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Why do they do this????


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My MIL went to see her Oncologist yesterday but didn't tell him that she is having a hard time breathing(she can't talk without getting out of breath), not being able to eat or that she's in pain. My FIL went with her and he tried to tell the Dr but MIL kept telling him to HUSH. She had to have a Procrit shot, Her red count was close to being to low.

I am doing everything I can for her but she will NOT let me go to the store for her, but she really doesn't need to go alone.

She stays in her bed 90% of the time when she's not in the bathroom SICK.

She has a PET scan on the 24th to see if the Traceva is working.I do plan on talking to my FIL about getting her to let me go to the store for her and see if he can call the Dr about the way she's feeling.

I knew I could come here for support and will try to post more often.

I can see she is starting to give up because she is so scared of going to the hospital that she isn't telling the Dr how bad she feels or how little she's eating.

She could only get a half a cup of Cereal down yesterday.

Tina

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Ok rightnow i can offer that in new meds there are studies involving other drugs celebrex and another with Tarceva Avastin being studied currently. there are options if something goes wrong with Tarceva. Deb went to Etoposide after Tarceva failed her. Mom needs to do something to try and eat and get something down Have you thought about Ensure or Smoothies fruit and Yogurt maybe? Quick thoughts right now. Pain need sto be addressed or she must have an incredibly high threshold by now. Is there any way you can communicate with Dr if she won't let yoou come with her and he could approach her on her own.? Phone Calls maybe? If she does not do something about alll this it could get worse. She may be afraid of Financiall burden? Couldbe afraid of what will happen if tarceva fails at scan time? Could be fear of unknown in general. These are my thoughts and I hope this may help you out. Lot on my plate and hope to hear from you soon. Sending prayers for comfort andpeace. Let me know if I can help you any way.

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oh my goodness!

I don't know why she is doing this.. yikes.

First couple of sentences you wrote, I thought, "oh, she is being superwoman" then, I see that she is in dire shape with the illness and not eating.

She must eat. Somehow. If not, the dr. needs to be alerted very soon! Dr. may have restrictions as to who they can discuss their patients' case with. But, as a family member, there are no restrictions as to what you tell the doctor.

Might be time to tattle.

Cindi o'h

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Hi -

Cindi and Don are right on -- nourishment is the first concern. I would have your FIL call the doctor ASAP and make sure everything is on the table. Also, if your FIL isn't ready to "tattle,' can you get HIPPA rights to dicuss your MIL with the onc? We had to treat food like medicine at times with my mom -- she simply knew she had to eat and drink -- and we looked for calories in everything -- even if it meant she ate candy and ice cream all day one day!

Thinking of you. This is so very tough.

Holly

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I had a talking to with her and told her plain out that if she did not feel better by Monday she had better call the Dr or someone else would. She did agree to call Monday. All she has ate today is 4 crackers and a Cup of Jello.

I went as far as reminding her how my mom starved to death(she had a blood infection made worse from not eating and died of Septis) she is remnding me of my mom.

She thinks she is super woman.

My FIL did not know about the Insurance needing Prior Auth. for the Zelform and if she does not call he will.

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My dad couldn't eat and lost a tremendous amount of weight. He was sick and severely weak and battled dehydration quite a bit.

Supplements helped, but what really helped him was the prescription MEGACE (Megestrol) One capful a day (It was really icky) worked wonders for him. He gained back 25 of the 30 pounds he had lost.

Not eating and vomitting usually can lead to dehydration. You can lose potassium and calcium levels drop and your body just begins to shut itself down.

Please get her into the dr. or ER. If it's just stubborness, maybe some FEAR of what CAN and WILL happen will work?

Prayers for her and all of you.

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Guest kathleen

Tina,

Its time to tattle! Life really is full circle and sometimes we kids have to step in when our folks won't do it for themselves.

I agree with Holly. If its candy or icecream that does the job then go for it. My Mom hates to drink water.....but sierra mist and cranberry juice she loves and ensure - we give her ensure with her meds and she drinks it to the last drop.

Her oncolgist needs to know how she is really doing and feeling. I would respect her wish to tell him on Monday but still maybe follow-up after her appointment and tell him your version of how she is feeling. If she is like my Mom at all, she sugar coats it. They ask my Mom if she has had headaches "no not really". But tells us of the sharp pains in her head! Be proactive - I don't think anything will prevent the oncologist from listening to what you have to say - where you need forms signed is for him to give out information.

Good lucky honey! Your MIL is lucky to have you :)

love,

kathleen

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Tina

I am sure that fear and denial are a large part of it. I can easily imagine myself in a situation where I maybe should go to the ER but try to rationalize my way out of it. It is like crossing a threshhold, where you have to acknowledgdge you are in deep trouble.

Tell the oncologist.

Don M

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Tina,

can not add much to the great info you have already

received, but to just agree that any type of calorie

intake is imparative. I often comment on Alan being

"pregnant" he has the stangest cravings for food. But he is eating an that is

what is important. Also his favorite answer to the

question "how are you feeling" is always "I am fine"

luckily his oncologist always turns to me for the truth. So if necessary time

to "tell" on your MIL. Many prayers headed your way.

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Tina,

I am so sorry about this. Everything I read tells me that calories and eating is just so important right now. I don't understand why your mom is refusing to "tell" but wonder if it might be worth asking her? There are some great meds out there for nausea, and she could get steroid shots to help her too. The docs are there to help...she needs to let them...

Stay strong!

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Tina I am so sorry you and your mom are going through such a tough time right now.

I think Katie had great advice with the Megace. It really works wonders for appetite and regaining weight. Also, it really sounds like you mom is scared. She is probably also really depressed and full of anxiety. That can also lead to decrease in appetite. Is she on any anti-depressants? IF not I would ask her doctor about the Megace and also some Ativan. This is a nightmare that she is living, and no one should be expected to face it head on without help.

I will be praying for her, and for you dear.

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She is on Lexapro for depression and has been since 2004.

Today was better she was able to eat some jello not much but better than nothing, she is going to call her Dr first thing in the morning if not FIL is.

We might try Pedisure since she can't stand Ensure..

Thanks for the support.

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You might see if she can tolerate the boost shakes with ice cream...full of nutrients and calories..we also gave my mom some pedialite pops...kids don't mind them so they don't taste too bad..

many prayers for you and your Mom

Stephi

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