, but you never know. Life is so hard.

I will pray for you Lori. Keep your chin up and know we support you here!

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Oh Lori,

I feel so bad. I really could not into anything long to tell you as I was at a funeral today of a sweet cousin and I have an early meeting tomorrow with my new company and I still have to print out a lot of correspondence to bring with me tomorrow.

But I feel it is important just for you to know that I am thinking of you and feel you pain.

I will talk to you more when I have more time. I just could not let this post go without letting you know how much I care.

Maryanne

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Lori...

First, the insurance ppl have GOT to be nuts!! *sighs* with you. I just wish I had any advice at all about it for you.

Is Mom still on decadron (or other)?? Sounds like she's just not herself and chances are there's SOMETHING going on. If it's not medication side-effects of some sort or another I'd second the opinion on trying antidepressants.

Great big hugs and much, much love to you and your family. Vent away, darlin...we're listening and sending up our prayers! xoxo

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Lori So sorrry about the insurance tthing gave it your best shot.sending prayers for family and Mom especially. Could the other outbursts be an yother med combos possibly? Sounnds like my dad sometimes. takes about 12 or 15 plls a day plus insulin. No cancer though. Another story!!

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So sorry to hear about the insurance denial, Lori -- you did everything you could!!!!

Hope your mom is OK from the public outing. Has your family received any sort of caregiver training on how to do things like safe transfers with mom? Is very important so that both your family and mom don't get hurt.

I haven't found a total solution to the anger thing yet myself -- could be meds, but also can be a part of the disease process (this dx can mess with body chemistry on its own causing that sort of behavior as well....so I found out a long while ago) or just plain overwhelming frustration for the patient coming out in outbursts. My mom is on an antidepressent and other antianxiety meds -- anger is still an issue on the table with physical "abuse" of others and myself not out of the question. Might be worth asking your counselor how to manage that one: not good for things like pulling your son's hair to be happening.

Take care sweetie,

Linda

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No true words of wisdom here. Just wanted to add to the chorus of "you did everything you could" in regards to the insurance!

I too wonder if the harse words said in fits of anger are from the disease. My Dad too, is increasing becoming more and more angry and hateful. I try to remind myself that he has battled a lot and continues to battle immense pain everyday.. so if he wants to be angry (and nasty) at least he is still here to do so! Though I admit that sometimes it is hard to recall this thought when he is yelling hateful things :wink: .

Getting Mom out and allowing her to do some "normal" activities sounds like a good thing, maybe things like this will be helpful.

Always know that you are doing what is best for your Mom and though she may not be able to tell you so often.. she love you and appreciates everything you do for her!

Cindy

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SF is paying out of pocket for a half hour of therapy (30.00 a pop) on Monday and Friday where either he or me or John goes and practices transferring her. The van is very difficult bc we have to lift her. She is unable to help at all, so we have to manhandle her. I wish there was a better solution for transportation.

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BTW,

I forgot to mention that mom is still on antidepressants and decadron. She is on a pretty low dose of decadron(for her). She is on 8mg per day. They have tapered her back down since coming out of the hospital, where she was on 40mg. Mom also takes 3 seizure meds, pain meds, insulin shots, and a lovenox shot daily.

I saw my counselor today and she said that mom does talk about her feelings there, but she noted that doesn't see any real change in her mental status since she started meeting with her a month ago. Don't get me wrong, mom has many reasons to be angry, hurt, scared and I am right there with her through all of that, but being mean just be ugly is something else. She has always done it, I just hope that she gets to a place of peace with life and enjoy the time we have together instead of being uptight and hirting each other's feelings. The cunselor keeps saying that lving together will not help and problems, she wonders why I think they'll change and thinks it may be worse. I have never done this and so I have no idea what to expect. I am pretty good at rolling with the punches though and so it shall be...

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Lori; I am sorry the insurance appeal did not work out. I guess all you can do is the one day at a time thing and take your counsleor's lead. I hope there are some good times in store for you all. You and your mom have my continued prayers.

Don M

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Lori I am so sorry the insurance people are such morons. I just can't believe it.

Also check with your hospital social worker, I know there are several organizations that do free transport services for cancer patients. Check with your doctor or hospital social worker to see if they are aware of one in your area. It would really save your backs and your mom's poor body too.

Lori, I am just so sorry for all that you are going through, and I pray that things get better soon.

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Hi Lori,

I am so dissapointed that the insurance company did not find in favor of continuing physical therapy for your mom. That stinks, big time.

What I am concerned about is the care your mom will get when she moves in with you. From what you said, she seems to need a lot of care with all her needs including all the shots and just getting her cleaned up. This will be quite a challange for you. Will you be getting help in daily to take care of her needs? You will not be able to handle this yourself.

I am asking as I had no idea she needed so much medication and injections daily along with all the physical care.

I am worried about you also as how you are going to handle this. You must make sure you have all your bases covered so there will not be any surprises that will cause you frustration by not being prepared.

You are in my prayers as always. I know how strong you have been through all of this. I just pray for you to keep that strength going and not crashing down. You are only human. I know that is your mom and you have to do what you have to do, but you will need help.

Sorry but I worry about you.

Maryanne

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Maryanne,

My counselor is saying the same thing. I will have my MIL, 2 boys, my job, and my mama. SF is moving in now too, so he will be there to help. When I told my counselor that I offered to work 3 long days to be off the other two, she asked why are you doing this Lori? Who are you doing this for Lori? She thinks that I should not make any decisions to save SF money, but I actually see spending 2 of my days taking care of mom as a reunion. I have missed her so much and the guilt of the nursing home taking care of her is unbearable. I am the one who wanted mom to come home and so this is the choice I have made/am making. Mom does have alot of needs and I know that we will need help, such as aides. SF will pay for it. It's just going to be a challenge to find good, reliable people. SF rants on and on about how he expensive this will be. It will be less than the nursing home. My counselor tells me not to worry about their money bc it is not my problem.

The counselor wants me and John to sit down and talk about expectations, such as my family sits down to dinner each night, how I do not want SF yelling at my kids, etc., but I think if we just survive together, it will be a victory.

I will need you guys I'm sure. I will have to get out of my head how "Brady Bunch" this will be, bc it probably won't. On the other hand, it may be much easier than we all think. I just don't know, have never done it, but am gonna try.

I feel very lucky to be able to help, it is a saving grace. When I can't do anything to help, that's when I get depressed. I feel very lucky to have my mama regardless of her very poor quality of life. When I think of Val, Holly, and Kim, I know they would give anything to be able to take care of their moms again, I feel very blessed. The details will work themselves out. I just have to believe it.

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Yes indeed......

Bless your heart Lori
!

I too am seemingly struggling with many of the same issues Lori, except that I am considering leaving my family and going to Az since my Dad is not strong enough to make the trip to OH. SM wants to look into nursing home care for him and I just cannot stand the thought of it when I am willing and able to help. DH and I talked about this early on and we both agree that it is important to spend the time NOW!!! So I have made arangements to work from AZ for the necessary time period and will likely head back in the next week or so. I can SO understand your feelings on all of this and wanted to offer my support, some thoughts and tons of prayers for your family.

You are right it likely will not be the "Brady" bunch but you will find a way to make it work. Something it seems to me to keep in mind.. is that it might not be perfect but you will make it work!! Somedays it may not seem like it is "working" .. but on these days you must have faith that in the long run it is.

I wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion of having a heart to heart with DH and setting some ground rules for everyone. In fact maybe even a weekly "family" meeting would be a great idea -- just to keep everyone focused and allow everyone to share their experiences and feelings openly.

God Bless you indeed Lori! Your mom (and your entire family for that matter) are very blessed to have you!!!

Cindy

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